Dread Central's Best & Worst of 2009
2009 wasn’t a great year for film in general, but there were some absolutely fantastic films here and there. Though I missed a couple of the great ones, I was able to see some truly awesome horror flicks.
5. Pig Hunt - Every year I try to find the one film that no one else has seen. Pig Hunt is that movie for 2009. Crazy hillbillies, a giant man-eating boar, and killer pot-smoking hippies combine to make one of the most fun filmgoing experiences of the year for me. It’s a shame it hasn’t been picked up for distribution yet. While it’s no masterpiece, it is everything I want in a movie.
4. Paranormal Activity - I said I’d keep putting PA on my end of the year lists until it was released, and because it finally came out this year, this will be the last time it appears in my top five. Need I say anything else about the scariest movie I’ve seen this decade? No, I think not.
3. Drag Me to Hell - I can’t tell all of you how happy it makes me to include a Sam Raimi movie on a “Best Horror of the Year” list. DMTH was the only movie this year to make me shout out “HOLY BALLS!” in the theatre. And I maintain that sentiment. It's a great movie with great scares, great gross-out moments, and great goat talking scenes.
2. Trick 'r Treat - It was a really tough decision to put TrT at number two and not number one, but I just had to go with something else in the numero uno spot. Nonetheless, TrT is fucking awesome. It’s one of those films that remind me why I enjoy horror movies as much as I do. They’re supposed to be fun and imaginative, and Trick 'r Treat is just that! It'll keep you guessing all the way through and is a complete blast from start to finish. It will always be one of the biggest crimes against cinema that this didn’t get a wide release.
1. House of the Devil - When I first saw HotD, I knew right away that it was going to be on my best of the year list. However, I didn’t think it would be number one. After re-watching it, though, I decided that it is by far my favorite horror film of the year. The 1980’s setting, the slow methodical burn, fantastic acting from all involved, and the outright most shocking moment in a horror film this year all make up one great scary movie. The filmmakers should be very proud of this flick, and I recommend it to anyone who likes his or her horror smart, suspenseful, and completely manic.
Honorable Mentions: Orphan - For its killer Communist dwarf who sounds like Dracula; District 9 - For being one badass sci-fi movie (not full-on horror, though, so I left it off the list); The Hills Run Red - For having one of the best damn slasher killers I’ve seen in a long time; The Haunting in Connecticut - For being a quiet little haunted house movie that worked very well; and My Bloody Valentine 3D - For naked women with guns in 3D and Dean Winchest...I mean Jensen Ackles.
Like every year, I tend to just avoid bad movies because I don’t like to waste my time or money, but alas, a few bad ones snuck into my viewing material.
5. Zombieland - While everyone else was going apeshit for Z-land, I was looking around confused and asking “Why?” There was no character development, a horrid lead actor, and overall it was just dumb with easy jokes. Save for the cameo scene, I fucking hated Zombieland. Shaun of the Dead did everything and more that this piece of shit wanted to do.
4. The Collector - I was generally really excited for The Collector before it came out. I love most everything Marcus Dunstan and Patrick Melton have done so this was a no brainer. What the fuck happened with this? It is nothing more than a series of Jigsaw reject traps while heavy metal music plays to flashy primary colors. It is nothing but Saw meets Home Alone. Fuck this movie. I came out of the theatre feeling angry and cheated. I will never get that $9.50 back.
3. The Final Destination - An FD movie in 3D?! What could possibly go wrong? Everything. This movie is just stupid. I have nothing else to say about it.
2. Rob Zombie’s (HELLLL YEAAHH) Halloween II - To this day, I still don’t know exactly what I saw in this “film”. It’s an incoherent mess, acted terribly, and just all around bad. The only two good characters in it (Danielle Harris and Brad Dourif) are wasted, and the movie just turns into a remake of "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown". Fuck Halloween II.
1. Children of the Corn ’09 - SHIT.