Dread Central's Best and Worst of 2013
Buz "Danger" Wallick's Picks
5) EVIL DEAD ’13 - What can I say about the Evil Dead remake that hasn’t already been said? This was one of the most entertaining filmgoing experiences I’ve ever had. I squealed with joy every time a face was ripped away or an arm cut off. And by the end, right when my brain was thinking, “Man, this movie is gory...” IT STARTED TO RAIN GODDAMN BLOOD! It was glorious. So very glorious.
4) GRABBERS - I love monster movies. I also love movies that make you feel like you’re on a bender. Grabbers is both of those things, along with sexy Irish accents. The basic premise is these monsters that crave human blood attack this small Irish community, and they discover that if they are drunk, the monsters won’t attack them because the alcohol is poison to them. Yes. It is just as awesome as you imagine it is. Seriously, I LOVED this movie. It’s streaming on Netflix, so watch it.
3) MANIAC - Those that know me well know that I am not a huge fan of slasher flicks. They don’t scare me, and I find them rather tedious. And to be honest I have only seen the original Maniac once, and besides a few moments I found the experience as a whole to be tedious. That was not the case with the remake. No only did it disturb me to my core, I couldn’t stop thinking about it afterwards. I even called my girlfriend an hour after seeing the movie and telling her she wasn’t allowed to walk alone in LA anymore. Which is another reason I loved it so much; how LA centric it was. Very few movies capture the shitty grime and glamour of Los Angeles and MANIAC ’13 nailed it.
2) RESOLUTION - Haven’t heard of this movie? What are you waiting for? GET ON NETFLIX AND WATCH IT NOW! Resolution is a simple yet complex horror film that made my skin crawl. And it does what few horror films do nowadays: present interesting characters you WANT to see make it. There are so many movies that have interesting concepts but fail because the characters are so one-dimensional. RESOLUTION knocks this out of the park, and thanks to a recommendation from Andrew Kasch, it is one of my favorite movies of the year.
1) THE LAST OF US - What’s this? A video game on a best movies of the year list? Yeah, I don’t care; The Last of Us was better than any movie this year by a large margin. Not saying that all movies this year were bad or anything, that’s just how good THE LAST OF US is. I was so compelled by the story of TLOU that I started to just play the game in order to progress the story and get to the next cut scene (which when all cut together makes for a riveting 6-hour movie you can find on YouTube). It was also the first time I ever became emotionally upset if I accidentally got my character(s) killed. I was so attached to them that it was horrifying to me to see them harmed in any way. Playing as Joel, I HAD to protect Ellie, at all costs. I truly felt those stakes. If you haven’t played this game, for the love of God get out there and do it. I bought a PS3 just to play this game and it was worth every penny. THE LAST OF US gets best of everything for 2013.
BIG ASS SPIDER! and CONTRACTED are definitely owed some love. Both are great movies that you can watch on VOD if you haven’t yet. Seriously, these movies ROCK.
And honestly, WAKE IN FRIGHT would have been my number one movie of the year because I just watched it on Netflix a few weeks ago. However, it came out 30 years ago so it doesn’t work for 2013. That being said, it’s on Netflix streaming so you must see this movie. It’s incredible.
I need to preface the following list by pointing out that I do my absolute best to avoid bad movies. I hate watching bad movies, I hate paying for them, I hate wasting my time. So with that being said, I didn’t see a whole lot of bad stuff. Which is why you will only see 4 things on this list. The bad things I did see though pissed me off something mighty because I wasted my time on it. Thus, they will incur my wrath (or a strongly worded article three people might read).
4) PACIFIC RIM - Yep. You all knew this was going to be on my list. When I first came out of the theater, I was just mildly frustrated that it wasn’t as good as I thought it was going to be. Then I really started to think about it and break down what was wrong. That’s when I realized there was only one scene in the entire movie that I liked, the rest was just me desperately trying to like the rest or me becoming enraged that the bad human performances were being thrown in my face in so-so 3D. I just can’t. The movie is a mess and is one of the single worst scripts I’ve seen in a theatrical release in years. It’s an embarrassment to the Kaiju genre (something I love very much).
If you like it, great! I really don’t care. But don’t you dare try and sit there and tell me the acting, writing, or direction is anything more than utter shit.
3) THE HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT: GHOSTS OF GEORGIA - Why? Why was this made? Why did I watch it? Why write anything else about this vapid sorry excuse for a horror movie? WAIT. Katee Sackoff was great. That answers question number two. The rest of the film is pure nonsensical garbage.
2) "SUPERNATURAL" EPISODE 9.04 - "SLUMBER PARTY" - I adore "Supernatural." Two badass dudes ride around in a sweet muscle car, listen to classic rock, and battle evil. Seriously, it’s one of my favorite shows on television. And while there have been some bad episodes here and there, the good far outweighs the bad. And then this episode happened.
Firstly, I can’t stand Felicia Day's character, “Charlie,” so that’s strike number 1. But then to make this whole terrible story about the real Dorthy and the land of Oz....blah blah holy Christ, it’s terrible. Remember when I said "Supernatural" is one of my favorite shows? This episode was so bad that I almost gave up on the entire show. It is the Doublemeat Palace episode of Supernatural. For you non-"Buffy" fans, I’m not changing that reference and you should feel bad for not getting it; now go watch "Buffy."
Luckily the season got back on track a few weeks later, but I will forever remember that episode for being the lowest the show has ever gotten.
Now, speaking of shows that can’t get their shit together...
1) "THE WALKING DEAD" SEASON 3 FINALE - I really wanted to just put the entire last half of Season 3 on here as well as the first half of Season 4; however, a few things kept me from doing that. One being everyone else's weepy hurt feelings whenever I criticize their precious show and I didn’t want to offend their delicate sensibilities (they’re already going to cry foul when they see Pacific Rim up there), and two that there were a few genuine cool moments... not many, but a few.
That being said, no one can defend the third season finale, in which the writers and showrunners LOST THEIR GODDAMN MINDS.
The Governor, having run out of cool leather vests to wear I’m assuming, decides to attack the prison with his merry band of Woodbury sheep. They have assault rifles and grenade launchers. Then two people start shooting at them (a group of 30+ people armed to the teeth) and The Governor and the rest of his flock decide to escape the terrifying counter attack of a skinny Asian dude and his girlfriend. I cannot believe that this was acceptable to anyone at AMC. It’s embarrassing.
Oh, and I haven’t even mentioned them killing off television's most poorly written character in a desperate attempt to gain fan forgiveness. A death that meant absolutely nothing. NOTHING. No great sacrifice, no saving the day. Just not being able to pick up some pliers in time. What a load of horseshit.
This single episode of television was so bad that they spent the first half of the next season trying to correct it.