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Move Over, Mayans! Apple’s Siri Is the New Prophet of Doom!

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Move Over Mayans! Apple's Siri is the New Prophet of Doom!For years the world had feared the coming of the year 2012. Mainly because the Mayans decided to stop updating their calendar. The result of all that hoopla? A hilarious disaster porn comedy starring John Cusack. This, however… this is something to be taken far more seriously.

Those of you out there with Apple products should be more than familiar with Siri by now. We’ve all seen the commercials with Samuel L. Jackson asking his iPhone the weather or to make reservations for him at a restaurant, but did you know that Siri can actually predict the darkest day the human race will ever know?

Try asking Siri, “What is July 27th, 2014?” She will cheerfully respond, “It’s Sunday, July 27, 2014 (Opening Gates of Hades).”

That’s right, kids! The Gates of Hell (which were recently “discovered” in Turkey back in March of 2013(!)) will be opening in just a few months! Guess Big Red and his minions needed some prep time before wiping us out.

For extra fun try asking Siri, “When will The Gates of Hell open?” Her response will make Lucio Fulci proud. Harmless virtual assistant, my ass!

Siri The Gates of Hades

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Steve Barton

You're such an inspiration for the ways that I will never, ever choose to be.