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It’s Seagal vs. Vamps in Against the Dark

Steven Seagal getting ready to whip Vampire ass!You see now THIS … this is what I’m talking about! Never mind the comeback movies of Stallone or even JCVD … When Steven Seagal makes his comeback he’s gonna be kicking the shit out of vampires! Can I get an AMEN?!?

Sony Pictures’ upcoming release of Against the Dark (formerly called Last Night) will find Seagal amidst all manner of toothy mayhem.

From the official synopsis:

“Katana master Tao (Steven Seagal) leads a special ops squad of ex-military vigilantes on a massacre mission, their target: vampires. On the post apocalyptic globe, sucked dry by bloodthirsty vampires, a few remaining survivors are trapped in an infected hospital. Tao is their only hope and he knows the only cure is execution. Now it’s time for the last stand against the flesh-eating vampires and there’s nothing left to lose but the last of humanity.”

The DVD will feature one featurette entitled “Fighting the Shadows: Behind-the-Scenes of Against the Dark” and I’m sure testosterone-laden laughs aplenty. The man’s first horror movie will hit home on February 10th, 2009. Click the link below to pre-order.

Also, in case you missed it, a while ago I blogged about how all of Seagal’s movie titles told a story. I have updated it especially for this occasion and present it to you now in its entirety!

Steven Seagal was ABOVE THE LAW, but he was too HARD TO KILL, so now he’s been MARKED FOR DEATH by Haitians who are OUT FOR JUSTICE. Can he live while UNDER SIEGE? Could you survive while UNDER SIEGE 2? It was time to make an EXECUTIVE DECISION about THE GLIMMER MAN. There’s a FIRE DOWN BELOW and only Seagal, THE PATRIOT, can heal the EXIT WOUNDS left in his TICKER. Despite being HALF PAST DEAD, THE FOREINGER who was OUT TO KILL Seagal emerged from THE BELLY OF THE BEAST. His name was CLEMENTINE. Safety was OUT OF REACH for Seagal, but still he walked INTO THE SUN until he was SUBMERGED into the Pacific Ocean by a threat unknown. TODAY YOU DIE yelled Clementine as THE BLACK DAWN rose. But Steven is a MERCENARY FOR JUSTICE, a SHADOW MAN, an ATTACK FORCE all his own! His FLIGHT OF FURY would unleash some cold hard URBAN JUSTICE as he PISTOL WHIPPED the man whose true motivation was to stop filming of THE ONION MOVIE. At this KILLING POINT Seagal prevailed, proving that he is still — THE PRINCE OF PISTOLS! It was then that he finally flipped the KILLSWITCH. A midget named RUSLAN was his next target, and tonight would be the little man’s LAST NIGHT on earth if he didn’t comply peacefully. Seagal was to be THE KEEPER of his tiny destiny. Together they would both have to fight AGAINST THE DARK!

To be continued.

Uncle Creepy

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Steve Barton

You're such an inspiration for the ways that I will never, ever choose to be.

  • PelusaMG

    Steven Segal quotes:

    “I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than a sex symbol.”

    “It doesn’t work if the bad guys kill his mother’s uncle’s friend’s neighbor’s pet dog. You’ve got to make the stakes high.”

    “I have traveled the world creating this drink.”

    The guy is a legend!

  • Foywonder

    Hate to be the one to break this news to everyone but I first did a story about this film a few months ago and from everything I was able to find out at the time, Seagal’s role is actually relatively small, sort of like Executive Decision.

    • Johnny Butane

      He speaks the truth! Added the former title (Last Night) to the story and you can read Foy’s previous story by hitting the taxonomy link at the top.

  • Cash Bailey

    I’m all for reinventing the vampire mythology, but will this be the first time vampires are able to be killed by breaking their arms? One can only hope.

    I think Seagal should do a zombie movie, because that’s the only enemy left that he could plausibly catch up to.

  • Sirand

    Must see now.