Top Ten Greatest Beards in Horror History
December 21st, 2009
You know what really makes a man? A beard. Beards have been featured in films throughout the history of cinema, some great, some good, and some not so great or good. But over the years a few beards have stood the test of time and deserve a little attention. So without further ado ...
The Buz presents:
THE TOP TEN LIST OF THE GREATEST BEARDS IN HORROR HISTORY
10: Laurence Fishburne as Max in A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 3: Dream Warriors
Max had one of those beards that just looked like it belonged there. It was a part of his face. While it wasn’t the fullest or longest beard, it makes an impression. And if I’m not mistaken, it’s the only film in which Larry Fishburne had a beard, making it both unique and stylish. Let us hope he brings it back soon.
Unique and Stylish, for the people, by the people.
9: John Getz as Dr. Strathis Borans in David Cronenberg’s The Fly
I don’t know about you, but when I thought of this list, this character popped in my head immediately. I couldn’t remember his name in the film, or even the actor’s name, but dammit if I didn’t remember that fantastic beard. Full and dark, but not resilient to arm wrestling contests.
He has a PhD in beard growth.
8: Bill Moseley as Otis in The Devil’s Rejects
That is an impressive beard. The fact that he was able to get it to replicate The Charlie Manson™ style of beard is both disturbing and respectable. Hat’s off to Moseley for such an amazing beard feat.
No animals were harmed in the making of this beard.
7: Patrick Wayne as Sinbad in Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger
Perfect form, neatly trimmed. Not too long, not too short. If his beard was a fairytale, it’d be motherfuckin’ Goldielocks and The Three Little Bears. Just right.
His porridge is not too hot.
6: James Brolin as George Lutz in The Amityville Horror
I had to include Mr. Brolin on this list for his hair work in The Amityville Horror. He had one of those fantastic Van Dyke beards that narrows down into a point. A sight to behold for sure. It was more terrifying than the ax he was lugging around. If it wasn’t for the awful remake, I’d have put Lutz higher on the list, but nonetheless, gotta give credit where credit is due. That was a rocking beard.
Righteous. / Not righteous.
Great list! Anyone who can't give props to the contributions of a great beard to horror should switch to watching euro-drams and leave genre alone. Kurt Russell's beard is one the seven world wonders of cinema.
Nice work Buz, although can we sneak an honorable mention in to Alan Moore. Genre comics need love too!
Submitted by jkincer on Fri, 12/16/2011 - 3:30pm.
I want to see a Merkin list.
A person can dream, can't they?
Submitted by Permafrost on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 8:22pm.
Salma Hayek should have made the list: http://movieblog.ugo.com/cm/ugo/images/salma-hayek-cirque-du-freak.jpg
Submitted by PelusaMG on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 5:00pm.
That's fake though! Can't have none of that.
Submitted by The Buz on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 5:37pm.
And so - with a straight face - you're telling me that Josh Hartnett actually grew that beard!?
Submitted by PelusaMG on Wed, 12/23/2009 - 1:43am.
I will never understand why the shit I do for this site causes such an uproar sometimes.
And I'm surprised at the amount of response! Thanks for all the comments guys! I was under the impression the five people who usually read The Buz would read my insane sick induced ramblings and that'd be that, but apparently not.
Guess beards really are making a comeback.
Who wants to see a top five or top ten mustaches in film? More than likely 80% of the list would go to Tom Atkins.
Submitted by The Buz on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 3:43pm.
We need more humor on this site. Great stuff.
Submitted by frank_dracman on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 2:52pm.
I'm gonna go on record as saying this is the best damn thing DC has produced yet. I want more like it.
Submitted by Floydian Trip on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 2:34pm.
Proof that the Thing did not assimilate Mac. Not even the Thing could replicate that beard!
Submitted by DavidFullam on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 2:13pm.
brilliant list, and good call on Kurt Russell's rockin beard in "The Thing".it is truly an inspiration to me.
