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*UPDATED* Boogey Nights

Boogeyman 2When I woke up this morning, I took part in my usual routine. Went outside, then ran back after realizing I was still naked. Much to the chagrin of my neighbors. Ahem … went outside (again) and grabbed the morning paper.

Immediately I turned to the obituaries. Score! I wasn’t in them. That meant it was time to hop in the shower.

There I was scrubbing away at my ass and contemplating the meaning of life when I had a startling vision — You know what we need? A sequel to Boogeyman!

In a moment of Twilight Zone type strangeness, after I was done rinsing off, I turned on the computer and was led via e-mail to a story posted on Production Weekly that sent shivers down my spine and then straight out of my ass.

Hold on to your sanity, folks! We ARE getting Boogeyman 2!

Jeff Betancourt, the editor of the upcoming The Grudge 2, is set to make his directorial debut on this horror sequel. You know how it goes: Work on one sequel, work on them all.

This time out the story will focus on the exploits of a young woman with a long-term phobia of the Boogeyman. Tired of dealing with her nighttime terror, she voluntarily checks herself into a loony bin in hopes of getting a grip. Of course in true horror fashion, shit like this never works out and spooky hi-jinks will surely abound.

This just in – The following casting call has gone out:

FEMALE – 18-21, beautiful, likable, warm, and intelligent…

MALE – 18-21, twin brother, cured of his fear of the Boogeyman, warm, supportive, eager…

FEMALE – 30s, professional, down-to-earth, doctor, scared to death when she leaned that her mother’s schizophrenia was hereditary…

FEMALE – 18-21, emaciated, bitch, chic, THIN, cruel…

MALE – 18-21, handsome, loner, keeps to himself, unwilling…

FEMALE – 18-21, attractive, patient at the clinic…

MALE – 40s, psychiatrist at the clinic…

MALE – 18-21, clean-cut, amiable, a patient at the clinic, terrified of the dark…

MALE – 18-21, a scared and insecure young man, he is another patient, terrified of any kind of germs…

MALE – seen in flashback, overly stern dad who wants the children to get over their fear of the Boogeyman…

FEMALE – seen at 8, screaming with glee after receiving a towering doll house for her birthday, UNTIL she watches the Boogeyman kill her parents…

MALE – seen at 8, delighted, but scared to go alone to the bathroom because of the Boogeyman…

FEMALE – 30-40s, orderly at the clinic…

MALE – 30s, orderly who sells marijuana…

MALE – 30-40s, businesslike, detective, investigates crime scene at the clinic…

MALE OR FEMALE – 30-40s, crime scene analyst, alerts the detective when discovering a decapitated head…

FEMALE – seen in flashback, cheerful mother…

Boogeyman 2 is set to begin production this November in L.A.

Keep it right here for more on the film and other wacky predictions born of washing my ass.

Uncle Creepy

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Jon Condit