Break-In, The (2016)
Matt Boiselle
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Starring Justin Doescher, Maggie Binkley, J.P. Veizaga
Directed by Justin Doescher
Just when I’d thought there was a slight reversal in my utter vehemence against found-footage films, along comes The Break-In, which completely solidifies my stance against any innocent eyes having to fix upon these movies EVER AGAIN.
The film, directed by Justin Doescher (also starring as Jeff), follows him and his wife, Melissa (Binkley), a young couple with a child on the way. After moving into their new digs next to their best friends, Jeff begins to film everything on his iPhone… and I mean literally everything. Mundane conversations, cars passing by on the street, and paint drying on the wall – did I mention that if he flipped the camera around, he might have gotten a shot of me attempting to gouge my eyes out with a sharp stick during this mess?
In an interesting twist, it’s offered that each couple has knowledge of the alarm code for the other’s home in case of an emergency – good thinking, indeed. The news around town is that there’s been a bunch of burglaries in the area, and we’ve got ourselves a “plot.” The remainder of the film contains small (and I do mean small) incidents of odd people eyeballing their home, an overly inquisitive police detective checking on places in the area, and a myriad of shaky, blacked-out night shots that could rattle even the strongest of stomachs.
So, this film is called The Break-In, eh? Well, I hope no one is getting their hopes up because the demand for action is far greater than the result itself, and at the risk of those looking for some sheer punishment, I’ll keep my piehole closed about the remainder of the details here, but rest assured that a good night’s sleep awaits you after hitting the stop button. The sheer lack of character intelligence baffles me to the core, and if there is a problem that is arising that could potentially put your wife or your unborn child at risk, would you HONESTLY keep your friggin cellphone camera running? Maybe just me thinking a little too much, but a well-timed call to the police department might just do the trick as well…but only after we get a few more hours of lawn talk with our neighbors… jeez.
The performances are as wooden as a carved canoe, the logic is completely out the window, and the pacing is as sluggish as a tranquilized chimp at the zoo… this film is Paranormal Activity on a downer. In the end please do yourself a few large favors: skip this film, stop recording every damn thing known to man, and grab me a towel to mop up all the blood, as there’s been an accident with my eyes – after this movie, I’ve had them forcefully removed.
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Film
Categorized:Reviews
