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To Know We Live in a World Where Panda-Saurus, Monster-Zilla, and Atomic Shark Are Real Movies

To Know We Live in a World Where Panda-Saurus, Monster-Zilla, and Atomic Shark are Real MoviesThere are three movies in the works titled Panda-Saurus, Monster-Zilla, and Atomic Shark; and the most shocking news of all is that neither Syfy nor The Asylum haa anything to do with them.

Though I suspect somewhere Syfy execs are kicking themselves for not thinking of Atomic Shark first.

Let’s not waste too much space since each of these TomCat Films productions come complete with a fairly long synopsis.

First up is Monster-Zilla since it is reportedly already in post-production. Despite the “zilla” suffix that typically denotes kaiju-sized monstrosity, the plot to this one sounds very much like something Fred Olen Ray would have made years ago under the title “Jurassic Spring Break.”

Two Navy SEALS, Trevor and Doug, are sent to an abandoned island in search of a “package,” but instead of being the hunters, they find they are being hunted. During their escape they come across a camera left in the hands of a dead man. After taking refuge the two men watch what’s on the film and see the story unfold from the point of view of a young man named Garrett, taking in the fun of spring break, along with meeting Garrett’s fellow college age travelers. As the story progresses, we learn more about each of the college kids on break, and that there is a creature on the island that’s big and hungry.

Knowing they’ll have little time on the beach to gather the “package” before possibly being hunted, the Navy SEALS grab up their gear and head out to complete their assignment. Unfortunately, when they hit the beach, the one thing they hadn’t thought about actually happens. The creature has young that are now fully grown and, hunting as a pack, are now after them. A sudden twist takes place when another camera in a secret location shows that Trevor and Doug are being watched from the unseen force that sent them there in the first place. It seems that while the SEALS were watching the video of what happened to the college kids, someone else was watching the SEALS on their own video feed. Perhaps there’s a monster out there far worse than the one’s hunting them.

Monster-Zilla

Things get even sillier with Panda-saurus and I have no problem pulling a Philip J. Frye, waving dollars in the air and yelling, “Take my money!” This promises to be the “bloody cute” tale of what happens when a geneticist decides to Carnosaur a panda bear.

Zoo owners Dr. Jill Sikes and her husband, Dr. Frank, are in the process of trying to have their pandas Juju and Jojo mate and bear offspring, but unfortunately their plans get disrupted. This panda mating was quite important to Jill and Frank; their financial future depended on it. The situation with Juju has brought Frank to turn to an old university acquaintance, Dr. Stella, who has previous experience with breeding animals. Unknowingly to Jill and Frank, Dr. Stella is secretly working on cloning a dinosaur and plans to use Juju as the host; but something goes wrong. A quickly growing mixture of panda and dinosaur, a pandasaurus tears itself free from inside Juju and quickly escapes, hiding itself in the sewer lines of the zoo. It’s not long before patrons in the zoo start turning up dead.

It is up to Dr. Stella and zoo owners Jill and Frank to capture the animal and save their zoo. As they hunt the pandasaurus, it quickly becomes clear that they are in over their heads and that not only do they have a killer pandasaurus on their hands, but one with babies as well. The future of the zoo is no longer the only thing at stake; the future of humanity is as well because should the babies grow to maturity, it won’t be long before man is at the bottom of the food chain.

Panda-Saurus

Last, but certainly not least: Atomic Shark. Less your typical modern creature about a radioactive apex predator, this one is about an attempted coup to assassinate the President of the United States by using sharks to blow up a nuclear submarine. Bet Tom Clancy never thought of that.

In Atomic Shark General Dale “The Charger” Hamilton has an intriguing plan to become the next leader of America. After hiring terrorist Karl Schmidt, the two share an interest in a marine biologist, Dr. Mann, who has created an electronic device that attracts sharks, making them attack anything emitting the signal, even ships or submarines, which is precisely why General Dale and Schmidt are interested in the device, along with a huge 27-foot Great White shark that Dr. Mann has captured.

Knowing the President of the USA is scheduled to christen a new nuclear submarine, General Hamilton has the means to attach Dr. Mann’s invention to the sub. Leaving Schmidt to outfit the Great White with lethal cargo and send it on its mission. All that needs to occur is for the sub to be destroyed, emitting a radioactive cloud that will cover all of Washington, DC, and most of northeastern seaboard, allowing General Dale and his troops to take over the reins of chaos. Controlling the Vice President through blackmail, all that really stands in his way are agents Wilkes and Dorcet, who currently have no idea the deadly mission they’re about to face.

Atomic Shark

Atomic Shark also wins the award for having the best b-movie poster I’ve seen a good while. Seriously, I want that poster art framed on my wall ASAP.

So, when can we expect to see these three schlocktacular motion pictures from the company that gave us Metal Man, The Amazing Bulk, and Aliens vs. Titanic? Not soon enough, I say!

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KW Low