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The Blood Stream: Alice in Murderland

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The Blood Stream: Watch MeThe Blood Stream mines the Internet for horror gold so you don’t have to, delivering streamable horror titles never before featured on Dread Central. Occasionally I’ll dredge up something good, maybe even great. To find those gems, I’ll have to sift through a lot of breathtakingly bad cinema. Enjoy!

This week my choice came down to two movies directed by a prolific no-budget auteur named Dennis Devine: Don’t Look in the Cellar and Alice in Murderland. (Fun fact: In 2000 Devine directed a movie called Bloodstream. Full circle!) Knowing both movies would likely be nigh unwatchable, I decided to choose whichever was shorter. As a result, I won’t be looking in the cellar this week. At 87 minutes it’s a full minute longer than Alice and who has time for that?

The story, insofar as it’s coherent, is this: A seven-woman sorority decides to throw a party to celebrate the 21st birthday of fair-haired sister Alice. Do they throw this party at the sorority house? A local bar? Showbiz Pizza? No, they do not. They choose a house known as “the old Glass place”, which is described as a rundown mansion situated next to a garbage dump. (We never actually see the exterior of the building, just an alley and a metal door as characters enter and exit.) The Glass place also just so happens to be where Alice’s mother was brutally murdered exactly 20 years ago to the day. These girls know how to make a birthday special.

Alice in Murderland

For no goddamn reason whatsoever, they decide it will be an Alice in Wonderland theme party. Because 150-year-old children’s books are all the rage with college kids. Furthermore, they decide, there will be no boys allowed and no cellphones. No cellphones! What, no mandatory “split up to check out strange noises” rule?

You’d be mad as a hatter to add Alice in Murderland to your Netflix Queue.

Chop off your own head before you put it on your Amazon Watchlist.

As you’ve no doubt surmised, this is an awful movie even by amateur standards. It suffers from choppy editing, inconsistent ambient noise from shot to shot and atrocious camera work. Most shots appear to be autofocused on whatever’s in the foreground. The back of a listener’s head will often be in perfect focus while the speaking character in the center of the scene is fuzzy.

Alice in Murderland

Most of the girls are high school theatre caliber actors, with Alice unfortunately the dullest of the bunch. (There are three men in the movie too, all of whom are just as bad.) However, while I wouldn’t call her quite a professional, I genuinely enjoyed Donna, the obligatory ditz. She alone is consistently likable and amusing. Her endearing innocence and unforced delivery allow for some cute, funny lines. (“I made a pun! I said blow chunks…and it’s a junkyard!”)

The whole movie takes place in approximately two locations: an improbable ranch-style sorority house and the old Glass place itself, which in real life is probably a rental studio space. At least that’s the most likely explanation for the black box theater half the scenes take place in. (Hey, free lighting!) I have no idea why there’s a basement full of sewing machines. They certainly have nothing to do with the narrative.

Alice in Murderland

I have a special affinity for terrible independent horror movies made on shoestring budgets. I admire films whose plots are determined by what kinds of props and sets are available for free. These movies are built on the belief that if you put in enough energy and love, even a bad horror movie can sell. All it takes is a little gore, a little humor and, ideally, the promise of a little T&A.

I was involved in just such an endeavor many years ago. I remember tearing a hole in a pair of jeans and applying corn syrup and provolone cheese to my kneecap to simulate a gunshot wound. It was a lot of fun.

The movie I was in was just as dreadful as this one (and I was among the worst parts). But we all worked really hard and we had a blast. Making shlocky movies to turn a buck is a fine goal, even if the end product is all but devoid of artistic merit. Though I’ve never understood the term “so bad it’s good”, I imagine there are enough masochists out there to make this thing profitable. After all, Devine has made five movies since. So good for him.

Alice in Murderland

But, as a sophisticated consumer of entertainment, Alice in Murderland is not good for you. It’s a technical disaster. It’s not scary. It’s not sexy. It’s a little gory and a little funny, but even at 86 minutes it’s way too long.

