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Boogeyman Scribes to Pen Poltergeist

Depressing!Poltergeist just cries for a remake, doesn’t it? There’s no way any of the young kids today can relate to a film without high-def TVs, cellphones and MTV approved actors! Yes, it totally needs an update…

According to THR, the writing duo of Stiles White and Juliet Snowden, both credited with created the screenplay for the upcoming Birds remake and the snorefest known as Boogeyman, have been tapped to pen the redo of Tobe Hooper’s classic Poltergeist.

I can’t say this is good news. Boogeyman couldn’t scare anyone over the age of 15. So, how exactly are these two going to properly remake Poltergeist when nothing they’ve written so far managed to outdo the 26-year-old original?

Syxx

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Kryten Syxx

  • Kryten Syxx

    Well, finally got to watch “The Need” and I wasn’t impressed at all.

    Check it out at the link below.
    http://www.hyperionpictures.com/user_files/live_archive/need.php

    • Messiahman

      Just watched it – thanks for the link! On a basic conceptual level, I didn’t think it was too bad. However, it suffered from some really flat direction and dull camera and lighting setups (also some poor editing choices). Looks like it was shot for pretty much no budget on consumer-grade video. However, unlike a lot of shorts I’ve seen, it did manage to tell a story with an actual payoff. Surprisingly, even something as simple as telling a story seems to elude many budding filmmakers.

      Last night, I attended a short film festival here in Hollywood, and you wouldn’t believe some of the things that were screened – several utterly pretentious pieces that were just composed of badly edited random images while unfathomable characters walked around looking pensive and muttering. No characters worth connecting with, no story worth telling, no real inspiration – most of them didn’t even work on an artistic experimental level. They reminded me of the scads of awful student films that I had to slog through back in college.

      Compared to some of what I saw last night, I don’t look upon this one with much disdain. It’s pretty mediocre in execution, but it at least demonstrates a degree of competence. With a better director (and most certainly a better D.P.) it would’ve been perfectly acceptable.

  • Kryten Syxx

    Huh? I broke because I said I would rethink my opinion based on a short film the duo wrote?

    • Messiahman

      Don’t deny the truth, Kryten — you fell prey to the awesome might of my hypno-powers!

  • Cash Bailey

    Unless Spielberg says “Yes” this will not happen.

    The man controls everything with his name on it, and nobody in Hollywood would dare risk his wrath by screwing with one of his properties.

  • Terminal

    I’m confused, we’re supposed to hate this idea because it has the writers of Boogeyman, which the reporter is quick to note sucked, thus inferring it was a reason to dread it (so to speak) and then he’s quick to break under the pressure of differing opinions, immediately adhering to the notion that these writers AREN’T so bad, And that any assumption by us, previously laid by him, is just petty fan bickering?

    Make up your mind, will it suck because it’s the writers of “Boogeyman” or does it have potential to be good because the writers aren’t that bad and you broke like a cheap toothbrush under spin doctoring?

    • Messiahman

      Yes Terminal… as usual, you’re VERY confused, which of course has been your mental state since pretty much the first post you ever made here. I simply (and rightfully) stated that the writers in question were two of MANY who took turns on BOOGEYMAN and that they also wrote a bang-up awesome script for Proyas. My logic about studio-mandated scripts holds water, and I speak from actual experience.

      I also pointed out the utter inanity of kneejerk internet reactions that are made without a care to thought and logic; hyperbolic cries of “they suck” from these armchair “experts” who honestly have absolutely no ideas of their talents or lack thereof. The fact is, you have no idea of the real quality of their writing, because you’ve never read one of their scripts. Saying anything otherwise is hearsay and bullshit. All you’ve seen is a single movie that has their name on it amongst a host of other writers, and anyone with half a brain understands that it’s a LONG road from a script to a finished product. Nowhere did I say that the POLTERGEIST remake would be either good or bad based on them getting the assignment. I only noted that they’ve done some very good work as well. Kryten joked back with me, and that was it. At least until this idiotic post of yours.

      Frankly, it reeks of sour grapes, particularly the asinine “broke like a toothbrush under spin doctoring” remark. I understand that you’re probably still quite bitter over the countless times you’ve begged to write for Dread Central only to be repeatedly turned down, but seriously, move on and grow the fuck up. Your petty little attacks are transparent, sad and, above all, exhaustingly predictable.

      There’s a reason that, during your absence, nobody around here was crying “Oh man, I really miss Terminal!” Quite the opposite, in fact.

      No need to respond, as I can see any pathetic riposte coming from a mile away.

      • Gus Bjork

        Nobody? I did.

        • Messiahman

          Well, all you have to do to summon him is to post something remotely positive about Eli Roth, and he’ll show up in a flash — whining and mewling like a sad little girl who couldn’t find a date to the prom.

          • Gus Bjork

            Hmmm. Okay, Eli Roth was a decent actor in Grindhouse. ABRA KADABRA!

      • Sirand

  • Chainsaw

    Now, if I remember correctly, Boogeyman was fucking terrible, correct?

