All right, try and follow this one; Jonathan Harker, a young attorney, has been dispatched to Transylvania to help an old count move from the barren wasteland to the more populated … wait for it … Nilbog! Harker helps him despite the warnings of pretty much everyone, now the residents of Nilbog are looking down the barrel of a very thirsty count. It’s a hip new Dracula for the 21st century! All you have to do is reverse his name and you’re cool! Buy it here!
Crane is a serial killer who’s only out for one thing; self-destruction. He meets a fellow murdering psychopath who invites Crane to a very private snuff party (cause you know, those public ones are just too commercial), and Crane decides it’s time to finally get rid of some of what he hates most on the planet. Apparently it’s not your typical slasher film, but then what typical slasher film would actually admit that’s what it was? Buy it here!
With a tagline like “The urban legend … that kills!”, how could you possibly go wrong? This hokey-sounding direct to DVD thriller is about the myth of La Llorona, which has haunted the Americas for 500 years. Now the vengeful spirit finds it’s way to New York City (!) for a bit of supernatural tom foolery and makes everyone who comes in contact with her wish they had never been born. Or something like that. Buy it here!
Well, the synopsis lost me at “five teens”, but I read on. And continued to be lost. You see, it’s about five teens who go out on a camping trip so they can get drunk and stoned and have sex. Well, four of them can. I don’t know what they’re into, actually, so maybe it’s all five … anyway, they’re warned of a pissy spirit called “The Beer Hunter” who terrorizes those who leave empty beer cans behind in his woods, and pretty soon they come face to face with his “horror’. Ugh. Buy it here!
I’m proud to say that I have still not seen this apparently god-awful remake and have every intention of keeping it that way. Sometimes life is too short, you know? The remake stars Jessica Alba as a woman who gets an experimental eye transplant to cure her blindness. It works, but the new eyes she has also allow her to see ghosts, most of which are pissed off. Check out our “>DVD review of The Eye for more! Buy it here!
Apparently this one’s got something to do with the revenge of a child who was mutilated, burnt, abused, then killed. I’m pretty sure that was the order. Four students (*frustration scream*) come face to face with the child’s ghost, I guess, when they break into an abandoned hotel (*more screaming*) and learn that sometimes it’s just not worth it to party and have sex in abandoned buildings. Buy it here!
Robert Louis Stevenson envisioned Jekyll & Hyde as a struggle between the good and evil sides of man; Jekyll & Hyde Together Again re-envisioned the tale as a struggle between the chaste and horny sides of man, something I think we can all relate to a lot more … This comedy sees Dr. Jekyll develops a way to isolate man’s “animal instinct” but when he takes it he turns into a gold-toothed, hairy chested party animal. Wackiness ensues! Check out our “>Jekyll & Hyde Together Again DVD review for more! Buy it here!
Is it just me or is the whole Japanese schoolgirl kicking ass thing getting old? I’m sure it’s just me. On a revenge trip, young Ami runs afoul of some rather nasty Yakuza members who beat the shit out of her and take her left arm. Two kindly garage mechanics take pity on her and fit a high-powered machine gun where her left arm used to be, and now she’s pretty much an unstoppable killing machine. And she’s hot. Buy it here!
Shirley MacLaine stars in this supernatural thriller that predates The Exorcist but apparently wasn’t good enough to be compared to when the latter film came out. MacLaine plays Norah, a New Yorker whose brother starts speaking Spanish and practicing strange rituals. The more she looks into the reasoning, the deeper she gets into the world of Santaria and soon believes a dead serial killer is inhabiting her brother’s body. Check out “>Possession of Joel Delaney DVD review for more! Buy it here!
Unearthed continues to dig up some of the sickest shit you can find on DVD short of snuff with the sequel to the goretastic Red Room. Another millions dollars is at stake for anyone willing to enter the titular room. This time the four contestants play a card game, the loser having to do whatever the winner’s heart desires, no matter how sick and twisted. Imagine the possibilities … or don’t and just buy the movie! Buy it here!
Some found this to be one of the most controversial reviews we’ve ever posted, if you can believe it, because it sparked quite a bit of debate. Not exactly the kind of debate you would think would come from a movie about sharks, but at least people were talking! The film stars John Schneider and Daryl Hannah about a husband and wife trying to figure out why all the sharks in the ocean have suddenly gotten angry and are working together to take down the human population. A fuckton of sharks, yes, but not nearly as fun as it should’ve been. Read our “>Shark Swarm DVD review for more! Buy it here!
Peter Cushing stars as a collector of all things strange and occultish, and is given the opportunity to buy what is said to be the skull of the Marquis de Sade, an opportunity he jumps at. Christopher Lee stars as the skull’s former owner, who is more than happy to be rid of it. You see, just having the skull around you leads to nighmarish things to take over in your daily life, and pretty soon an unspeakable evil is upon them. Find out just how unspeakable in our “>DVD review of The Skull, suckas! Buy it here!
Now this is one that’s been waiting for a DVD release since the format was created, so I’m really happy it’s finally been dug up and put out. Really, this is one of the first horror/comedy parodies, telling of a killer known only as The Breather, because of his heavy breathing, who terrorizes a high school and picks off the sex-starved couples one by one. It’s up to one student to try and stop the murderer, but of course she finds herself a suspect before she can do any good. Check out our “>Student Bodies DVD review for more! Buy it here!
– Johnny Butane
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