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Exclusive: Brett Ratner Considering Conan?

Conan to be in the hands of ... Ratner?While this may not be horror in the strictest sense, sometimes some news comes along that just makes your stomach turn and you have to get it out there.

We got word today that Nu Image is offering the long-awaited new Conan movie to, of all people, Brett Ratner. Over the years there have been so directors circling this project, everyone from Robert Rodriguez to Rob Zombie, the fact that Brett Ratner might actually attach himself to this and make it a reality is almost enough to make one wish they’d just stop trying to bring Robert E. Howard’s creation back to the big screen.

We’ll wait until we get some more solid details on this before giving up completely, but if Ratner does get it, I think it’ll be pretty clear that Nu Image doesn’t give a single hell what the fans want to see from a new Conan movie. How could they possibly think he’d be able to do a movie like this any justice? What films has he directed that indicate this would be a good fit?

Johnny Butane

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Johnny Butane

  • elric300

    Sooo, how come no one is calling up John Milius? Last I checked he was still quite alive and active.

  • Conrad Straker
  • mY NAME IS jOHN

    tHOUGH aRNOLD WAS SPOZE TYO DIERECT THIS

  • PelusaMG

    If you’re not careful you may have to eat your words… Look, the guy had a take on the Superman franchise that impressed Brendan Fraser!!!

    http://splashpage.mtv.com/2008/09/16/brett-ratner-on-the-jj-abrams-superman-that-might-have-been/

    • Gus Bjork

      :) Yeah, cause as we all know Brendan Fraser can sniff out a good movie script!

      *ahem*

      ..half the movie is a civil war on the planet Krypton…for crying out loud.

      • PelusaMG

        Gus, I won’t have a bad word said against George of the Jungle… The man is an arse clact!!!

  • NeoKefka

    *HEAD DESK*

    Somebody cry for me…

  • Rottenjesus

    “From the Director of RUSH HOUR 3 and RED DRAGON comes…CONAN! Starring GUNNAR HANSEN as Conan! And Jason Statham as his Chinese(!) warrior sidekick!”

    I feel ill just typing that.

    • frank_dracman

      Close, Rottenjesus, but we all know it will be Jackie Chan as the sidekick and Chris Tucker taking over the role Wilt Chamberlain had. as for Jason Statham, he WILL be Conan.
      I’m making some special Kool-Aid if anyone wants some.

      • arandomthought

        Too late, Mine was pre-poured

  • Psypest

    Nu Image, Ratner, guess we shouldn’t hold out any hope about who will play Conan, eh?

  • Kryten Syxx

    Brett Ratner will overload Conan with so many characters from every printed incarnation the barbarian was ever in. Then, during the commentary track for the DVD, he won’t be able to name a single one of them … just like in X-Men 3.

    • Cash Bailey

      Ratner’s only discernible talents are hiring the best people on his crew and star-fucking.

      To me he always seems like the ultimate slimy, insincere Hollywood douche, but all his DVDs are filled with people sucking him off like he’s the new Spielberg.

  • Gus Bjork

    There used to be this big fat Native American hooker who trolled a tough neighborhood I lived in many years ago. She was so huge she could only wear sweatpants and man those some hard working stretch pants. I figured, no way could she get paid for sex…cause she wasn’t exactly pretty beyond her sheer mass. But time and time again I would see her somehow squeeze into a car with a guy to suck him off. Despite all odds and evidence this seemed to be a pretty popular and sought after whore.

    This news is kind of like that.

    • PelusaMG

      That story reminds of a website I stumbled across a while ago called “The Habib Show”. It’s exactly what you describe Gus, and once you start browsing the trailers you begin to realise that absolutely ANYONE can get laid!!!

      • Gus Bjork

        As long as you have $15, no self-esteem and little regard for your central nervous system.

        • PelusaMG

          That reminds me of another website I know of where this Dutch guy is shagging women, after/while they are being shagged by dogs…

          I’ll stop now!

          • Gus Bjork

            It was Peter Stormare wasn’t it?

          • Chainsaw

            It’s ALWAYS Peter Stormare!

            Anyways, *shoots self*

  • Cash Bailey

    Nooooooooo!!!

    Give it to Neil Marshall. He needs to prove himself again after the utter cluster-fuck that was DOOMSDAY.

    • Tsotha-lanti

      Though I found “Doomsday” rather entertaining, I agree with you that Neil Marshall should direct the next Conan flick.

  • Gatsu

    This has to be some kind of a joke…..seriously, next you’re going to tell me that will smith will be staring and micheal bay is producing it. why oh why can’t they just let John Milius do crown of iron and give all of the fans what they want.

    • Uncle Creepy

      I’m still suffering from the exercise is awfulness known as Conan The Destroyer. This could prove to be too much for my frail psyche.

  • Messiahman

    Crom, I don’t often pray to you. I have no tongue for it. But if you let Brett Ratner direct a new Conan film, then to hell with you.

  • Uncle Creepy

    Crom laughs at Brett Ratner.

  • Sirand

    *sigh*

  • neshlvox

    Brilliant work guys, we’ve been considering ‘when’ we’ll need to go down this road. It’s great to see someone blaze that trail.

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