Shirtless Dudes Face the Hirsute Horror of 1313: Bigfoot Island

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1313: Bigfoot Island promises to be the ultimate war between shirtless young men with no body hair and the hairiest movie monster of them all. No clean-shaven lad will be safe when they ditch their tops, enter the forest, and face the hirsute horror of an angry Sasquatch.

On an island in the Pacific Northwest, a young woman calls to ancient spirits in order to right the wrongs inflicted on her. For this she summons the mythical beast that has long been rumored to roam the verdant forests. Nearby a young man readies a cabin for the arrival of his friends. They’ve been coming to this place every year since they were kids, to relax and shape up before the start of a new college year. Only this time they’re about to meet their worst nightmare.

This movie puts me in a horrible bind. On the one hand this is a Bigfoot movie, and as a connoisseur of Sasquatchploitation I am obligated to watch 1313: Bigfoot Island. On the other hand this is one of the latest in David DeCoteau’s increasingly prolific line of “1313” homoerotic horror movies that put more emphasis on shooting muscular young men in their underwear in slow motion than actually trying to be a genuine motion picture. I don’t begrudge his films being homoerotic. I begrudge his films being utterly pointless and soul-crushingly boring. My love for nature gone amok movies coerced me into watching 1313: Giant Killer Bees! (review here), and I’d proclaim it the single worst movie I watched all year except I don’t consider it to have been an actual movie.

I will say that the 1313: Bigfoot Island trailer does give me hope that there might actually be more of an effort to make a real movie out of it. In fact, a lack of underwear shots has already prompted one fan of DeCoteau’s “1313” series to prematurely post a one-star review of this yet-to-be released movie on Amazon based solely on the trailer and his perceived lack of guys in their underwear. “Toasterlad” writes:

There’s only one reason to watch a David DeCoteau movie: hot buff guys running around in their skivvies. Just watched the trailer for this movie: no underwear shots at all (if you’ve ever seen a DeCoteau trailer, you know they’re pretty much nothing BUT undie shots). Shirtless guys, yes, many, many shirtless shots, but nothing briefer than cargo shorts. Especially given that the 1313 series has gotten progressively stupider and lazier, there doesn’t seem to be any reason at all to pick this up.

Not enough underwear shots for your taste? Judge for yourself by watching the trailer below. Then find out for yourself when 1313: Bigfoot Island chases shirtless men through the woods on DVD and VOD on March 6th.

Shirtless Dudes Face the Hirsute Horror of 1313: Bigfoot Island

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  • theGoldenSimatar

    I still beg the question, what in the heck does ‘1313’ mean? Is it reference to making films for a certain budget: $1,313…a time in history, of which during 1313 not a whole hell of a lot happened related to shirtless young men according to Wikipedia….or attempting to mockbuster The Asylum’s line of ‘2012’ titles?

    I am quite confused.