Top Ten Greatest Beards in Horror History


5: Pierce Brosnan as Jean Charles Pommier in Nomads
I’ll admit I’ve only seen this movie once, but that’s just a testament to how utterly badass Pierce Brosnan’s beard is in this movie. This beard was so impressive it ended up on the Box in full form. It’s literally the first thing my eyes go to when I see the poster. It left an impression on me, and if you’ve seen the movie, you know what I speak of. You have to love scientist smart beards. The kind where you look at them and you just assume that person is a genius. This is one of those beards, and Brosnan is indeed a genius for growing it for the role. Now if only there had been a bearded Bond...

Top Ten Greatest Beards in Horror History Top Ten Greatest Beards in Horror History
"Nomads" -- Featuring Pierce Brosnan’s beard.

4: Tom Skerritt as Dallas in Alien
When you see the cast of Ridley Scott’s Alien, it doesn’t take long to guess which one is the captain. It’s Tom Skerritt as Captain Dallas. Why is he captain? His motherfucking beard. Dallas had one of those rugged cheek and neck beards that could theoretically grow up to his forehead and down to his tits if he willed it. Fortunately he trimmed it up and earned himself a Number Four spot on the beard list of greatness. While his chances for survival may have been low, his beard will live on forever as one of the greatest bits of facial hair the galaxy has ever seen.

Top Ten Greatest Beards in Horror History
In space, a few people will probably hear you shave.

3: A.J. Bowen as Lewis/Victor in The Signal and The House of the Devil
More than any other actor on this list, when you hear the name A.J. Bowen, you can’t think of him without the beard. I credit Bowen and his roles in The Signal and The House of the Devil for bringing the beard back in style. The featured beard in The Signal was so manly and badass that I saw Lewis, rather than Ben, as the hero of the film. Bowen’s beard in The House of the Devil was a different beast altogether. When I first saw the film (and the beard), I had a mini Jaws moment where my girlfriend turned to me and said, “That looks like a three-monther” to which I responded with, “Three and a half, two pounds on him.” I may be one of five people that finds that hilarious, but regardless, it’s a beard that should be praised.

Top Ten Greatest Beards in Horror History Top Ten Greatest Beards in Horror History
His beard could have been the babysitter.

2: Richard Dreyfuss as Matt Hooper in Jaws
Speaking of Jaws, it should come as no surprise that Matt Hooper is on this list. If my memory is correct, his was the very first beard I ever saw captured on screen, and to this day it is a thing of much envy for me. Richard Dreyfuss not only was able to memorialize himself as one of the greatest characters in cinema history, but his beard acted as its own character. It should have been in the credits, before Richard Dreyfuss. Without that beard, I don’t think I’d buy Mr. Hooper as a marine biologist. Which I’m sure is why his character grew the beard in the first place: to get more respect from his elders. Or maybe it was just to keep his face warm in time of scuba diving/finding stray heads in boat hulls.

Top Ten Greatest Beards in Horror History
"I ain’t talking about trimmin’ goatees or sideburns here, Mr. Hooper. I’m talking about workin’ for a living, I’m talkin’ about shavin’."

"Yeah, well, I ain’t talking about no patchy mess or chin hair either. I’m talking about a great beard."



DavidFullam's picture

Begins and end with Blair Brown in Altered States.

Submitted by DavidFullam on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 2:15pm.

I already used a cooler word immediately afterward. That word was "braindead."

Seriously, look up the word "braindead" in Webster's, and you'll see this poorly written list printed right next to it.

But hey, if you choose to praise stupidity of this caliber, then feel free. I'll just use it as one more bit of proof that Mike Judge's "Idiocracy" wasn't really a work of fiction.

Submitted by Raygun on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 1:31am.
The Buz's picture

It's definitely no Shark Swarm! ;)

Submitted by The Buz on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 3:51am.
Terminal's picture

Oh what is? A movie of such quality and a brilliant script cannot be compared to anything.

Submitted by Terminal on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 1:42pm.

