Reviewed by Uncle Creepy
Starring Flavor Flav, Sticky Fingaz, Tony Todd, Fredro Starr, James Ferris
Directed by Deon Taylor
Distributed by Paramount Home Entertainment
Allow me to indulge myself for a second, will you? Thanks.
An Open Letter to Mr. Deon Taylor:
I, like you, am a big fan of horror anthologies. When I sat down to watch your latest film, Nite Tales, I really didn’t know what to expect. In the end both short tales within the film, “Karma” and “Storm”, were way better than I had expected. But let’s talk about expectations for a moment.
Do you know why mine dropped so low as I began to watch your movie? Because of Flava Flav. Going in I was willing to cut him some slack and watch with an open mind, but every one of my worst fears were confirmed as soon as he opened his mouth.
Don’t get me wrong. I am a fan of Flava. I grew up listening to Public Enemy and think the dude is a genuine entertainer. He is, in fact, a lot of things, but a horror host? Not even close. He wasn’t even amusing. Just amateurish and lame. His freestyle antics were embarrassing and painful to listen to and watch. Their inclusion brought down your entire effort, which was for the most part solid.
I beg you … if you do a Nite Tales 2, lose him. Let him wander off with his giant clock and what little dignity he has left. Everyone will benefit from this split. I don’t think I can stand watching another movie with him in it. The pain! The agony!
Thanks for your time.
Now that I have that off my chest, it’s onward to the review.
After the ridiculous introduction Nite Tales starts off with a segment called “Karma”, in which a gang of bank robbers (including Sticky Fingaz from “Blade: The Series”) end up on the menu at the home of a group of redneck cannibals. Honestly? This was a pretty creepy effort hindered only by some bad green-screen work every now and then. Performances were solid, and Taylor’s direction was spot on! If I were rating this by itself as a feature, I’d have probably given it a three out of five.
From there Taylor goes right into the second segment of the movie, “Storm”. I was so very thankful we wouldn’t have to see Flava again until the very end.
“Storm” stars Tony Todd and focuses on a few friends who get together to play Bloody Mary with murderous results. Of the slew of flaccid Bloody Mary movies that have come out over the last couple of years, “Storm”, as low budget as it is, manages to come as close to getting it right as possible. I’m not saying it’s great as it drags around the middle, but it works. On its own it would rate about a two and a half.
In terms of special features all we get is a seventeen-minute Behind-the-Scenes of Nite Tales featurette that’s exactly what you think it is.
Overall Nite Tales is a good time killer. Despite it being a BET production, the race card is never played, and Taylor’s energy and enthusiasm for horror without question show up on the screen. Yet, Flava Flav comes dangerously close to completely ruining the whole thing. I had to suppress the urge to throw my shoe at the TV every second that he was onscreen. If you think I’m exaggerating, check out this pitiful sound bite from one of his tedious spiels. “From coast-to-coast, we eat pot roast”? Truly frightening.
2 1/2 out of 5
1 out of 5
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