Toolbox Murders 2 (Blu-ray)

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Toolbox Murders 2Starring Brian Krause, Chauntal Lewis, Bruce Dern

Directed by Dean Jones

Distributed by Scream Factory


I would like to put as much effort into this review as the makers of Toolbox Murders 2 (2013) put into their film, but then it would end right here.

In my twenty-odd years of watching horror, I have seen more shit than a chili cook-off port-a-potty – and this is coming from someone who has acquired enough sense to know what films should be avoided. But as a reviewer, that luxury is sidelined.

This film, also known as Coffin Baby per IMDb, is a continuation of Tobe Hooper’s Toolbox Murders (2004) – a movie that has often been described to me as “terrible” and “something I avoided watching” – which is itself a remake of The Toolbox Murders (1978), another clunker.

Toolbox Murders 2 must have been conceived and shot in some bizarre spatial time warp, with the filmmakers stuck in 2005 where extreme gore horror was still a thing. Grossing out audiences worked for about a year or two, after which time most fans saw through the Karo syrup and asked “Can we have things like story and character development, too?” Making a “torture porn” film today is like Limp Bizkit launching a comeback tour – which they did… and no one cared.

I hate to crush a person’s dreams, but Chauntal Lewis has got to be one of the worst lead actresses to anchor a film. Advice: don’t quit the day job at whatever bar in the Valley hired you. She may be easy enough on the eyes, but in terms of ability I have seen more conviction from actresses in a herpes commercial.

Bruce Dern, you are an Oscar-nominated, venerable actor. You have worked with Quentin Tarantino, Alexander Payne and Joe Dante, to name just a few. What the fuck are you doing wasting your talents here?

Every moment of this 95-minute mental colonoscopy felt like an eternity. As of this writing, the filmmakers behind Toolbox Murders 2 are trying to raise funds for a third. I don’t believe prayer holds any power, but I may have to make an exception and ask for some divine intervention to prevent another cinematic travesty from occurring. This series should’ve never started, and it damn sure shouldn’t continue.

The 1.78:1 1080p image is generally clean, with good coloration and reasonable contrast.

An English DTS-HD MA 5.1 surround sound track is a mostly flat affair, lacking in dynamic range and featuring some truly atrocious scoring. There is also a 2.0 mix available, too. Subtitles are included in English.

A theatrical trailer is included.

Special Features:

  • Theatrical Trailer

  • Film
  • Special Features
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User Rating 3.08 (12 votes)
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