Who Wants Lake Dead 2?

If you listened to the new Dinner For Fiends, in which we discussed the After Dark Horrorfest, then you heard quite a bit of discussion about the movie Lake Dead (review), primarily comments along the lines of how utterly wretched the film was and disbelief that it got selected for the fest. I remember walking out of the theater afterwards last Saturday wondering if we’d all just been punk’d by the Horrorfest people or if perhaps this was their way of flipping the bird, so to speak, to all of us who complained about how terrible Dark Ride was last year. But since when has a horror movie being beyond the pale of awful ever stopped a sequel from getting made?Lake Dead sequel? Kill me now

Again, if you listened to the latest Dinner For Fiends (download it here), then you heard me shock and horrify my cohorts with news that a sequel to Lake Dead is in development for 2009 and was being shopped around at last week’s American Film Market. They thought I was joking until I began reading from the plot synopsis I found for it, eventually getting cut off after special guest Tiffany Shepis and my fellow Dread Central colleagues shouted me down in disgust. Might as well pick up where I left off.

Yes, Mr. Butane, there is a Lake Dead 2: The Rage of Kane in the works. Here’s the plot synopsis along with some of my own commentary on the subject.

“The Lake Dead property has been sold to a chuch group who plans to use it for retreats. What they don’t know is that Kane, the monstrous inbreed and the only survivor of the previous bloothbath, still inhabits the land. A group of troubled teens come up on the first retreat, guided by a pastor secretly troubled by his own faltering faith. It doesn’t take long before blood thirsty Kane goes on a much awaited killing spree.”

Much awaited? By whom? You know I didn’t hate Lake Dead to the degree Johnny Butane did, but if there was ever a case of a sequel being completely unnecessary…

“Kane picks off the teens one by one, instituting his now trademark cinderblock style of killing.”

Say what? A cinderblock was used to weigh down the body of a victim they dumped into the lake, but aside from that there wasn’t a single death that involved cinderblocks. If anything was his trademark style of killing it was chopping people with little hatchets; the reason I was prompted to describe the film as “Hatchet for Dummies”.

Now I will say this: If the sequel involves a hulking mongoloid running around the woods with large concrete blocks and murdering horny, doping teens by smashing them to death with them, I’m willing to take back everything negative I’ve said and fully get behind the making of this sequel.

“In the end, the pastor must face Kane alone, a battle that will test his survival skills as well as his faith.”

Something tells me if this movie gets made, sitting through it will test all our faiths.

“Lake Dead Part 2 taps into the animalistic rage of Kane, as he flies into explosive killing sprees almost by instinct.”

But will he rape more women before murdering them? I mean a Lake Dead movie without sexual assault just wouldn’t be worth watching.

“We also find that the family secret goes even deeper than we thought, when Kane reveals an even sicker twist than we expected.”

Gay rape?

“This ride is quicker and bumpier than we think, so hold on tight. And remember, in the Lake Family, blood is thicker than water.”

Given how poorly received Lake Dead was, not to mention how poorly the Horrorfest did at the box office this year, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that odds are Lake Dead 2: The Rage of Kane never makes it out of development. Then again, look how many Wishmaster, Leprechaun, and Children of the Corn sequels we’ve been graced with. Never say never.

The Foywonder

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