Top Ten Greatest Beards in Horror History

You know what really makes a man? A beard. Beards have been featured in films throughout the history of cinema, some great, some good, and some not so great or good. But over the years a few beards have stood the test of time and deserve a little attention. So without further ado ...

The Buz presents:


10: Laurence Fishburne as Max in A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 3: Dream Warriors
Max had one of those beards that just looked like it belonged there. It was a part of his face. While it wasn’t the fullest or longest beard, it makes an impression. And if I’m not mistaken, it’s the only film in which Larry Fishburne had a beard, making it both unique and stylish. Let us hope he brings it back soon.

Top Ten Greatest Beards in Horror History
Unique and Stylish, for the people, by the people.

9: John Getz as Dr. Strathis Borans in David Cronenberg’s The Fly
I don’t know about you, but when I thought of this list, this character popped in my head immediately. I couldn’t remember his name in the film, or even the actor’s name, but dammit if I didn’t remember that fantastic beard. Full and dark, but not resilient to arm wrestling contests.

Top Ten Greatest Beards in Horror History
He has a PhD in beard growth.

8: Bill Moseley as Otis in The Devil’s Rejects
That is an impressive beard. The fact that he was able to get it to replicate The Charlie Manson™ style of beard is both disturbing and respectable. Hat’s off to Moseley for such an amazing beard feat.

Top Ten Greatest Beards in Horror History
No animals were harmed in the making of this beard.

7: Patrick Wayne as Sinbad in Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger
Perfect form, neatly trimmed. Not too long, not too short. If his beard was a fairytale, it’d be motherfuckin’ Goldielocks and The Three Little Bears. Just right.

Top Ten Greatest Beards in Horror History
His porridge is not too hot.

6: James Brolin as George Lutz in The Amityville Horror
I had to include Mr. Brolin on this list for his hair work in The Amityville Horror. He had one of those fantastic Van Dyke beards that narrows down into a point. A sight to behold for sure. It was more terrifying than the ax he was lugging around. If it wasn’t for the awful remake, I’d have put Lutz higher on the list, but nonetheless, gotta give credit where credit is due. That was a rocking beard.

Top Ten Greatest Beards in Horror HistoryTop Ten Greatest Beards in Horror History
Righteous. / Not righteous.

Make sure to continue to the NEXT Page for the rest of the list!



DavidFullam's picture

Begins and end with Blair Brown in Altered States.

Submitted by DavidFullam on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 2:15pm.

I already used a cooler word immediately afterward. That word was "braindead."

Seriously, look up the word "braindead" in Webster's, and you'll see this poorly written list printed right next to it.

But hey, if you choose to praise stupidity of this caliber, then feel free. I'll just use it as one more bit of proof that Mike Judge's "Idiocracy" wasn't really a work of fiction.

Submitted by Raygun on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 1:31am.
The Buz's picture

It's definitely no Shark Swarm! ;)

Submitted by The Buz on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 3:51am.
Terminal's picture

Oh what is? A movie of such quality and a brilliant script cannot be compared to anything.

Submitted by Terminal on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 1:42pm.

Uh, okay, whatever that means. If you're the writer of this article, you might want to choose topics that are relevant and maybe take some writing classes. Just a thought. Like I said, this isn't funny. It's just stupid and pointless. People give Fangoria a lot of shit these days, but you would never catch them running a "list" like this.

Submitted by Raygun on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 9:28am.

Wow. Someone would really criticize the writer of this as needing lessons? People can't comprehend things like irony or intelligent people reveling in stoopid humor? Shit, if you're looking at horror, that latter statement about intellectuals slumming sums up the horror genre pretty well. There are great, intellectually stimulating horror movies but the vast majority revolve around blood and tits. And horror fans' love for the genre goes right back to that -- blood and tits.

So really, you're castigating the guy for poking fun at a genre that itself tends to scrape the bottom of the barrel. If he was doing this with Godard films or the German expressionists, I could maybe understand the criticism as some of those movies warrant serious discussion. But he's taking a piss out of something that's already pretty goofy. Then again, I guess the horror movie is serious business so carry on.

Submitted by AngryChairr on Wed, 12/23/2009 - 11:54pm.
moderator I think someone needs to ask
Debi Moore's picture

I think someone needs to ask Santa to bring him a sense of humor for Christmas. Sheesh. The purpose of this list was to entertain and do something a little different. Buz has a great, slightly off-center approach to everything he does, which is exactly why we love him and look forward to his contributions to the site. Like the inclusion of Hartnett -- Priceless!

Submitted by Debi Moore on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 1:29pm.

Wow, I have to come out of lurk mode to say that this pathetic list may possibly be the single most idiotic thing I've ever seen on this or any other horror-related website. This is the sort of vapid, braindead tripe that even toilet rags like US Weekly would be ashamed to run (but hey, at least they'd bother to check for spelling errors and typos).

Looking at articles like these, along with a plethora of news and reviews for films that have nothing to do with the horror genre (Terminator: Salvation, Shutter Island, District 9, etc.) it's no wonder that Dread Central has devolved into irrelevancy.

To the writer of this piece: Whatever you do, don't quit your dayjob. Writing clearly isn't your thing, dude. This isn't clever or funny. It's just lame.

Submitted by Raygun on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 1:20am.
moderator Just having a little fun,
Steve Barton's picture

Just having a little fun, dude. Sorry if you don't approve, Mr. Scrooge! If we're not your thing there are plenty of other sites out there that can maybe serve you a bit better.

Careful though ... every film you mentioned above has also been covered by each one of them as well. Can't please everyone, but we can try.