    Gotcha.

  • Kryten Syxx

    MM, take your logic elsewhere. I’d be happy to rethink my opinion based on their previous works if I could get a hold of the short film they wrote called “The Need”.

    • Messiahman

      My logic is staying right here where it’s needed, my friend.

      Haven’t seen THE NEED, though I hear it’s actually pretty good. And seriously, KNOWING was one of the best scripts I’ve read in ages.

  • Messiahman

    Incidentally, these two writers weren’t the only ones on BOOGEYMAN — Eric Kripke wrote plenty of that film as well. And there were about five other rewrites done before the film was shot by folks who aren’t even credited. Ghost House micromanaged every inch of that script. This kind of thing happens more than most people know.

    This pair also wrote Alex Proyas’ next film, KNOWING. I read it, and it’s completely fucking awesome. Has anyone else here read any of their original work? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Just goes to prove that you can’t judge the real quality of someone’s work based on a studio-mandated script that went through so many hands before it was filmed.

    Of course, that doesn’t mean anything in the world of the internet, where immediate kneejerk reactions are as common as pimples.

  • Messiahman

    I’m gonna buck the trend here and state that I just don’t think the original POLTERGEIST is a particularly good film. The characters and settings are all Spielberg-lite clichés, the plot is just ripped off from Richard Matheson’s “Little Girl Lost” episode of THE TWILIGHT ZONE, and the schmaltzy new age mumbo jumbo is so saccharine sweet that it makes me want to vomit any time I think of JoBeth Williams annoyingly keening “I felt her MOVE through me!” Craig T. Nelson is also pretty terrible and given to overacting (his delivery of “You moved the gravestones, but not the bodies” is hilariously awful). To add insult to injury, the movie has an “everything but the kitchen sink” mentality when it comes to the FX – rather than thematic exploration, it just bombards us with (at the time cutting edge) FX work that is bombastic and dull – a fine example of that is the incredibly goofy bit where the tree actually tries to eat the kid. Remaking it with a boatload of CGI isn’t blasphemy, because Spielberg undoubtedly would’ve filled it to the brim with CGI if it had been available back then. That’s just the way he rolls.

    Basically, it’s the 80s equivalent of Jan DeBont’s THE HAUNTING (not so coincidentally also produced by Spielberg). All sound and fury, signifying nothing. There are many, MANY better horror films from the 80s, all of which are better than this dull Reagan-era relic.

    The only moments of real inspiration come from Hooper – the evil clown doll and the bit where the ghost researcher peels off his own skin. The rest is the typical Spiebergian “suburban family confronted by the unknown” shtick that he’d already done MUCH better in CLOSE ENCOUNTERS.

    Not that I’m advocating a remake, however – I’d much rather see original horror than a remake of ANYTHING these days.

    • PelusaMG

      “Remaking it with a boatload of CGI isn’t blasphemy, because Spielberg undoubtedly would’ve filled it to the brim with CGI if it had been available back then”

      Err, I’m not sure about that… Read any of the Indy IV interviews and you will see that Speilberg is rather loathe to chock his films to the brim with CGI. Christ, the guy even insists to this day on shooting film stock!

      • Messiahman

        Uhm, you do realize that there’s plenty of CGI in INDY IV, right? Spielberg acted as if there was hardly any in order to placate fanboys — that’s not at all the case.

        And have you seen A.I. and MINORITY REPORT? Or the remake of THE HAUNTING, which he executive produced (and had a major creative hand in, just like POLTERGEIST)? What about TRANSFORMERS, which he also produced? Shitloads of CGI in every one of those films.

        I rest my case.

        Anyway, CGI or no CGI, I still think that POLTERGEIST mostly sucks.

        • PelusaMG

          MM: Yes, I was well aware of the amount of CGI in Indy IV (that fucking awful vine scene for one), but I put that down to Lucas’ tinkering as Speilberg seemed to suggest in interviews that he wanted to steer clear of CGI – Hang on, I think I’m confusing this with Chris Nolan and “The Dark Knight”… Hmm… There was also quite a bit of CGI in the Jurassic Park movies – so I guess my Speilberg anti-CGI argument is a bit shit really!

          Sorry to have wasted everyone’s time… Move along now… Nothing to see here!!!

  • Kryten Syxx

    PelusaMG… nevermind.

    • PelusaMG

      Kryten: The story touched a nerve… In error I swung and caught you on the chin! :-(

  • Ghostkeeper

    If done correctly it could and I stress “could” be good. What I think will happen is we will get an abridged version that is 90 mins long and will not have some of the best parts. Because today’s audiences that go to theaters have the attention span of a humming bird. No one makes good 2 hour movies anymore. 90 mins just is not enough to get into a good plot and build the tension to scare the crap out of you.

  • The Phantom Stranger

    Do a George Lucas? Replace some of those lame FX??? You must be crazy man!! The FX work in Poltergeist look fantastic, especially in today’s CGI addled world.

