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Two Twilight Reviews Help the Hysteria

Twilight reviewed!Screaming chicks! Long lines! A very wisely placed sale on Kleenex tissues! Millions of tormented men, paying their penance for digging on last week’s new Bond movie! What could this all mean? Why the premiere of Catherine Hardwicke’s big screen adaptation of the “young adult” phenomenon Twilight of course.

In celebration of this film’s most auspicious opening we bring to you two different reviews for the film, one from Morgan, who liked the book, and one from Nomad, who is still traumatized. One reviewer with a vagina and one with a penis — HEAD-TO-HEAD! Did they agree? Did they differ? Click the links below to find out!

Check out Nomad’s Twilight review here

Check out Morgan’s Twilight review here

One thing’s for certain: No matter what anyone’s opinion is, this series will continue to be a media juggernaut. Lord only knows why.

Uncle Creepy

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Steve Barton

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  • The Unknown Murderer

    Agreed. The wife and I were disappointed that the book is better (who didn’t see that coming?), but I’ve seen much worse in the theater.

    Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but the hate is unwarranted. We create whipping boys out of things that reflect our own insecurities.

    I had hoped that the romance angle would be more lively, so it was kind of a bummer that it was Cold as a Vampire’s Fingertips, but considering the lack of time taken with the characters (the book was long for adaptation, I think) and the director’s seeming lack of expertise with special effects and setting up any character interactions from the book to have maximum effect, well, the film came across a bit neutered.

    If it will make you screaming haters feel better, my best friend’s 14 year old daughter hated the film. Absolutely hated it. And she bought two tix for herself in advance.

  • Rob

    70.5 million this weekend.

    All those people saying they’ll probably change the kids to teenagers in the Let Right One In remake? This movie’s success will unfortunately prove those people right.

  • deadthings23

    I think this TWILIGHT hate is a tad ridiculous.
    Maybe as a fan of FOREVER KNIGHT, Near Dark, The Lost Boys, To Die For, Interview, Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Buffy, Angel I just don’t get what the big problem is. The story was okay. The movie was funny, interesting and well put together. Sure there was some uneven acting, but as an indie Horror fan I’m quite acustomed to that. I can handle the uneven and sometimes brilliant acting in Re-Animator, Evil Dead 2, Hardware, etc. it’s not much different here.

    It’s just weird considering how the horror crowd and the geek crowd can be so forgiving of imperfect films and see the good in them. Some of the weak Saw sequels, Transformers, those new Chainsaw movies, even an adaptation of a book that completely misses the point like I am Legend; these films get a pass by most genre fans.

    Anyhow, I liked the movie. Some fresh vamp moments, some funny overacting, and some really good acting here and there, along with a good tone, brisk pace and overall just fun. Overall a better and more alive film than the first Harry Potter.

    But again, I am a sucker for a love story between a human and something otherworldly or weird…Dust Devil, Meet Joe Black, Hellraiser, Lunatics: A love Story, Subspiecies…

    Stay Spooky,

    B

  • Terminal

    “Did they differ? Click the links below to find out!” Why spend so much time on bad movies is what this confused reader asks! Pfft, shit I forgot, horror is dead so says Dread Central gospel.

    I’ll wait for it on cable or something.

    • Rottenjesus

      So why did you waste five minutes of your time on a subject you couldn’t care less about? Face it Terminal, you’re a shameless attention whore. ;)

      • Uncle Creepy

        “So why did you waste five minutes of your time on a subject you couldn’t care less about?”

        Science!

  • Solrina

    I look forward to the challenge of sitting through this movie. It’s gonna be a great “bad-movie night” flick when it comes to dvd.

  • HorrorMaven

    That’s the best opening paragraph introducing a review of “Twilight” I’ve read so far. Kudos!