Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (Blu-ray / DVD)
Ted Hentschke
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Directed by Gregory Plotkin
Staring Chris J. Murray, Brit Shaw, Ivy George, Dan Gill, and Olivia Taylor Dudley
Distributed by Paramount
My relationship with Paranormal Activity has been a long, tumultuous one. When we met, most of my young friends thought she was “hip” and “edgy,” bucking trends and demanding to be wanted in the sexiest way possible. Sure, my parents didn’t get what I saw in her, but I saw the sexy curves of a femme fatale ready to turn the world on its head, be damned what the “man” thought.
By year two, I was the supportive boyfriend, forgiving the stale elements and nonsense explanations for the spooky and edgy stuff I had come to love. By the third year, things were droll and repetitive but still had enough of that bite to get me to hang on for a little while longer.
We broke up four years in. She had nothing new to show me, and what made her cool and new before was just wearing on me. She seemed desperate, afraid to let go of the past. I wasn’t, though. Still, I missed the person that she was when we met. I wanted to give her another chance, even if I didn’t want to openly admit it.
In year five she turned over a new leaf, showing me she’s not afraid of a new thing. She’s still the same old scary ghost story I always knew, but with a new edgy spin. I tentatively took her back but held my heart close with the wisdom of an older man. Could she really be back, the person I fell in love with? It would take another year for me to find out, at which point I would sigh, stare lovingly at the pictures of us together, and somberly close the door and walk away.
I don’t hate Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension. She’s a lovely woman with plenty to offer. I just loved her back when she was a low budget, scary story about a couple facing an unknown and seemingly unstoppable force. What passed for a scare was a simple and understated door slamming, which ramped all the way into a person being pulled out of bed. Now, such quaint light scare seem child’s play, given up for demon hands shooting through the air and monstrous figures being exorcised. I can see what I loved in your eyes, PA, but you’ve changed. I can’t be with you anymore.
Oh, dear reader, you better be ready for me to stretch this metaphor until it snaps. Six years into all of this, she walks through the door, dressed to the nines in her finest makeup and jewelry. She is visually stunning, wowing me at every step. She is a spectacle to behold. Her soul, however, is a different story.
Her smile is gorgeous, but with a hint of insincerity. I ask her what she’s been doing the last few years, and her answer is desperate and outlandish. I wonder why she feels the need to put on such a front. I’ve been with her all these years; surely she knows that I can see right through her? I ask her where her best friend, Katie, is, and she freezes for a moment before laughing it off and changing the subject. Something is very, very wrong with her, and anyone who loves her can clearly see.
I ask her how her family is doing, and for the sixth time in our relationship, she tells me a different story. The first three times, this was acceptable, but I’m beginning to detect her well is running dry. I mean, last time I asked, she claimed to be Hispanic! She seems to have completely forgotten about these last two tales, focusing on where we left off three years ago, before I left her. She’s trying to remind me of the good times, when we were still happy. She doesn’t know that she soured me on the relationship long before that. She’d come home, smelling like dollar beers and liquor, and change her story every time. Her stories never added up. Now that she’s trying to tie it all together, it just seems sad.
Still, we dance. We laugh. We sing. We jump scare. We remember all the things that made us what we were and mourn the loss of it all ending. It is a somber affair for me. It is her last dance in the spotlight. Paranormal Activity, I will always love you. I will remember when you were but a girl from SoCal, with dreams of the silver screen. You held my hand under the blanket and made me feel like the king of the world when my friends all loved and wanted you.
But you’ve changed, my love. You’ve become something far less than you were. The sum of your parts, has become more impressive year after year, but it is a superficial beauty, bought with the dollars of more wealthy lovers. All the while, you slowly lost who you were and the beauty that made us love you in the first place. Even your alternate versions ring hollow. Goodbye, my love. Perhaps this is a fitting end: all shine, no substance.
Blu-ray Special Features:
- Unrated version of feature film
- Unrated version of feature film with alternate ending
- Theatrical version of feature film in high definition
- Lost footage
DVD Special Features:
- Theatrical version of feature film in standard definition
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Film
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Special Features
Categorized:Reviews
