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Friday the 13th: 13 Questionable Citizens of Crystal Lake





When Annie first strolls into “Present Day” Crystal Lake at the start of Friday the 13th it seems like a picturesque and idyllic little town, doesn’t it? Yes, some terrible things happened there but it genuinely feels like a nice place to live, and with a strong sense of community to boot.

But once you start watching the sequels, it becomes clear that there’s a real seedy underbelly to the place (and the surrounding parts of Wessex County, too).

Political and medical malfeasance, disorderly conduct, rampant drug abuse and generally odd behavior are just some of the characteristics intrinsic of these citizens.

Friday the 13th: 13 Questionable Citizens of Crystal Lake

13. Crazy Ralph (Friday the 13th parts 1 & 2)

As before, we’ll start with an easy one. We all love Crazy Ralph. His presence is one that makes me smile, especially when he pops out of the food pantry halfway through the original Friday the 13th. How long was he waiting for someone to open that door?

Friday the 13th: 13 Questionable Citizens of Crystal Lake

But have you ever considered what happened to Ralph to make him flip his lid and start spouting doomsday gospel? Sure, he’s the town drunk but what does he know about Crystal Lake that makes him certain that everyone who goes there is doomed? A drowning in 1957, two subsequent murders, some fires and “bad” water spread across 20+ years doesn’t seem like enough to shock a man into drunken insanity. Perhaps it was enough to shatter the façade of safe country living, however, thereby shaking Ralph to his core.




12. Dr. Crews (Friday the 13th part VII: The New Blood)

It’s never clear where “Bad News” Crews is from, so for the purposes of this article let’s say he practices medicine somewhere in Wessex County – thereby making him eligible for this list.

Friday the 13th: 13 Questionable Citizens of Crystal Lake

Seriously, what a terrible man. Not only is he opportunistic and unscrupulous (exploiting his telekinetic patient while prohibiting her actual recovery), but he barely tries escaping Jason before sacrificing Amanda Shepard in his wake. And then he makes no real effort to get out of the woods, choosing instead to stick around until someone happens by. Bad plan, doc.




11. Billy (Friday the 13th – A New Beginning)

It’s one thing to dislike your job, but to conduct yourself irresponsibly while doing it is something else entirely. Billy, the pride of the Unger Institute of Mental Health, really has no patience for working with the mentally unstable and he probably should’ve chosen another profession.

This negligence is highlighted almost immediately in A New Beginning when Billy is glimpsed ogling pornography while riding shotgun during a patient transport. It’s not the best idea to expose someone with severe mental trauma to this kind of material (especially because part 5 Tommy is primed explode in rage at all times), but Billy doesn’t appear to give a shit. He’s even hostile and impatient when Tommy shows reluctance in exiting the van! Real nice guy.

Friday the 13th: 13 Questionable Citizens of Crystal Lake

Oh yeah, he also has a hefty coke habit. Needless to say, when pseudo-Jason puts this guy out of his misery, it’s probably for the best. The Unger Institute of Mental Health would probably agree.




MORE questionable characters on the NEXT page!



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Cool list, great article. I was thinking about Vic from part 5. Why is someone that pissed off and violent allowed to chop wood? Seems kind of irresponsible on Dr. Leonards part. Happy Friday The 13th all!!!!


Submitted by JB Demented on Fri, 04/13/2012 - 5:45pm.
Scott Hallam's picture

Now that's a great list! Well done!


Submitted by Scott Hallam on Fri, 04/13/2012 - 10:41am.

Yeah, there are some crazy people out by Camp Crystal Lake. Looking forward to seeing some of them tonight! http://goreflix.com


Submitted by Goreflixblog on Fri, 04/13/2012 - 8:36am.
Genrewriter's picture

Fantastic list, Matt. I get a chuckle out of the redneck mother and son in Part 5 as well. That entire film is just one amazing bit of strangeness after another. It almost reaches the "WTF?" level that Don't Go Into the Woods...Alone gets to.


Submitted by Genrewriter on Fri, 04/13/2012 - 4:02am.

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