Uh, okay, whatever that means. If you're the writer of this article, you might want to choose topics that are relevant and maybe take some writing classes. Just a thought. Like I said, this isn't funny. It's just stupid and pointless. People give Fangoria a lot of shit these days, but you would never catch them running a "list" like this.

Submitted by Raygun on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 9:28am.

Wow. Someone would really criticize the writer of this as needing lessons? People can't comprehend things like irony or intelligent people reveling in stoopid humor? Shit, if you're looking at horror, that latter statement about intellectuals slumming sums up the horror genre pretty well. There are great, intellectually stimulating horror movies but the vast majority revolve around blood and tits. And horror fans' love for the genre goes right back to that -- blood and tits.

So really, you're castigating the guy for poking fun at a genre that itself tends to scrape the bottom of the barrel. If he was doing this with Godard films or the German expressionists, I could maybe understand the criticism as some of those movies warrant serious discussion. But he's taking a piss out of something that's already pretty goofy. Then again, I guess the horror movie is serious business so carry on.

Submitted by AngryChairr on Wed, 12/23/2009 - 11:54pm.
moderator I think someone needs to ask
Debi Moore's picture

I think someone needs to ask Santa to bring him a sense of humor for Christmas. Sheesh. The purpose of this list was to entertain and do something a little different. Buz has a great, slightly off-center approach to everything he does, which is exactly why we love him and look forward to his contributions to the site. Like the inclusion of Hartnett -- Priceless!

Submitted by Debi Moore on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 1:29pm.

Wow, I have to come out of lurk mode to say that this pathetic list may possibly be the single most idiotic thing I've ever seen on this or any other horror-related website. This is the sort of vapid, braindead tripe that even toilet rags like US Weekly would be ashamed to run (but hey, at least they'd bother to check for spelling errors and typos).

Looking at articles like these, along with a plethora of news and reviews for films that have nothing to do with the horror genre (Terminator: Salvation, Shutter Island, District 9, etc.) it's no wonder that Dread Central has devolved into irrelevancy.

To the writer of this piece: Whatever you do, don't quit your dayjob. Writing clearly isn't your thing, dude. This isn't clever or funny. It's just lame.

Submitted by Raygun on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 1:20am.
moderator Just having a little fun,
Steve Barton's picture

Just having a little fun, dude. Sorry if you don't approve, Mr. Scrooge! If we're not your thing there are plenty of other sites out there that can maybe serve you a bit better.

Careful though ... every film you mentioned above has also been covered by each one of them as well. Can't please everyone, but we can try.

Submitted by Steve Barton on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 1:31am.
Terminal's picture

So it's "Like everything we do or go somewhere else"? Because I have to admit, it is a pretty dumb list. And not dumb fun, but just dumb. It's like you guys are competing for the same originality Cracked supply with their lists.

Nothing against Buz, I mean I have to credit him not using the word "amazing" once in the article, but best beards? There must be something more interesting or funny relating to horror to make in to a list.

Submitted by Terminal on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 1:53pm.
moderator "So it's "Like everything we
Steve Barton's picture

"So it's "Like everything we do or go somewhere else"?"

Not at all. Never said that. My point was that if ANY user is unhappy with our content and the way that we do things right now there are other options. I respect the other sites a lot and if they're more suited to what a user wants I'm happy to point them that way. We try to make everyone happy -- even though that's impossible -- and hopefully if someone isn't diggin' on something here now maybe the will be later. Judging from the two pages of mostly positive response I'd say this list has been a hit.

We're a bunch of loonies, just like the rest of you. We don't always have to take things so very seriously. If this ever stops being fun, then why bother?

Submitted by Steve Barton on Wed, 12/23/2009 - 5:22am.

It's funny, but a quick check of Fanogoria and Shock Till You Drop shows very little in the way of coverage for the abovementioned films (and no reviews) ... most likely because they are NOT horror films.

Maybe it's just me, but I thought that a site that proclaimed itself to be dedicated to horror wouldn't be covering science-fiction, action and mystery-thrillers. Isn't it a little disingenuous to refer to yourself as a horror site when you cover mainstream non-horror films?

