Real Life Exorcisms Are on the Rise and The Vatican Fears Sexy Vampires
Scott Hallam
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There are so many things to tempt us potential sinners, and The Vatican is on the lookout for all of them. Thankfully, the fate of our immortal souls is in the hands of these wise leaders. And one of the main rising threats they’re concerned about is… sexy vampires. Really?
Get a load of this quote from Professor (that’s right, Professor) Giuseppe Ferrari, the head of an Italian occult watchdog organization called The Group on Research and Socio-Religious Information, “There are those who try to turn people into vampires and make them drink other people’s blood or encourage them to have special sexual relations to obtain special powers,” said Ferrari at a conference in Rome recently. “These groups are attracted by the so-called beautiful young vampires that we’ve seen so much of in recent years.”
All right, there is so much hilariously wrong with this statement. First, Ferrari, who is not some radical maniac but is actually backed by The Vatican and Pope Francis himself (incidentally, Pope Francis insists that dioceses have one trained exorcist on campus to deal with any urgent possession issues), seems to believe that there are rogue people out there trying to turn people into vampires (wait, what?) and making them drink people’s blood. Maybe there are folks out there forcing people to drink the blood of others, but I think we can all agree that they won’t be turning into vampires. They may experience some acid reflux, but they should be safe from vampirism.
Ferrari also mentions the opportunity to have “special sexual relations to obtain special powers.” The victims are attracted by “beautiful young vampires.” If the sexy vamps that we’ve seen out there are any indication of what is luring unsuspecting people in for sex, then that would be extremely difficult to turn down. But sex with a sexy vampire with the promise of “special powers” to be obtained after climax is damn near irresistible. If Ferrari is trying to get people to avoid these creatures he’s speaking of, he’s doing a pretty shitty job of it.
And if this fairy tale isn’t enough, apparently the head honcho himself has been watching a few too many movies. “Until a few years ago, a significant number of people in the Church didn’t believe in the Devil, but people are now going back to the Scriptures,” said an unnamed British exorcist priest in an interview with The Telegraph. “Pope Francis has given a certain amount of encouragement to that. A few years ago at least half the dioceses in England and Wales did not have an exorcist. Now, pretty much all of them do.”
And we’re the crazy ones. Keep it real, Dreadies.
Source: Salon.com
Categorized:News
