The Answer to our Prayers – Ninjas Hired to Silence Movie Goers

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Well, it’s about time, no? If ever there was a reason to move to the UK, this is it! London’s Prince Charles Cinema is said to be employing volunteer “ninjas” to regulate good behavior among the audience. If only they were armed.

The so-called ninjas are ordinary cinephiles who agree to “guard” screenings in exchange for free admission. When they spot a patron talking, texting, throwing popcorn, kicking seats, or otherwise engaging in rude behavior, they swoop down to give the jerk in question a talking-to.

One of the program’s recent targets, moviegoer Abdul Stagg, recounted his experience:

I normally hate noisy people in cinemas, but I got a call from my friend just as the movie started and thought I could get away with taking it. The last thing I expected was two completely blacked-out people suddenly appearing by our seats and [giving] me and my mates a warning to shut up. It was actually pretty terrifying at first, but then I realised it was a bit of a laugh and a great way to make it clear what I was doing was having an impact on those around me. It certainly made me hang up and shut up for the rest of the film.”

The scheme came about when Morphsuits co-founder Gregor Lawson found himself fed up with the inconsiderate audiences he ran into at the theater. Lawson’s Edinburgh-based company is known for their skintight full-body “zentai” suits, and he wondered if he could use his products to help solve the problem.

“I’m a big fan of going to the cinema, but there’s an unspoken code of conduct when you’re watching a movie that some people just don’t understand. Then, when some fans were discussing being ninjas in their Morphsuits on our Facebook page, I had a ‘eureka’ moment. I thought I’d find a cinema and see if we could bring a lighthearted task force to the aid of movie fans.”

Please, for the love of sweet baby Jesus lying quietly in his manger, bring this practice to the United States like yesterday. If only for the eventual lawsuits that are bound to happen. Sit tight, kids! And shut the hell up!

The Answer to our Prayers - Ninjas Hired to Silence Movie Goers

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  • Vanvance1

    I often find myself unwilling to go to movies because of all the twats who will be using their cells for talk and text (and yes, we notice you texting because your screen is fucking bright even though you aren’t).

    The truth is none of these cell users are so f’n important they need to be in touch 24/7. It’s just people being selfish.

  • LSD Zombie

    I would volunteer to be a theater ninja in a heart beat!