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Trick ‘r Treat Helmer Calls All Robots

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Michael Dougherty preps Calling All RobotsThough we’ve yet to see his debut film, Trick ‘r Treat thanks to some very odd decisions form Warner Bros., director Michael Dougherty is prepping his next movie, an animated adventure called Calling All Robots, and damnit I’m excited for it.

Variety got the word this morning, though the plot details are being kept hidden away for now. Dougherty did tell the trade that Robots will “tell a story that’s a throwback to old Godzilla movies … I grew up watching Godzilla movies. This film is very much rooted in those movies.”

See why I’m excited? The only drawback is that the animation technique they’ll be using is the same motion-capture used on the recent Beouwulf which looked like hammered ass to me. But, Dougherty is an artist before a director so hopefully he’ll keep Robots in the realm of cool.

Still no release date for Trick ‘r Treat, but hopefully we’ll have some good news on it soon! You can read my “>set visit for an idea of why we’re so much looking forward to this one.

Johnny Butane

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Atlantic Rim: Resurrection Review – The #MechToo Movement Has Little Regard for the Ladies

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Starring Steve Richard Harris, Xavi Israel, Jenna Enns, Lindsay Elston, Samm Wiechec, Paul Logan

Directed by Jared Cohn


WARNING: This review does contains spoilers! It’s also a review of an Asylum mockbuster of Pacific Rim: Uprising so I’m not really sure it matters. You pretty much know what you’re getting. People inside giant robots punching giant monsters in the face. Sometimes shooting at them. Duh!

It truly is a bold creative decision in this era of #metoo to have the third act of your movie begin with two male characters, neither of whom has been shown piloting a giant robot previously, grounding the two female robot pilots by locking them in a room in order to go do their job for them and kill the giant monsters that have previously defeated the ladies. Oh, sure, there’s some “mechsplaining” as to how these two guys are sidelining the gals for their own well-being, but even then there’s something unintentionally hilarious about these fellas seemingly deciding to not even trust the women to succeed in what is tantamount to a suicide mission.

Not to mention that one of these young ladies has been infected, potentially fatally, by monster venom and hardly anyone seems terribly concerned about this.

But then I am talking about an Asylum production entitled Atlantic Rim: Resurrection about military officers and scientists piloting giant battle bots (that kind of look like 1980’s Tonka robot toys) to fight giant mutant crawdad-like creatures (that look like perfectly acceptable Ultraman foes) along the East Coast of the United States, even though the city being attacked looks suspiciously Californian. In fact, The Asylum website’s own plot synopsis seemingly forgot it was supposed to be set on the Atlantic seaboard and outright states the monsters are destroying Los Angeles. Their website also wrongly lists the film’s release date as February 15, 2017.

Keeping with those high Asylum standards of continuity, Atlantic Rim: Resurrection is The Asylum’s mockbuster sequel of the forthcoming Pacific Rim: Uprising, even though the original Atlantic Rim, released in 2013 to coincide with the original Pacific Rim, was actually distributed in North America under the alternate title Attack from Beneath for reasons I presume were to avoid matters of a litigious nature. Nonetheless, here’s a sequel with a very sequel-y sounding title despite most American viewers probably not knowing the previous film by that title.

And you know what? Absolutely none of that matters.

What matters is that this mockbuster follow-up finally answers one of the great scientific questions of our times: Robonet or Python – which neural operating system is the best for psychically synching Go! Go! Gobots! with their human operators? Or, as I found myself thinking after nearly 20+ minutes of technobabble that is truly more babble than techno, “Are they ever gonna shut up and punch a giant monster? I’m here to see big ugly monsters get face punched by big ugly robots, dammit!”

In the time it takes this sequel to finally get around to its first full-on robot vs. monster battle, the first Atlantic Rim had already seen more monster destruction and chaos, more molten hot robot on monster action, and far more entertaining scenes of a trio of monster-mashing robot pilots hanging out in bars getting plastered. The first had more of everything you would want from an Asylum knock-off of Pacific Rim about insubordinate alcoholics operating giant robots to save the East Coast from gargantuan sea dragons. Despite the main scientist brought in to get the robots and pilots fully synched up looking perpetually hung over, this sequel lacks the “Mighty Drunken Broski Ranger” attitude, the cartoonish delirium, and ham-fisted acting of the original that led me to pen a three-star review.

Not to say there isn’t any fun to be had here; just nothing that entertains quite like watching David Chokachi swaggering through a film like a drunk broski in dire need of an intervention as he and his fellow hard-drinkin’ robot pilots beat a seemingly lost and confused giant monster over the head with huge metal hammers while an unhinged, one-eyed military officer holds his commanding officers at gunpoint demanding they allow him to nuke something, anything. None of the stars of the go-for-broke original returns for this mostly by-the-numbers sequel I almost want to say makes the mistake of being too grounded in reality than its wacko predecessor except it’s hardly realistic.

For a film that devotes so much time to over-explaining the concept, I found myself baffled as to why the pilots still had to manually work gear shifts and push all manner of dashboard buttons to operate robots supposedly powered by their minds. Did my mind sink into the Drift during this endless mind-melding chatter and I missed something clarifying this sticking point?

