Sci Fi Channel Movie A Go-Go!

Ogre!This Saturday night at 9/8 Central (with the usual repeat four hours later) the Sci-Fi Channel will premiere Ogre starring Ginger Snaps’ Katherine Isabelle and John Schneider (“Dukes of Hazzard”, Lake Placid 2).

Director Steven R. Monroe (It Waits, Sasquatch Mountain) brings us this creature feature about a group of traveling teenagers that happen upon the small village where no one ages, no one gets sick, and crops are always plentiful. They discover that this is due to their ancient pact with a CGI ogre that looks an awful lot like someone mated Shrek with a gorilla. A bearded John Schneider is the town elder who must decide whether to finally fight back against the monster of the mountain or maintain the status quo by offering the teens up to the beast as part of the annual human sacrifice the ogre demands.

The way Sci-Fi keeps going down the list of mythical monsters I do believe “Ork” and “Medusa” should be up next on the list. When they get around to “Snallygaster” I’ll really be impressed.

March 16th at 9/8 Central (no repeat) sees the Sunday night premiere of Hybrid starring Justine Bateman (“Family Ties”, “Men in Trees”). The screenwriter of Dolph Lundgren’s Red Scorpion penned this chiller about a young man blinded in an explosion who becomes the first human subject to undergo a cross-species transplant. Receiving the eyes of a wolf, he can now see in the dark. Unfortunately, he also starts seeing other humans as prey. Ordered to be hunted down and destroyed, he seeks shelter with a mysterious museum curator — a half-breed female herself, determined to protect him.

But will it be as campy fun as a similar z-grade flick called Eyes of the Werewolf I “>reviewed sometime back?

A week later Sci-Fi resumes their usual Saturday night premieres with what may very well be the greatest movie they’ve ever commissioned. How can I say such a thing? Because we’re living in the year 2008 and they’ve made a movie entitled Rock Monster. Rock Monster! You know; because the monster is made of rock! Somewhere in heaven Samuel Z. Arkoff is smiling.

You know the old King Arthur legend about how he pulled a sword from a stone and became king? In this modern day monster movie, a college student pulls a sword from a stone and the stone comes to life, goes on a killing spree, and can only be stopped if he stabs the sword back into it.

Rock Monster makes it world premiere on March 22nd at 9/8 Central with the usual repeat four hours later. Mark your calendars.

Sci-Fi goes mythic fantasy for Saturday, April 12th, when they uncork Odysseus: Voyage to the Underworld with The Mummy‘s Arnold Vosloo in the lead role as Homer’s hero.

But on Saturday, April 26th (9/8 Central… yadda…yadda…yadda…)it’ll be back to the beast-of-the-week movies with Warbirds, a film I “>previously mentioned on the last day of last year.

“Charmed” star Brian Krause plays one of a group of soldiers during World War 2 helping ferry a top secret weapon to an American airbase in the Pacific only for them to get swept up in a violent storm and finding themselves on an island overrun by flying prehistoric pteradons.

Expect several dino-themed Sci-Fi Channel movies this year. I’m still waiting for a bad ass Triceratops flick myself.

And from the still to come department: Genesis Code.

Originally titled Monster Ark, seems there was a monster so wicked God knew even the flood wouldn’t kill it so a second ark was commissioned just go keep whatever it is locked away. That was until the director of Rock Monster came calling.

Buried under the sands of Iraq world famous archaeologist David Solomon has found a clue to the one of the ancient mysteries of the Old Testament. Solomon’s discovery leads to a remote desert which contains the remnants of an ark. The team must fight off insurgents as they uncover the mystery. Things turn deadly as they discover this ark didn’t carry animals, it carried something evil.

Currently in post-production, Genesis Code stars Renee O’Connor (Xena’s sidekick “Gabrielle”), Tim McKay of HBO’s “Tell Me You Love Me”, all-purpose movie tough guy Tiny Lister, and Carlos Leon, most famous for being the father of Madonna’s daughter, Lourdes. Expect Genesis Code to premiere later this year.

Finally, remember Pitof, the pretentiously named French director who helmed the astoundingly awful Catwoman? Halle Berry won a Razzie Award and moved on with her career, but what of Pitof? Well, it looks like Pitof’s finally getting out of the director’s jail he’s been locked away in for the past 3-4 years. That doesn’t mean he’s been completely exonerated though. He may be out of prison but he’s still under house arrest – the house of Sci-Fi.

From the writer of previous Sci-Fi Channel originals’ Earthstorm and Caved In: Prehistoric Terror, Fire & Ice stars Angel’s Amy Acker as a princess who falls for in love with a knight played by 300’s Tom Wisdom while they set about to face a dragon threatening their kingdom. Her father the king is played by Arnold Vosloo, whose agent must really be high on Sci-Fi Channel fantasy films right now. Also appearing in the film is John-Rhys Davies, who, as I’ve stated in the past, is required by law to appear in all fantasy films.

Fire & Ice even has its own website that you can visit by clicking here. Not much there right now since the film is still in post-production. Given how f/x heavy the site touts it as being I’m under the impression this probably has a bit bigger budget than the typical Sci-Fi original. Might actually turn out well; Vidocq was pretty well regarded.

Still, this is quite the downfall for the man known simply as Pitof. Though after Catwoman, he should probably cast his lucky stars he’s been able to get up at all. That “Kaos” guy who directed Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever hasn’t made a movie since.

The Foywonder

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  • Emy

    Hey, you’re allowed to like Vidocq…

    I am just one opinion in the sea that is the Internet.

  • Kryten Syxx

    Aw, come on Emy … Vidocq was great. Gérard Depardieu + Washing Wenches = Win!

  • Emy

    Vidocq… Well regarded… I don’t know… It was, to me, well, … boring I guess would be the right word… Watched it with friends and fell asleep… then woke up before the end and saw the “twist” come from a mile… I think he should have stayed a special effects guy (Delicatessen, City of Lost Children, Alien:Resurrection, …). Maybe Sci-Fi will be a good home for him.

  • Gus Bjork

    WHOOO! Monster Ark at last!

    Although I thought the story was going to take place entirely in the Old Testament times for some reason.

  • thedudeabides

    Motion in the ocean
    His air hose broke
    Lots of trouble
    Lots of bubble
    He was in a jam
    S’in a giant scam!

  • Chainsaw

    We were at the beach
    Everybody had matching towels
    Somebody went under a dock
    And there they saw a rock
    It wasn’t a rock
    It was a rock monster!