Reviewed by Uncle Creepy
Starring Isabella Rossellini, Judd Nelson, Gil Bellows, Maxim Roy
Directed by Adam Weissman
Distributed by Genius Products
Paint-by-numbers. Cookie-cutter. Stamped out on the assembly line. All of these terms apply to Adam Weissman’s flick Infected. Even if you haven’t physically seen the movie with your own eyes, I can guarantee you have already sat through it countless times before, and probably seen it executed far better than it was here. Sit back, dear reader, and get set for a very familiar tale.
So there’s this energy drink called Hydropure that’s said to be the next big thing in terms of … well … I guess energy drinks. But — of course — said drink is also the way a deadly alien virus is spread throughout the world. Good thing there are science geeks out there who find out about this deadly infectious elixir, thus uncovering a sinister conspiracy. From there it’s an ever so dull and void of any suspense race against time to stop the powers-that-be from world domination via the poison Gatorade.
Can I just stop right here? No? Ok. I’ll finish. Here’s the long and really short of it … this flick is poo. I can’t even say it’s goofy fun. The script is horrendous, and as a result the usually pretty good cast find themselves with nearly nothing to do other than move from one setpiece to the other while dodging evil infected beings (we know they’re infected and evil because they’re wearing suits and acting like Terminators who got lost somewhere in the Matrix) and — of course — poorly rendered standard CGI bug people. Joy. Really, try as I might, I’m pretty much at a loss as to what else to say about this bargain-bin bit of homogenized bullshit.
In terms of special features Genius has wisely chosen not to include any at all as there isn’t anything special or anything more that you’d want to know about this flick. See? They really are geniuses! Well played!
Infected is not a time killer, it’s not turn your brain off entertainment, and it’s certainly not worth watching for any reason. Don’t let the cast or the cool beastie on the cover sucker you in. This is as uninspired and vanilla as they come, folks. You’ve been warned.
1 out of 5
0 out of 5
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