Dread Central's Best and Worst of 2010
In a town hit by a man-made chemical weapon causing neighbor to turn on neighbor, there is nowhere to hide. If the government knows it happened and seals the place off from the rest of the world, that’s double true! The premise is not overly worked with characters so well formed; all it took was a cast of excellent actors to make it swing. This is an epic tale with tragedy at every turn and absolutely no need for a sequel.
Sometimes, a crew is just allowed to do everything right. The fact they are ALLOWED to is the real miracle. Black Swan is the darkest fairytale about a ballerina trying to make her dreams come true. Unfortunately, her success can only be attained as her sanity unravels, on screen, like a terrifying creature of infinite beauty. This is the saddest of soul-stirring songs with a finale that will stay with you long after the credits roll.
While 90% of Hollywood seeks to wow their audience with overwhelming spectacle, earth-shaking horrors...or at the very least, ye old tried and true remake, one film crew decided to take us back to school. Three people on a chair lift in the dead of winter. As each light goes out below them, we wonder what will happen next. Superb acting, perfect direction and sound effects that will make you ball up in your seat with imagined pain are all the movie magic you’ll ever need.
When is the last time you heard a soundtrack to a movie and said, “I need to own that!!” Not for a long fucking time, yea? This movie has that at its core, and built around it is a gritty cyberpunk tale with very few traditional “good guys” to be found anywhere. It’s bloody, fast, sexy and even alongside the unflinching horror, it’s funny! This is everything I ask a perfect date movie to be…if your girl is as twisted as you are, of course.
Best Worst Movie
Brilliance. The filmmaker, who was also an actor in the abysmally bad Troll 2 (the subject of this movie), paints a portrait of triumph wrestled painstakingly from the clutches of total failure. We are now in the future, where we celebrate the cataclysmically bad in films, and so a movie outlining such a fall and rise with nothing but pure honesty behind the lens makes for an insanely good time, not to mention the source of many an hysterical moment. Even worse, the documentary is so good, IT MAKES YOU WANT TO WATCH TROLL 2!!! For that, the filmmaker should be applauded, then shot.
A pack of unlikable characters locked in an elevator, and one by one, they start dying in the most brutal ways possible. Instead of playing up the claustrophobia of the situation, we get breaks with a detective trying to unravel the mystery. This might also be a gripping option, except that the ENTIRE PREMISE OF THE MOVIE IS BASED ON THE FACT THAT THE KILLER IS THE DEVIL!!!! Thus, the fucking title…and the trailers. Why, oh why, would you waste your time and mine trying to spin a murder mystery worse than anything "Law and Order" ever threw in the trash, when the whole idea is the devil is fucking about? Ugh. The only thing more ill-conceived would be if the fucking trees were killing people. Could you imagine that crap?!?
Some movies convince you they started out as a stick figure sketch made in the middle of a pitch meeting. The ink bleeds through the cocktail napkin like a classic Slayer album cover. An angel with rippling abs and leather pants wields a glimmering sword in one hand and a badass automatic weapon in the other. SOLD!! Then the same guy writes the film and directs all the action. The suits stop him when he insists it would be “boss” if they replaced all the gunfire sounds with him making Pew Pew noises. This is a colossal waste of time and one that will give you a headache with brain assaulting dialogue you’ll be convinced a pack of stereotypical jocks from an 80’s movie came up with.
It’s 2...two...TWO bad movies in one! One film is a CGI blockbuster with giant menacing aliens pilfered from your favorite video games and movies. The other, a badly lit, poorly acted, horrifically written and sluggishly paced “humans in peril” saga shot on a sub-par camera phone. Put them together and it’s as yummy as chocolate-dipped dung beetles.
This was a painful one. Most reviewers would agree it is a lesson in what to NOT do in nearly every instance of editing, directing, and shooting. The creators took an edgy, mysterious anti-hero character with years of history already written for him and (as Hollywood is so fond of doing) then said, “You know what...we got this.” They said, "We’ll make him HOT and wisecrackin and give him a perpetually sweaty HOT femme to rescue.” Then they hired an excellent actor to play his nemesis and told him to read all his lines as if he was disappointed with his only female child. They also mentioned that if he could get through the entire film without making a single facial expression, he would get a fat bonus. Success.
Clash of the Titans
Never have I looked forward to a movie more and been so completely disappointed by the result. Just goes to show you can’t computer generate FUN!! Ya know…because it is supposed to be fun, like those movies they make where we laugh and cheer and smile a bit. Instead we got an orgy of flaccid special effects sitting in for any sort of interesting writing and, as a final fuck you, a little dig on how lame the creators thought the original was. Note to Hollywood: If you don’t understand why an original movie is loved, DON’T REMAKE IT.