The Uwe Boll Turkey Day Extravaganza!
Foywonder
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It’s Turkey Day and what better day for multiple news items about Uwe Boll, the current kingpin of cinematic turkeys? Two news movies, a film retrospective, and a lawsuit: all today for your Boll-tacular Thanksgiving.
Vancouver-based Brightlight Pictures sent out a press release touting production beginning on The Storm, an original (i.e. not based on a video game) horror film being directed by Uwe Boll from a script by Tim McGregor (co-writer of last year’s DTV thriller UKM: Ultimate Killing Machine and the upcoming Jason Mewes vampire comedy Bitten), and starring 90210 alumni Luke Perry, Turbulence heroine Lauren Holly, and “Andromeda” co-star Steve Bacic.
In the film a stranger named Silas (Luke Perry) emerges from a devastating storm seeking refuge with Tom (Steve Bacic) and Gillian (Lauren Holly) on their farm. As they struggle to deal with the upheaval and disaster left in the wake of the storm, Silas may be the only one who can help Tom, Gillian, and their young son survive. But as the family comes to terms with what they have lost in the storm, they are threatened by a danger that could prove even more catastrophic than the forces of nature.
Producer Shawn Williamson is quoted, “THE STORM is action-packed, suspenseful, and scary. We’re glad to have Uwe at the helm and we are very excited about this cast: the Silas role is an interesting departure for Luke and Lauren is a sensational Gillian.”
Now if I may be so bold as to directly quote the press release:
“Brightlight Pictures has collaborated with Uwe Boll on a dozen movies and the slate includes the box office-success House of the Dead; Alone in the Dark, starring Christian Slater; Postal; Seed; BloodRayne and its sequel; Tunnel Rats; Far Cry; and In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, starring Jason Statham.”
Notice how they proclaim House of the Dead a box office success and then add a semicolon before going on to list the other Boll titles?
The Storm will be filming in Vancouver through mid-December.
Speaking of mid-December, if you’re in the Los Angeles area December 17th and 18th, are you up for an Uwe Boll film festival? Downtown Independent (a new film facility in the L.A. area) certainly hopes you are because they’re putting on the Boll Film Fest and the man himself will be in attendance, along with the North American premiere of two of his newest films: Far Cry and Tunnel Rats.
December 17th:
12PM – Heart of America
2PM – Alone in the Dark
4PM – In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
7PM – Seed
9PM – Far Cry
December 18th:
1PM – Blackwoods
3PM – BloodRayne
5PM – BloodRayne 2: Deliverance
7PM – Postal (Extended Director’s Cut)
9PM – Tunnel Rats
More info on the Boll Film Fest can be found on Downtown Independent‘s website, if you dare.
In less happy Dr. Boll news, he’s been ordered to pay $2.1 million in damages to Fantastic Films International for breach of contract and libel. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Fantastic Films had exclusive worldwide sales rights to Boll’s films; an arbitrator found Boll had either taken those deals away from or failed to pay commissions on several films sold internationally to more than 45 countries, including BloodRayne, In the Name of the King and Postal. Afterwards, Boll then proceeded to bad mouth the company and its owner to potential buyers. The arbitrator found Boll’s side of the story was “not credible“.
$2.1 million, eh? There goes the budget for Alone in the Dark 3.
And in our final Boll blurb for the day, Boll is reportedly set to make his first foray into the realm of teen comedy sitting in the director’s chair for The Science of Cool.
“Neil Tobbler and his best friend Gilbert Stevens are the biggest geeks in their school who love science class, get good grades, are socially inept, and just can’t seem to get a break from anyone they meet in their lives, until they stumble upon a formula which can transform nerds into studs. Life changes instantly before their eyes, or does it?”
Holy crap! Now Uwe Boll truly is entering into “USA Up All Night” territory. Someone get Gilbert Gottfried on the phone, STAT!
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