Cohen to Produce Monster Squad Remake

The Monster Squad, remadeI guess it’s not really a helluva lot of information, but it could be enough to ruin your morning if you’re not careful. Rob Cohen caught up with the B-D boys recently to chat about his latest film, The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, and dropped some potentially disturbing news about the 1987 classic The Monster Squad.

One word: Remake. Paramount has apparently acquired the remake rights for Fred Dekker’s beloved masterpiece of monster mayhem. As of right now Cohen is on board to produce only, with supposedly no intentions of directing. I hope he’s telling the truth about that; of course whomever they do find to direct could be 1000 times worse than Cohen…

Right now it’s all in the early idea stages, it seems, so hopefully it’ll be a long time before we hear it spoken of again. And when we do, the letters “C-G-I” had better not ever come up in conversation.

Johnny Butane

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Johnny Butane


    • That’s right. My virginity is just as long gone and forgotten in the far-off ether of the past as is your dignity, Kryten old chum. :-P

    • No way, dude. Messiahman is RIGHTEOUS.

      It’s The Monster Squad that’s BOGUS. It’s nothing but a lame GOONIES wannabe. :-P

        • Actually, I just came back from the doctor. He told me that I had no problem at all, but that you were likely in the later stages of “being blinded from pure crap by overpowering nostalgia.’

          Touche, muthafucka!

          (next week, you and I will have duel at ComiCon, good sir… that’s right, a DUEL!)

          • I shall bring my monocle and fancy man moustache.

        • Obviously, you have heard about my fabled spec script… “Boobies.”

          Basically, it’s just like “Goonies,” except there are no kids and no plot. Instead, it consists of a bunch of hot, naked, oiled-up women engaging in hardcore lesbian sex for two hours… all to the jumpin’ tunes of Cyndi Lauper!

          • Does it matter what tunes are playing? Most guys would be watching something like that with the volume turned down!

            In any case, a sound akin to someone rapidly pulling their hand in and out of a bowl of Jello would surely drown out the delightful crowings of Ms Lauper :-0

          • Man, don’t you get it? It’s the addition of the Lauper tunes that makes this a work of Tarantino-esque pop art!


  1. Guess what? I’m not a fan of the original film either. While it’s a good idea with a few fun moments, the execution is mostly very poor. The movie is a mess, and the ending sucks.

    And anyone who doesn’t truly think “Wolfman’s got nards” is utterly lame is suffering from nostalgia overload — it’s incredibly lame. Oh man, is it ever lame.

    Bring on a remake. And maybe do it right this time.

    • The only improvement that could be made to the Wolfman’s Got Nards scene would be if Wolfman actually whipped them out to prove it.

  2. The Monster Squad is as lame as anything else, only loved by nostalgic horror fans who saw it as kids. Why even waste hatred on this thing?

    • BLASPHEMY! As punishment for your poisoned words you must watch FUNNY GAMES and THE HITCHER remake back-to-back.

      Then STRAWBERRY ESTATES. Oh yeah. You will suffer.

        • No! He might actually start liking those too! I forgot he enjoyed Funny Games. No wonder he hates MONSTER SQUAD, it doesn’t break the fourth wall enough!

    • Lame? LAME?!?

      Dracula breaking the neck of a police officer and calling a 6 year old girl a “Bitch!” is LAME?

      Creature effects by Stan Winston are LAME?

      “Wolfman’s got Nards!” is LAME?

      Horace is LAME?

      I think not, sir.

      I think NOT!

  3. I don’t understand why it would ruin your day? So what? I’ve got Monster Squad on DVD, who cares if someone makes a shitty remake? Will it ruin your enjoyment of the original or make you appreciate the original more? And hell, maybe Dekker gets some money from it and that’s good for him.

  4. The Jonas Brothers. Hmmm. With Bill Ray Cyrus as Dracula and the cast of High School Musical making up the Monster Squad. There will be much singing and dancing.

    That hurts! I nearly had an aneurysm from that one.

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