Dread Central's Best and Worst of 2012
There's little doubt about it - 2012 has been one hell of a year for horror movies, both good and bad. Narrowing things down to the five best and five worst is a pretty damned hard job, but alas... thy will be done. That being said, here are your old Uncle Creepy's picks in no particular order.
The Cabin in the Woods - Seriously, it's hard to remember the last time we saw comedy mixed with horror done so incredibly well. For my money this flick delivered on all counts from our favorite “Puppet Masters” at command central right down to its “kitchen sink” ending. Loved every damned second of it.
Prometheus - Talk about anticipation. The lead up to this film's release alone was enough to drive a person crazy. While not exactly the flick I wanted, I have to give it props for being the biggest budget cheesy monster movie I've ever seen in a theatre. Please, movie lords, if there's a sequel, keep Damon Lindeloff and his pointlessly headsy drivel that goes nowhere away from it.
Sinister - This pick is bound to be a controversial one as people either seem to love it or hate it. I for one had an absolute blast with the flick. The minimalist approach taken to deliver the scares is what won me over along with the rich mythos constructed for the film's big bad.
The Loved Ones - Yeah, okay. I know The Loved Ones was originally released in the UK in 2009, but we didn't get it here until this year, damn it! Of all the psycho slasher fodder we've been force fed over the last year, The Loved Ones is nothing short of a breath of fresh air. Hats off to Robin McLeavy for giving us one of the most memorable psychopaths of the last decade. If you haven't seen this one yet, do yourselves a favor – right that wrong pronto.
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter - Now here's a film that truly surprised me. The simple fact that it is as historically accurate as it is, is mind blowing. Couple that with some of the best damned action found anywhere, and of course some truly evil vampires of the non-sparkling variety, and what we have here, kids, is nothing short of a genre-bending horror-centric home run!
The Grey, Dredd, The Raid: Redemption, Chronicle, ParaNoman, The Bay, Maniac, Bait 3D
Jesus H. Christ! Where to start?
Silent Hill: Revelation 3D - Make no mistake about it; the only revelation to be found here was the fact that I just paid over ten bucks to see one of my favorite video game franchises get butt-fucked in the third dimension. 'Nuff said.
Greystone Park - Less a movie and more of an endurance test, you're not likely to see a bigger stinker for the rest of your life. In fact, I'd nearly put this one on par with Strawberry Estates save for the fact that something actually happens in this movie. At least I think something happened. Honestly, it was so friggin' dark that I could barely tell.
Tape 407 - Attention, indie filmmakers. Please use this poor excuse for a movie as a blueprint for how not to make a found footage film. From top to bottom everything is wrong. To cite every example would take far too much energy than this crap deserves. You're on your own.
Piranha 3DD - Here's an idea: Let's take everything that was good about Piranha 3D and leave it out for the sequel! We don't need blood and gore! We've got The Hoff! Who needs a plot? We've got Gary Busey! And we have sleaze! Tons of sleaze. We're gonna make the audience feel dirty! Here's the thing... When you can somehow make looking at boobs seem boring, there's a real problem with your movie. This one reeks of dead fish and Weinstein tinkering.
Smiley - Like Area 407, this is a complete A to Z guide on how not to make a slasher movie. This thing is just rancid. Bloodless kills. Stupid teens. Every horror cliché you can possibly fathom hurled at you with reckless abandon. In the end this piece of shit actually managed to make the incredibly wretched Cry Wolf look good, and that was no easy task!
Paranormal Activity 4, The Tall Man, Munger Road, ATM