*UPDATE* Castlevania’s Plot is Familiar

Will Simon wear those short shorts?UPDATE: Here is a bit of a problem: STYD says the source who sent them the plot below is reliable, but Bloody Disgusting has a trusted source as well who states the synopsis is old and bogus. Who do we believe?! BD’s informant says, “BS… there are no giant bats and no legion of zombies. Simon is not the lead in the film, it’s Trevor!” Guess we play the waiting game now.

From a source unnamed, STYD got a hold of the plot synopsis for the upcoming Paul W.S. Anderson penned and Sylvain White helmed Castlevania. The adaption of the classic Konami video game looks to follow the first entry’s story pretty well, but we all know what happens to anything Paul W.S. Anderson touches, even with a pen…

It is the year 1691… The land of Transylvania has been at peace for 100 years now, and the peasants and villagers have begun to purge their minds of the memories of the times when the lands were dominated by chaos and shadows, and when the undead walked the earth.

However, there are those that remember that the evil Count Dracula returns every 100 years to plague the land, bringing with him the forces of Hell. Thus, one evening, the Prince of Darkness rises and returns to Castlevania, his ancestral home, calling forth his minions to purge the world of human flesh. The people cry out for a hero – someone to defend them from the evil desires of the count. Thankfully, they don’t have to look very far, for within the land of Transylvania the Belmont line still lives, as Simon Belmont, great-grandson of Christopher Belmont, takes up the legendary whip called the Vampire Killer, and sets forth on his journey through the darkened countryside to the dark lord’s castle.

Upon arrival, the young man fights his way through legions of zombies, gigantic bats, and even faces Death himself, but in the end, he makes it to the Count and in a battle to end all battles, he comes out the victor. The price? The evil master places a curse of death upon Simon, which will lead him into a long and dangerous journey in the very near future.

Setting itself up for a sequel already? If they stick to lots of action and little talk we may be in for some actual fun, but does the director of Stomp the Yard and I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer (review) really have what it takes to make a balls out Gothic action flick like this?


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Mike Phalin

Mike Phalin is a contributing writer, reality television star and engineer.

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  • Kryten Syxx

    If a Belmont hits a brick wall with his whip and discovers a fine cooked turkey dinner hidden behind it, then Castlevania is a must see.

  • Blockbuster

    My question is this: Will Simon/Trevor/whoever still jump in really short distance in slow motion? Cause that would suck balls.