Anyhow, let’s meet our heroic robot pilots:

  • “Hammer” – The black guy. That means he dies first. There’s also another African-American who’ll climb into a robot cockpit for the final battle. He’ll also die. The main Jaeger pilot in Pacific Rim: Uprising is black. Willing to bet he lives. Not woke, Asylum. So not woke.
  • “Badger” – Speaking of not woke, the men of the #MechToo movement will come to decide they don’t need no stinkin’ Badger.
  • “Bugs” – She’s got a lot of attitude. Claims her nickname is because she “stings like a bee.” She gets stung, alright.

The always dependable Paul Logan makes a brief appearance as a soldier because – why not? Paul Logan always plays a soldier. He isn’t given much of anything to do here, and that’s a shame. Logan already looks like the lovechild of G.I. Joe and He-Man. Why not go for the Transformers trifecta by strapping him into a mech and let him get his Rock’em Sock’em Robot on?

Logan’s primary function is to show only a passing regard for the well-being of his wife and daughter, a tacked on subplot that sees the two women fleeing on foot as kaiju of various sizes rampage in the vicinity. Of course there has to be a family separated, desperately trying to survive and reunite amid the calamity because, of course there is – it’s an Asylum movie!

The resolution to this subpar subplot could not have been any more anticlimactic if dad had just sent an Uber to pick them up from the danger zone, which, honestly, isn’t that far off from what actually happens.

One nifty twist is that a colossal crawdad from aquatic hell spews forth hundreds of little buggers into the streets of East Coast L.A. The characters will refer to these lesser chitinous kaiju as “insects,” “spiders,” and “arachnids” but never “bugs,” presumably to not cause audience confusion with the character who already sports that call sign. They mostly call them “spiders” in spite of the fact that they really don’t look like spiders. More like oversized earwigs. I’m not even sure they had eight legs.

Don’t even ask me to explain what the “Resurrection” in Atlantic Rim: Resurrection means, either. Since this is a mockbuster of Pacific Rim: Uprising, they should have gone with Atlantic Rim: Rising Up since the film begins with giant monsters literally rising up from the sea. Would have made more sense.

On the plus side, any movie where humans using state-of-the-art mind-controlled giant battle bots armed with super science weapons to fight otherworldly giant monsters from the ocean depths yet still has a moment where an injured pilot cracks open a control panel inside his futuristic robot and takes out a plastic blue case labeled “First Aid Kit” that is overstuffed with almost nothing but Band-Aids still earns a merit badge in audacity from me.

  • Film
2.5

Summary

Not nearly the Rimjob I was hoping for.

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Sneak Peek: Ash vs Evil Dead Season 3

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“How was I supposed to know that all that crazy sex could lead to a kid?”

Tomorrow night marks the return of Starz’s horror-comedy seriesAsh vs Evil Dead starring Bruce Campbell!

And before you settle in for all the madness and mayhem a mere 24-ish hours from now, make sure you check out this cool Sneak Peek at the third season via SyFy Wire.

It is a lot of fun and features one of the best lines I’ve heard out of Ash since the original trilogy (see above).

Give it a watch and then let us know how excited you are to finally check out the first episode of “Ash vs Evil Dead” season three tomorrow night!

The third season stars Bruce Campbell, Ray Santiago, Dana DeLorenzo, Lucy Lawless and Arielle Carver-O’Neill. Campbell executive produces the series with Sam Raimi, Rob Tapert, Ivan Raimi, and Rick Jacobson. Season 3 has new showrunners: Mark Verheiden and producer Moira Grant.

“Ash vs Evil Dead” season three begins tomorrow night!

S3 synopsis:

The third season finds Ash’s status in Elk Grove, Michigan has changed from murderous urban legend to humanity-saving hometown hero. When Kelly witnesses a televised massacre with Ruby’s fingerprints all over it, she returns with a new friend to warn Ash and Pablo that evil isn’t done with them yet. Blood is thicker than water in the battle of good vs Evil Dead!

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Must-See: Jurassic Park meets The Walking Dead in The Jurassic Dead Trailer

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“Evil Always Finds a Way…”

I think I have a new must-see movie.

It’s called The Jurassic Dead and is it, duh, part Jurassic Park and part “The Walking Dead” in that it features a T-Rex that turns those it attacks into zombies!

Talk about a winning premise. Personally, I’d love to see more quality filmmakers take on films like this. After all, it was a f*cking blast to see Mike Mendez’s Big-Ass Spider.

Anyhow, today we have The Jurassic Dead‘s first trailer and poster for, not only your own viewing pleasure, but I’m sure the viewing pleasure of all your unsuspecting friends/family members on social media.

You can check out the glorious poster to the right and the silly-ass trailer below. Like ’em, love ’em, share ’em, and then let us know what you think!

The film is directed by Milko Davis and Thomas Martwick from a script by Producer Michelle Pacitto and stars American professional bodybuilder/Producer Andy Haman, Cooper Elliott, Shale Le Page, Ruselis Perry, Mia Klosterman, and Nicole Goeke.

Wild Eye Releasing will release The Jurassic Dead in the U.S Summer 2018.

Synopsis:

A unit of mercenaries must team up with a group of tech-geek students after American is struck with an EMP attack. Deep in the desert, they find the source of the terror, a mad scientist who has also just created a living dead T-Rex dinosaur, one who turns everyone it attacks into a zombie. Now they must scramble to stay alive and save the planet from the ultimate undead predator.

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