As for the list, glad you found it fun. I thought it came off like the scribblings of a functionally retarded fifth grader -- the sort of thing that even Harry Knowles would turn down. The "writer" should focus on a career that doesn't involve any sort of written communication.

And thanks for showing me the door. I've noticed you have a habit of defensively responding to just about every negative comment that pops up on this site. I figured it would only be minutes until you showed up, and guess what, I was right!

Submitted by Raygun on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 2:06am.
Terminal's picture

Damn I just have to agree with Raygun on this. You guys covered The Incredible Hulk for Christ sake. I mean if you're going to claim to review only horror, then follow up on it. Don't look for loopholes.

Submitted by Terminal on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 1:49pm.
Heather Buckley's picture

Your fear is mission creep? Then maybe we need a sounding board somewhere else for your concern. My dream mag. will always be TOXIC HORROR, which covered the nature of the insane, the horror, and things that were disturbing, sometimes even cross genre. Again you have an issue, take it offline, where it can be CONSTRUCTIVE.

Submitted by Heather Buckley on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 2:43pm.
DavidFullam's picture

Now that was a magazine that should have survived.

Submitted by DavidFullam on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 6:42pm.
moderator When have we claimed that?
Debi Moore's picture

When have we claimed that? We've acknowledged numerous times that sometimes we stray outside the boundaries of "pure" horror. If it's genre-ish, we figure our readers want to know about it. It's easy to skip over something that's of no interest.

As for The Hulk, I don't get why it's questioned. He's a monster. That seems pretty horror-related to me.

Submitted by Debi Moore on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 2:08pm.
Heather Buckley's picture

As for VARIETY --- Hell, I have even pushed to cover more exploitation and cult films (Ninth Configuration much?).

I would have not been the first fright fan on my block to see Reservoir Dogs if GORZEZONE did not cover it. Violent and bloody and cool --- the same things I look for in a horror film.

Genre fans and artists DO need exposure to different things. Speaking of comics and horror, NEAL ADAMS did the production design for Stuart Gordon films (note: Gordon does have a beard). So there, superhero comics/horror people getting together and making you Re-Animator.

Submitted by Heather Buckley on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 2:36pm.
moderator Not to mention the fact that
Steve Barton's picture

Not to mention the fact that it's pretty damned obvious we're all big horror fans. I think it's pretty cool to cover things that are a bit fringy to give other fans a little insight as to what someone such as themselves would think about it.

Submitted by Steve Barton on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 3:05pm.
Heather Buckley's picture

If you are going to have issue with the writing, why not take it offline and write to BUZ and be constructive? Why send your vibes out onto the message board like this? Elevating horror (and this piece is not about that, but endearment to it), starts with the correct kind of criticism and not THIS WRITING SUX (throw up devil horns).

Submitted by Heather Buckley on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 10:13am.
moderator Cool, enjoy! ;)
Steve Barton's picture

Cool, enjoy! ;)

Submitted by Steve Barton on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 2:12am.
kerryvaughan's picture

I love this list so much I want to marry it.

Submitted by kerryvaughan on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 12:49am.
Blwn2bts's picture

I love this list. As a bearded horror fan, how can I not?

However, I do feel the need to point out that "Dreams Warriors" is not the only Laurence Fishburne film where he sports a beard.

In fact, two other films that immediately come to mind are "Deep Cover" and "Boyz In the Hood." I know they aren't horror (they're in the "urban cinema" section), but Fishburne's got great beards in both of them (an undercover beard in "Deep Cover" and a ghetto beard in "Boyz").

Bring the beards back, Larry!

Submitted by Blwn2bts on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 12:39am.
The Buz's picture

Dammit. I had a small feeling, but I just decided to ignore it. Thanks for pointing it out, man! Much appreciated!

Submitted by The Buz on Tue, 12/22/2009 - 3:58am.
Blwn2bts's picture

You're welcome!

And I'd also like to commend you for your choice of naming Kurt Russell's beard as number one. Every time I watch "The Thing," I am in complete awe of that beard.

Submitted by Blwn2bts on Thu, 12/24/2009 - 2:08am.

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