Traditionally known as walkers, pus-brain bags of shit, etc., everyone knows that for the most part zombies can be counted amongst the dullest tools in the shed. The scarier part? Live thinking humans can exhibit far less brain power than the instinct-driven shamblers.
Case in point: A Williston Park man, whom police said shot his girlfriend in the back with a rifle Monday after a heated argument over the television show “The Walking Dead,” told authorities he was annoyed that she came to his apartment to smooth things over.
In a statement to police, Jared M. Gurman, 26, said he told his girlfriend, Jessica Gelderman, 27, also of Williston Park, to leave. “Jess walked into the room, and I fired the gun once and hit her,” Gurman said. “She said, ‘Oh my God. What did you do?’”
A single round from a .22-caliber semiautomatic rifle pierced Gelderman’s lung and diaphragm and shattered her ribs, said Nassau Det. Lt. Raymond Cote, commander of the Third Squad. Thankfully, as of late Tuesday, police said Gelderman was in stable condition with the bullet still in her body.
Gurman and Gelderman, who had been dating for 3-1/2 years, went out Sunday night when they began arguing about the show, an AMC thriller featuring zombies in a post-apocalyptic world, said Nassau Det. Lt. Raymond Cote, commander of the Third Squad.
“I just know that he felt very adamant that there could be some type of military mishap that would result in some sort of virus or something being released that could cause terrible things to happen,” Cote said.
Gelderman, Cote said, thought her boyfriend’s belief was absurd. “She felt that it was ridiculous,” Cote added.
The funny thing? Even if there were a zombie apocalypse, this idiot would be spared as he’s obviously brainless.
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