Submitted by Bastard Sun on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 12:11pm.
I dunno, that pseudo-perm look on James Brolin is kind of detracting from the awesomeness of the beard. I am glad to see that Kurt Russell takes the number one spot and also I would like to agree with LifeMi that as soon as I saw the title I knew I was in for some Getz beard.
Submitted by DeaditeSlayer87 on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 12:10pm.
That's funny Pelusa. I might have thrown Stanley Kubrick or Peter Jackson in there just for the hell of it.
Submitted by Floydian Trip on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 11:45am.
You missed the wife of Senator Larry Craig; surely one of THE candidates for best 'beard' in recent years?
Submitted by PelusaMG on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 11:33am.
Brilliant! I've heard the same about Stephanie McMahon.
Submitted by DavidFullam on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 1:59pm.
ZING!
Submitted by Chainsaw on Wed, 12/23/2009 - 3:33am.
I'm growing a beard for the first time right now. Don't know how it's gonna come out but I aspire for it to be as great as one of these. I'd like to go for the Dallas beard. It's all in the hands of mother nature now.
Submitted by Floydian Trip on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 11:04am.
None of these are truly beards, they are merely "long stubble".
Submitted by Shambling_in_Ba... on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 10:18am.
I love this list so much, I'm going to start growing a beard right... now. Thanks for keeping things light and fun around Dread Central, guys. That's why I like it here.
Submitted by tedge1979 on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 10:08am.
OF NOTE:
George Miller directing MAD MAX - BEARD
George Miller directing HAPPY FEET - NO BEARD
You need a BEARD to do GENRE WORK.
Submitted by Heather Buckley on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 10:02am.
You should post your genre beard graphic.
Submitted by Nomad on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 6:10pm.
I think it's awesome and I can't argue with the list at all. The top 4 is fantastic. Must have been tough to bring Hooper in at #2. Now everything has become clear. Except for the babies.
Submitted by Floydian Trip on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 9:59am.
Many years ago I looked at what the academics have called the GENRE BEARD from the angle of the creators. Seemed genre cinema could not get done in the 70s/80s without a beard attached. The more beards the better film (eg. Empire Strikes Back). I am glad that Buz has carried on what I call God's work.
My studies below for those unfamiliar:
Proto Beard:
http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f182/turnpiketramp/GFB.jpg
The Great 70s/80s Genre Beard:
http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f182/turnpiketramp/GB_web.jpg
Future Beards:
http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f182/turnpiketramp/genre.jpg
Submitted by Heather Buckley on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 9:49am.
Excellent! Although the absence of Kris Kristofferson from his A Star is Born/Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore era makes me sad.
Submitted by The Woman In Black on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 6:54pm.
Dan O'Bannon! Hell yeah!
Submitted by DavidFullam on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 6:40pm.
Hmmm...so epic beards = great success in the industry :)
Submitted by theGoldenSimatar on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 10:26am.
Indeed! We are keeping tabs on the great beard of BOTTIN --- and am awaiting his return to monster making. BOTTIN is more beard then man, that is where the magic happens. ;)
Submitted by Heather Buckley on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 10:31am.
LOL, this is the most bizzare and slightly random top 10 lists, but thats what makes is so EPIC
Submitted by theGoldenSimatar on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 8:28am.
Buz, you are one of my good friends, but the lack of Hugo Stiglitz on this list disappoints me terribly. It vexes me. I am terribly vexed!
You broke my heart, Fredo.
Submitted by Chainsaw on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 3:32am.
The minute I saw the headline, I knew right away John Getz would be on the list. Great list; hope to see more off-the-wall lists like this in the future.
Submitted by LifeMi on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 1:27am.
I'm down with the beard list.
Next I want to see a continuation of the basic idea, but this time centered around cinemas greatest cases of female arm hair.
Maybe Raygun can try to top himself (figuratively now people, nooooot literally!) and come up with an even cooler word than vapid to cut it down with! :)
Submitted by The Butcher on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 1:21am.