    But yea, they really couldn’t have picked a couple of shittier writers than these guys. It goes to show how doomed this movie is when the people who are making the decisions pick writers like these guys. The director will probably be the guy who did the Fog remake… :(

    • Ghostkeeper

      Ugh..fog remake….terrible…I will probably crap purple twinkies with a gold tooth in the middle if anyone tries to remake The Thing. No can beat Kurt Russel.

      • DavidFullam

        They have been trying to do a sequel/prequel/remake of The Thing for a long time. But no dice.

        • PelusaMG

          You can’t touch Carpenter’s “The Thing”, just as you cannot touch Speilberg’s “Jaws”. The problems with filmmakers who think they can remake films, is that they fail to see that what makes many of them great are the performances, and not the utilisation of CGI or modern movie-making techniques.

    • PelusaMG

      CGI is not a totally bad thing – let’s not throw the baby out with the bath water here! I’m talking about doing something like what was done with “Empire”, where (for example) the snow speeder shots were improved due to limitations with the optical printer in the 80s… In the new “Empire” they largely tidied up some of the ‘loose (FX) edges’, so why not do the same here? I agree with you, the FX in “Poltergeist” are wonderful and a superb testimony to the creativity of ILM in those pre-CGI dependent days – but why let your granny hoble around if you had the chance to give her a knee replacement???

  • Gus Bjork

    So, they have the balls to remake a Spielberg film while he’s still alive and as good and popular a director as ever?

    Boy would I be keeping my mouth shut tight if I were them. But hopefully they’ll say something stupid and get what’s coming to them.

  • PelusaMG

    “Poltergeist just cries for a remake, doesn’t it? There’s no way any of the young kids today can relate to a film without high-def TVs, cellphones and MTV approved actors!”

    Unless you are joking, that argument is utter pants! I used to teach secondary school kids up until a few years ago, and there were numerous of them into music from the 70s such as Hendrix, Led Zeppelin etc. According to your argument Syxx, they could never have been able to relate to such music, but they very much did.

    Of course kids can relate to a film from the 80s… That’s just a lame excuse for justifying another pointless remake.

    If anything, all “Poltergeist” needs is the George Lucas ‘special edition’ touch. It needs some of those lame FX touched up and redone, but nothing can match the peformances. I mean, who the hell is going to replace Zelda Rubenstein? She was amazing and creepy as fuck!!!

    “Poltergeist” is a wonderful film, and one that only occasionally shows its age for the reasons mentioned above.

    • Johnny Butane

      Yes, he was kidding.

  • Kryten Syxx

    I always thought Carol Anne was the bright spot of the first two films. She wasn’t a boring creepy kid like ’06 Damien or The Ring’s Samara and Aidan.

  • MagusMaleficus

    Now that Hollywood is working its way through remakes of 80s flicks, remakes of films from the 90s must be next. So, what the hell will they remake after that? Remakes of remakes, perhaps? Will Hollywood finally just swallow itself fucking whole? I hope so.

    • DavidFullam

      Well we have had sequels to remakes, so remakes of remakes can’t be far behind.

  • Psypest

    At this point should news of a Poltergeist remake be either surprising or shocking? Everything is about ‘brand’ or ‘franchise’ and as long as these daff remakes do better, financially, than original stories, the remake will continue. *sigh*

  • Terminal

    Brilliance.

    Can we get the director of “The Hitcher” for this remake?

  • Kryten Syxx

    Carol Anne is either going to be one of those trendy “way too creepy for reality” kids, or Brittany Snow…

    “OMG! Our house is like totally on top of an old Native American graveyard! OMGOMGOMG!”

    • Doc Block

      Why do you continue to torture me!?

    • G.D.

      Right, because the original Carol Anne wasn’t creepy at all…

      • Uncle Creepy

        Carol Anne didn’t get creepy looking until the third film when she was filling out due to her illness. Sad.

        The curse continues!

        • Messiahman

          Yes, the “curse.” It just *has* to be a curse because, after all, everybody else who has ever made a horror film throughout the history of cinema is actually immune to death. ;-)

          • Uncle Creepy

            Actually I think in this case the product of the curse is the remake itself! ;)

          • Messiahman

            And here I thought the curse had everything to do with POLTERGEIST 3. And POLTERGEIST: THE SERIES, for that matter.

          • Uncle Creepy

            Helen Shaver = MILF.

  • LSD Zombie

    Jesus christ, they couldn’t have picked worse fucking writers to remake Poltergeist. Shitty looking CGI ghosts, I can’t wait.

    • Doc Block

      Don’t forget the CGI Clown (if they actually choose to keep the scariest part of the movie!)

  • Doc Block

    IS NOTHING SACRED!!!!!

  • frank_dracman

    Horror is DEAD!

    • Doc Block

      YES IT IS!!!

  • Doc Block

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • RikGriff

    They should hire Tobe Hooper to direct again and then fire him four days into production so he can just stand around on the set looking awkward. It’ll be just like old times.