Instead, read Lewis Carroll’s original novel Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, then watch Scream for the hundredth time.

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Simon Pegg and Nick Frost Are Truth Seekers Playing by Slaughterhouse Rulez

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One of our favorite pairings of stars from the last twenty years is no doubt that of Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. Their chemistry is undeniable, and if you didn’t get enough of it in “Spaced,” Shawn of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, The World’s End, and Paul, you’re about to get a bellyful of it on both big and small screens.

Variety is reporting that Frost and Pegg will be starring in “Truth Seekers,” a half-hour comedy-horror TV show about a three-person paranormal investigation team.

According to the site, each installment of “Truth Seekers” will focus on a paranormal incident, a setup with clear monster-of-the-week potential. “Each episode is going to be an adventure, a potential haunting or something,” Pegg says. “It’ll start as a very parochial idea, a very small business venture for these people, but it will expand as the series goes on to be something far more global. It’s a language everyone understands, the mystery of the unknown. Shaun of the Dead was a very parochial story set in North London, and somehow it managed to get this global reach because everyone understands the language of zombie movies.

That’s not all, though… the pair are also working on the feature film Slaughterhouse Rulez, a horror-comedy now in post-production. Directed by Crispian Mills and set in a well-to-do public school, the movie is “very satirical, very much about the U.K. selling itself off,” Pegg says. “It’s about fracking as well, and that unleashes some awful subterranean demon.

Both of these projects will be released under their Stolen Picture shingle. Stay tuned, kids! More as we get it!

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Rest in Peace – Yôsuke Natsuki

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We’ve lost another Kaiju legend today as reports are coming in that famed Japanese actor Yôsuke Natsuki has passed on at age 81.

Natsuki was a familiar face in several Godzilla films including Godzilla 1985 and Ghidorah the Three-Headed Monster. Born in 1936, Yôsuke has made over 100 appearances in film with the last being in 2012’s Kirin.

We here at Dread Central would like to take this time to honor Natsuki’s friends, family members, and constituents.

すべてのことを与え、すべてのことを作成するために役立っていただきありがとうございます。簡単に休め

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NSFW Kill Clip from Volumes of Blood: Horror Stories Now Available on VOD

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VOB now available on VOD!

For those who might not know, Volumes of Blood: Horror Stories is a sequel to the indie horror anthology Volumes of Blood, produced by P.J. Starks and Eric Huskisson (The Confession of Fred Krueger) and Christopher Bower (The Dooms Chapel Horror).

It features actor Moses Moseley, best known for his role as one of Michonne’s “Pet Walkers” on AMC’s “The Walking Dead”; the acting debut of WWE legend Sir Mo from Men on a Mission; and original music by Rocky Gray (drummer for We Are the Fallen, Living Sacrifice, formerly of Evanescence) and Shane Prather (Sharknado franchise, Sinister Squad, Lavalantula).

The flick recently hit VOD and to celebrate the release, the filmmakers have shared a “Kill Clip” from the movie to spread the bloody word.

You can check out the NSFW Kill Clip called “All Torn Up” in all its gory glory below and then let us know what you think.

Volumes of Blood: Horror Stories is now available on Amazon, iTunes, YouTube, Google Play, and more!

Synopsis:

A couple plan to purchase an old home but would like one last tour before the closing. They’re guided around the estate by a creepy realtor that may have more in store than they bargained for.

Searching floor by floor, they begin to discover the remnants of its sordid and terrifying past… A popular 80’s franchise gets a modern upgrade, but at what price? On Halloween night a teen left home alone meets a trick or treater that wants more than just candy. A door to door insurance salesman makes a Thanksgiving house call with monstrous consequences. Andrew and Sara are happily married and plan on spending some quality time together, but something sinister has other plans for their evening. Carol’s Christmas Eve turns into a fight for survival when a vengeful stranger isn’t feeling the holiday spirit. Lastly, a birthday party turns bloody when some unexpected guests drop by at the wrong time.

Seven interwoven tales of terror… how many stories does your house have?

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