Lionsgate Remaking Twilight? We’re All Doomed.

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Bloody Disgusting

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Machete Kills Edward James OlmosNo. No. No. No. No. In the name of all that is holy, no. I thought we were done. The light at the end of the tunnel has been befouled by the profiles of shirtless underwerewolves and masses of sparkling, brooding flesh. Please. Say it ain’t so. Where’s my rope?

Bloody Disgusting is reporting that Lionsgate is already having internal discussions to remake The Twilight Saga. Having acquired Summit Entertainment (who released several of the films) back in January for $412.5 million in cash and stock, they can pretty much do whatever they want to do. Let’s face it … those flicks, even the best of them, we’re all pretty damned awful. Laughably so.

BD also goes on to write that Lionsgate will be denying this particular story to no end, but they sound pretty damned confident about this so we’ll just all have to wait and see. Something tells us this franchise is never going to end and will be popping up sporadically in one form or another for all eternity like a scorching case of herpes.

No salve can save us.

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Steve Barton

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  • Cinemascribe

    I don’t suppose there’s any chance that Lionsgate will opt for a film where Jigsaw traps Edward and Bella, leaving a tape that informs the vampire that unless he actually kills her and drains her blood like a legitimate vampire of yore, they’ll both die as a result of the contraption he has them strapped to that’s capable of simultaneously driving a stake through each of their hearts, is there?

    ((Sigh)). I thought not. Bleah.

  • Screamz

    This proves it: the 2012 apocalypse hype is true. If this ain’t an omen that the world is ending, I don’t know what is.

    My only hope is that Lionsgate will have at least an ounce of thought and not base any new movies on anything from Stephanie Meyer. Cash in on the name and do something COMPLETELY different.

    Of course, if Lionsgate had an ounce of thought they’d let the whole thing just rot on the shelves. Please, no more Twilight. My brain can only take so much awfulness. See, I can’t even come up with a clever line. Oh, my brain hurts. No more sparkly vampires…

  • addeisdead

    I think I would almost rather see a remake of Twilight than I would the adaptation of Meyer’s other novel, The Host. It’ll be the sci-fi equivalent of a Nicholas Sparks movie, but with less interesting characters and no plot.

  • JB Demented

    WTF Seriously?? Well I guess the good thing about this remake is that You cant ruin something that already blows. WTG Lionsgate.

  • Jinx

    Fascinating. Why wouldn’t Lionsgate just find a way to expand the existing franchise? One shots focusing on secondary characters, or sequels featuring new characters in the same world, prequels…

    Look, I don’t want there to be any more Twilight films either, but we’re gonna get them all the same. I’m just amazed that the only option Lionsgate thinks they have with their newly-acquired and quite lucrative franchise is to remake the already-existing installments.

    Of course, this is the company that ran the Saw franchise right into the damn ground. Wonder how long it’ll be before they start remaking those films?

  • Vanvance1

    Ye gods, this is scary. It’s the start of a remake trend that could kill cinema in the same way crappy games almost doomed the video game industry back when Atari made ET for the 2600.

    Now if a movie is a hit a year later they’ll remake or ‘reimagine it’. What they don’t understand is people can go elsewhere for entertainment. Welcome to the internet, games, cell phone etc… This is a very slippery slope that could be long term terrible for a movie industry searching for a quick buck.

  • Terminal

    Dear god. Make it stop!

  • DavidFullam

    Well, guess it’s time to mow down some Hollywood execs with the .50 cal.

  • theGoldenSimatar

    Our only hope is that Stephanie Meyer puts a price tag so high that the studio would never give in. Unless otherwise stated in contract; it’s one book = one movie. Like HP7p2, for Twilight 4p2 they had to renegotiate the rights of the book with the author as well as actor contracts. So, quite literally….our hope lies within the person who unleashed this upon us.

    As Lionsgate was pulling a Marvel over director fees for Hunger Games 2…there could be hope.

    Though I remember something akin to this around the time the second or third film was coming; either a spinoff TV show or stand-alone films about each clan and such.