Top 13 Lessons Learned from Watching Friday the 13th Films
Rule #7: Don't Search For Missing Friends!
When you're out in the woods with friends and people start going missing, it's never a good choice to go out looking for them. This includes the dog as well. Fuck the dog. If your friends are suddenly missing, do not go out looking for them. There's no sense in you getting killed as well. Let's try to minimize the collateral damage here. If you're in a rural cabin with a bunch of friends and suddenly some of them turn up missing, don't go wandering out in the woods to try to find them. That will just lead to more trials and tribulations. Just sit tight and wait for them to come back. Catch up on some reading, play some games on your phone. Just whatever you do, please, stay the hell out of the woods.
Rule #8: Don't Go Off Into the Woods Exploring
In the same vein as the previous rule, we include this one. Don't go exploring. Believe me, I grew up in Upstate New York, surrounded by woods. If you go out exploring, you're not going to find anything that interesting. Okay, maybe you'll find a Native American arrowhead or two. Is that worth having Jason ram a machete up your ass? However, if you absolutely must go out in the woods exploring, if you happen to come across a dilapidated cabin, steer clear of it. You never know, a supernatural killer might live there. Honestly, there's nothing in the woods to discover. Chill at the cabin, drink a couple beers and call it a night.
Rule #9: If You Discover Bloody Clothes, Sheets or Signs of Violence, Run Away!
Moving one step further from searching for missing friends is the discovery of bloody sheets or clothes or some signs of violence. It seems like Friday the 13th characters never embody the proper level of fear when finding blood-soaked sheets or clothing. Let's incorporate a couple of rules and make this very clear. If your friends or pets are missing, fuck 'em. Sit tight in the cabin until they come home or the sun comes up. However, if you find a substantial amount of blood on anything, get the fuck out of there! And we mean RUN! Don't try to use the car that we know will only let you down, leading to your untimely demise. Hopefully your cardio is up to snuff and run, run, run!