Rob Zombie’s latest film, The Lords of Salem, has gone before the MPAA and come away with a rating. The flick will be rated R for “disturbing violent and sexual content, graphic nudity, language and some drug use.” You know, all the good stuff!
The Lords of Salem stars Barbara Crampton as Virginia Cable, a camera operator for a local kid’s show at Salem Public Access TV called “Lobster Joe’s Fishy Fun Show”; Brandon Cruz as Ted Delta, a local Salem drug counselor; Michael Shamus Wiles as Jarrett Perkins, owner of Salem’s Engine House Pizza; Michael Berryman as Virgil Magnus, 50% of a well-known witch hunting duo called “The Brothers”; Sid Haig as Dean Magnus, the other half of “The Brothers”; Christopher Knight as Keith Williams, aka Lobster Joe, the host of “Lobster Joe’s Fishy Fun Show”, a staple of local Salem television; Patricia Quinn as Megan, the town’s palm reader; Judy Geeson as Lacy Doyle, owner and landlady of Heidi Hawthorne’s apartment; Ken Foree as Herman Jackson, one third of The Big H Radio Team; Richard Lynch as the film’s protagonist, Reverend John Hawthorne; Lisa Marie, who plays Priscilla Reed, a woman who gives her all to support “the cause of the coven“; Billy Drago as Judge Samuel Mather, a key player in the history of the Lords; Dee Wallace as Sonny, a self-help guru; Bruce Davison as Francis Matthias, author of the book Satan’s Last Stand – The Truth About The Salem Witch Trials; Maria Conchita Alonso as Francis’ wife, Alice Matthias; Torsten Voges as Count Gorgann, lead singer of the Norwegian death metal band Leviathan the Fleeing Serpent; Jeff Daniel Phillips as Herman “Whitey” Salvador, one third of The Big H Team; Meg Foster as Margaret Morgan, the leader of a secret coven of witches in Salem; Ernest Thomas, as Chip “Freakshow” McDonald, the station manager at Salem’s #1 rock station; and Sheri Moon Zombie as Heidi, the final third of The Big H Team.
Heidi, a blonde rock chick, DJs at a local radio station and, together with the two Hermans (Whitey and Munster), forms part of the “Big H Radio Team”. A mysterious wooden box containing a vinyl record arrives for Heidi, “a gift from the Lords”. She assumes it’s a rock band on a mission to spread their word. As Heidi and Whitey play the Lords’ record, it starts to play backwards, and Heidi experiences a flashback to a past trauma.
Later Whitey plays the Lords’ record, dubbing them the Lords of Salem, and to his surprise, the record plays normally and is a massive hit with listeners.
The arrival of another wooden box from the Lords presents the Big H Team with free tickets, posters and records to host a gig in Salem. Soon Heidi and her cohorts find that the gig is far from the rock spectacle they’re expecting: The original Lords of Salem are returning, and they’re out for BLOOD.
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