Elvira Talks Movie Macabre
DC: Yeah, I do two or three movies a day and I can fill your life up with this stuff. [laughs]
CP/E: [laughs] I do two or three a day, too, but they’re the most horrifying crap you’ve ever seen. I’m wading through boxes of films I get sent that I could afford and oh my god… is it sorry. I gotta tell you. [groans] I’ll find one good on in every twenty-five movies maybe that I watch.
DC: I always say that being a horror fan is like being a prospector in a river of shit.
CP/E: [laughs] I might steal that line! That’s the greatest line ever…
DC: You just have to wade through so much crap to get to the smallest of nuggets of gold.
CP/E: You REALLY do. Know what I found the other day that I was like, “Wow!” and it’s a total piece of crap… I’d never heard of it before and I LOVED IT. It’s bad. It’s really bad, but its bad in a really great way. It’s THE UNDERTAKER AND HIS PALS.
DC: Oh, that’s a fun movie!
CP/E: Oh, my god! I can’t believe I’d never heard of it before. That blew me away. I’m wading through this crap and I’m wading through this crap and then I played that and I’m like, “Oh, my god…” with a title like THE UNDERTAKER AND HIS PALS. Compared to what I’m seeing, I thought it was pretty damned funny. And I’m looking for stuff that’s sort of bad-good, so… I’m not really looking for scary stuff, but looking for stuff that’s really bad, but bad enough as to be good. It was a really funny movie. Most of the crap I see is just bad, so bad that I can’t even make fun of it and that’s hard to believe. Anybody would turn it off after just a few seconds of watching it, so… that was like a breath of fresh air.
DC: So when you sit and watch something for the show, do you sit with a notepad and write all of your stuff or do you have people that sort of help you out with that?
CP/E: Nope. I mean, I have people that help me out, but I sit… with a notepad… and watch the movie several times. I first go through it with all the notes that just hit me. Then, I give it a little break and then watch it again and come up with some other stuff. I then try to think of little ways we can play off of and have kind of a storyline. That’s what we’ve been doing lately. I didn’t do that my first time around, but this time we’ve been getting a little bit of a tiny, tiny story line going through my segments. So, we come up with that and then go back and write jokes. Then, my writing partner, Ted Biaselli, who’s brilliant. I love the guy. He goes through it and does the same thing, makes notes, and we kind of get together and compare the notes, watch it, and sort of write it right there on the spot. We’ll go through and rewrite it later and then I usually go back and watch the movie AGAIN to get the “pop-ins” that I do. I’ll pop in at the corner and comment on lines, so… You get to know the movie pretty well. People are always asking me… You’d think I’d remember every line of the movie, but what happens instead is that I’ve seen so many that they all kind of melt into one big, giant bad movie in my brain.
DC: So, tell me about the Double Feature DVDs.
CP/E: I’m glad you asked. Entertainment One is coming out with them on June 14th and it will be the show - minus commercials - and really good quality and much more easy to find than on TV. I think it’s going to be really good. I’m very excited it’s on DVD. Each DVD is two films and they’re going to release two every other month. For now, that’s the way it’s set up until the release all twenty-six. One really cool thing about the DVD feature also compared to TV is that it will have six never before seen episodes which I am not going to air in the syndicated package. So, that will be kind of cool. They’re really ones I love a lot, too. WASP WOMAN which is one of my all-time favorites. KILLER SHREWS.
DC: I love that movie.
CP/E: Oh, my god! I love KILLER SHREWS! Oh, my god! Love it so much and it came out really funny. Through the first half of the movie, I think it’s ATTACK OF THE KILLER SHOES and it’s all dealing with foot fetish stuff. Then, WILD WOMEN OF WONGO which has always been one of my absolute favorites. I hosted it a couple of times before and it’s brilliant. Have you ever seen that?
DC: Yup… great stuff.
CP/E: I can’t wait for the discs to come out. They’re really fun.
DC: I’m impressed by some of the “pulls” that you’re doing in the shows. I mean, I Eat Your Skin and Satanic Rites Of Dracula… that’s some good stuff.
