Dr. Gash and Ms. Vampy’s Top 4 Tips for a Frightfully Fantastic Father’s Day
Steve Barton
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Brooke Lewis, aka Ms. Vampy, and yours truly, Dr. Gash, have once again collaborated on a cacophony of cryptic clues to help you ring in Father’s Day this Sunday, June 15th, in the best possible way. Read on to get the scoop.
Ms. Vampy says: Acknowledge Your Father for All His Hard Work
After 100 years, I still can’t figure out men, but what I do know is that men need and love to be acknowledged for all they do, provide and work for! So let your father or man in your life know that you recognize and are grateful for all he has done to keep your family afloat and happy.
Dr. Gash says: As a father and a man myself, I can attest to the fact that Ms. Vampy is 100 percent right on the nose with this one. A little appreciation goes a long way. Don’t be an ungrateful little bastard who tells his father he doesn’t need him, only to nearly get his ass bitten by a bunch of zombies like one son we all know from “The Walking Dead.” Just when you think you don’t need daddy anymore, young mister Carl, might just be the time you need him most. A little thanks would go a long way. And to show you just how much Rick loves his son, check out this hilarious clip video below of just about every time Rick has said the name “Carl” throughout the first four seasons of “The Walking Dead.”
Ms. Vampy says: Ladies, Let Your Husband or Baby Daddy Know What a Good Father He Is
A lot of women compliment their men on how romantic or thoughtful they are or how well they cleaned the house on Sunday, but they forget to let the men know how wonderful they are at fatherhood! We have all witnessed how fatherhood has changed many men’s lives. Men take pride in being a dad and doing the best job they can. They deserve to hear that you think so too!
Dr. Gash says: It’s really great to let dad know just what a great job he’s doing. But you don’t want to go overboard on it, or he might just go overboard on the top-notch fathering. How is that possible, you may ask? Think back to a movie/novel entitled Pet Sematary where Dr. Louis Creed just couldn’t keep himself from burying his daughter’s beloved cat in the Micmac burial grounds to keep from disappointing his young daughter. And then burying his son… and his wife… Yeah, Louis went a little nutty with the reanimation plan, but surely your dad will hold things together better this Father’s Day.
Ms. Vampy Says: Plan Something “Macho” and Out of the Ordinary
Ladies, yes, this is a day when you may have to kick off the high heels and play the role of a racecar driver! Whether it be fishing, hunting or hitting that baseball game (Ms. Vampy is more of an Eagles football gal, herself!!!), get guy-ish and take him out to the ballgame! Think about all the weekends dad has spent taking your daughter to dance class or watching that Saturday night chick flick with you, and then think about a fun day he rarely gets to do and plan it! And email us pictures of you playing paintball!
Dr. Gash says: As a lifelong Cowboys supporter, I’ll choke down my disappointment of having to pair with an Eagles fans and soldier on here… Anyway, doing something macho and manly with your dad/husband on Father’s Day is a great way to bond. Again, just keep an eye on the old boy so he doesn’t get carried away. One example that comes immediately to mind is Chris Cleek. You’ll remember him as the father in the Lucky McKee/Jack Ketchum tale The Woman. Out hunting one day, Chris does more than bring home some food for dinner; he brings home a woman (thus the title). And not the fun kind of woman either. This one was feral and filthy and altogether difficult to get along with. When he decides to civilize her, things go from bad to worse. Nothing like a perfectly good hunting day gone wrong.
Ms. Vampy Says: Pamper Your Father/Husband/Man
Tell dad to take a load off! Bring him breakfast in bed, pop in whatever DVDs or Netflix he wants to watch all day, draw him a bath and play his favorite music! Give him a full day without fixing anything or solving any problems. Make Father’s Day all about him, and he will feel like a king!
Dr. Gash says: A king indeed! Because if dad doesn’t get a chance to relax in his own way every once in a while, you may start hearing things like, ‘All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy’ over and over and over again. And believe me, you do not want that. Sitting around watching a couple movies of dad’s choice is a small price to pay to avoid being trapped in a bathroom with him swinging an axe through the door like Mr. Jack Torrance. And be sure not to forget the cake like poor Bedelia did in the “Father’s Day” section of Creepshow because some dads really want their cake… and are even willing to come back from the dead for it!
Happy Father’s Day, everyone!
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