Submitted by Steve Barton on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 1:31am.
Terminal's picture

So it's "Like everything we do or go somewhere else"? Because I have to admit, it is a pretty dumb list. And not dumb fun, but just dumb. It's like you guys are competing for the same originality Cracked supply with their lists.

Nothing against Buz, I mean I have to credit him not using the word "amazing" once in the article, but best beards? There must be something more interesting or funny relating to horror to make in to a list.

Submitted by Terminal on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 1:53pm.
moderator "So it's "Like everything we
Steve Barton's picture

"So it's "Like everything we do or go somewhere else"?"

Not at all. Never said that. My point was that if ANY user is unhappy with our content and the way that we do things right now there are other options. I respect the other sites a lot and if they're more suited to what a user wants I'm happy to point them that way. We try to make everyone happy -- even though that's impossible -- and hopefully if someone isn't diggin' on something here now maybe the will be later. Judging from the two pages of mostly positive response I'd say this list has been a hit.

We're a bunch of loonies, just like the rest of you. We don't always have to take things so very seriously. If this ever stops being fun, then why bother?

Submitted by Steve Barton on Wed, 12/23/2009 - 5:22am.

It's funny, but a quick check of Fanogoria and Shock Till You Drop shows very little in the way of coverage for the abovementioned films (and no reviews) ... most likely because they are NOT horror films.

Maybe it's just me, but I thought that a site that proclaimed itself to be dedicated to horror wouldn't be covering science-fiction, action and mystery-thrillers. Isn't it a little disingenuous to refer to yourself as a horror site when you cover mainstream non-horror films?

As for the list, glad you found it fun. I thought it came off like the scribblings of a functionally retarded fifth grader -- the sort of thing that even Harry Knowles would turn down. The "writer" should focus on a career that doesn't involve any sort of written communication.

And thanks for showing me the door. I've noticed you have a habit of defensively responding to just about every negative comment that pops up on this site. I figured it would only be minutes until you showed up, and guess what, I was right!

Submitted by Raygun on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 2:06am.
Terminal's picture

Damn I just have to agree with Raygun on this. You guys covered The Incredible Hulk for Christ sake. I mean if you're going to claim to review only horror, then follow up on it. Don't look for loopholes.

Submitted by Terminal on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 1:49pm.
Heather Buckley's picture

Your fear is mission creep? Then maybe we need a sounding board somewhere else for your concern. My dream mag. will always be TOXIC HORROR, which covered the nature of the insane, the horror, and things that were disturbing, sometimes even cross genre. Again you have an issue, take it offline, where it can be CONSTRUCTIVE.

Submitted by Heather Buckley on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 2:43pm.
DavidFullam's picture

Now that was a magazine that should have survived.

Submitted by DavidFullam on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 6:42pm.
moderator When have we claimed that?
Debi Moore's picture

When have we claimed that? We've acknowledged numerous times that sometimes we stray outside the boundaries of "pure" horror. If it's genre-ish, we figure our readers want to know about it. It's easy to skip over something that's of no interest.

As for The Hulk, I don't get why it's questioned. He's a monster. That seems pretty horror-related to me.

Submitted by Debi Moore on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 2:08pm.
Heather Buckley's picture

As for VARIETY --- Hell, I have even pushed to cover more exploitation and cult films (Ninth Configuration much?).

I would have not been the first fright fan on my block to see Reservoir Dogs if GORZEZONE did not cover it. Violent and bloody and cool --- the same things I look for in a horror film.

Genre fans and artists DO need exposure to different things. Speaking of comics and horror, NEAL ADAMS did the production design for Stuart Gordon films (note: Gordon does have a beard). So there, superhero comics/horror people getting together and making you Re-Animator.

Submitted by Heather Buckley on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 2:36pm.
moderator Not to mention the fact that
Steve Barton's picture

Not to mention the fact that it's pretty damned obvious we're all big horror fans. I think it's pretty cool to cover things that are a bit fringy to give other fans a little insight as to what someone such as themselves would think about it.

Submitted by Steve Barton on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 3:05pm.
Heather Buckley's picture

If you are going to have issue with the writing, why not take it offline and write to BUZ and be constructive? Why send your vibes out onto the message board like this? Elevating horror (and this piece is not about that, but endearment to it), starts with the correct kind of criticism and not THIS WRITING SUX (throw up devil horns).

Submitted by Heather Buckley on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 10:13am.
moderator Cool, enjoy! ;)
Steve Barton's picture

Cool, enjoy! ;)

Submitted by Steve Barton on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 2:12am.
kerryvaughan's picture

I love this list so much I want to marry it.

Submitted by kerryvaughan on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 12:49am.
Blwn2bts's picture

I love this list. As a bearded horror fan, how can I not?

However, I do feel the need to point out that "Dreams Warriors" is not the only Laurence Fishburne film where he sports a beard.

In fact, two other films that immediately come to mind are "Deep Cover" and "Boyz In the Hood." I know they aren't horror (they're in the "urban cinema" section), but Fishburne's got great beards in both of them (an undercover beard in "Deep Cover" and a ghetto beard in "Boyz").

Bring the beards back, Larry!

Submitted by Blwn2bts on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 12:39am.
The Buz's picture

Dammit. I had a small feeling, but I just decided to ignore it. Thanks for pointing it out, man! Much appreciated!

Submitted by The Buz on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 3:58am.
Blwn2bts's picture

You're welcome!

And I'd also like to commend you for your choice of naming Kurt Russell's beard as number one. Every time I watch "The Thing," I am in complete awe of that beard.

Submitted by Blwn2bts on Thu, 12/24/2009 - 2:08am.

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