CP/E: Oh, SATANIC RITES OF DRACULA… I really hate that movie. [laughs] I hate to say it, but that’s the worst piece of crap. The three others I love… I love WEREWOLF OF WASHINGTON. I’ve hosted that about three or four times. I love it every time more. But, SATANIC RITES OF DRACULA is one of those that we had to have more color, so we took that. I’ve got to say, it’s just a really slow moving, pretty damn boring movie. It was really hard to eek some humor out of that. Or even make sense of it. I’d have to say… It’s horrible to say, “Oh, yeah… here’s my package of movies and the one I hate the most is one of the first four,” but… [laughs] Some movies are just easier to have fun with than others and that was a particularly difficult one.
DC: It’s like having to do My Dinner With Andre. “Nothing’s happening!”
CP/E: [laughs] I know… “What are we going to make a joke about? There’s nothing there!”
DC: So, how did you hookup with Entertainment One?
CP/E: Oh, golly… My manager actually knew someone from there and told them I had a new television show out and they should check into it and they looked at it and loved it. They immediately grabbed it and I was thrilled out of my mind because, with syndication, I’m not exactly gettin’ rich over there. I tell ya… [laughs] So, it’s nice to have a DVD release.
DC: It’s such a huge market now.
CP/E: Unfortunately, probably that’s going the way of the dinosaur, too.
DC: With stuff like streaming.
CP/E: Yeah… pretty soon I don’t think there’ll be physical DVDs around. I think people will always collect them. Like right now, people are collecting vinyl. There’ll always be a market for collectors of that kind of thing, I think. Especially in my genre.
DC: Agreed. Horror fans are rabidly loyal and they’re really forgiving.
CP/E: They are! That is so true. I tell people that. It’s hard to believe because, you know, you’d think it would be the opposite with horror, but… I have the best damn fans in the whole world and they really love horror. They’re so adamant about it and when they get into it and they like Elvira… they’re the best! They will like you when your five hundred years old and they don’t give a damn how you look. The people who really enjoy the genre and really enjoy the hosting and all of that, they are your fan no matter what you do.
DC: I also notice on your website that you have such a great amount of access to them.
CP/E: And more now thank god. I have my new site up and I’m doing a lot of live chats. I’m doing web casts and I have my new fan club and I’m really gearing all of that up to where I can interact with the fans instead of just having pictures to show online. And I love doing that.
DC: If you look at someone like Kevin Smith whose whole fan base now is based off Twitter and Facebook.
CP/E: It’s crazy, isn’t it?
DC: It really is.
CP/E: I gotta get me some of that.
DC: It’s a full time job, I tell ya.
CP/E: I believe it. I mean, I have a couple of assistants who work on my website, Facebook page, and Twitter and they don’t have enough time to get much done. It’s crazy. I don’t know. I do as much as I can and, you’re right, it’s a completely full time job. I don’t see how the people who do nothing but that have time to do it.
DC: Let alone create.
CP/E: Yeah, yeah… and have time to do something that you’re supposed to be doing. Exactly.
DC: I’ve always been impressed by you and how witty and smart you are. I’m curious as to whether you’ve ever though of podcasting or is that a whole ‘nother kettle of fish?
CP/E: It would be fantastic. I wish I could do it. I have a list of stuff I want to do that’s a mile long and I try to attack it one at a time and that’s a great idea, too. I would love to do a pod cast.
DC: Ok, I think that’s it. Is there anything I’ve not asked about? [laughs]
CP/E: Well, I had a really bad Facebook accident recently. My Facebook page after… I don’t know how many years… disappeared. Just boom!
CP/E: Gone forever. And it was pretty… developed (if I do say so myself)… and I had hundred of thousands of friends on there. I now have like eleven thousand. So, if everyone can mention to anybody at any time to become a friend on there… It’s “Elvira Mistress of the Dark Official.” If you just put in “Elvira” and “Official” it comes up, but… because there’s a lot of Elvira pages. I’m just trying to get friends on Facebook! It just looks ridiculous that I have so few. It’s horrible.
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