First Cast Image From Jersey Shore Shark Attack

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You know how sometimes you can just look at a person and want nothing more than to punch them in the face? Yeah, we feel like that right about now. Times seven to be exact.

EW scored the first image of the cast of Syfy’s upcoming movie that nobody wanted, Jersey Shore Shark Attack, and after seeing it, unless they all die horrible deaths, we actually want to see the flick even less.

Syfy cast Tony Sirico (Paulie Walnuts on “The Sopranos”), Paul Sorvino (Paul Cicero in Goodfellas), Jack Scalia (Dallas), Joey Fatone (‘N Sync), and William Atherton (Die Hard) in the film. Of course the cast wouldn’t be complete without some chum from MTV’s “Jersey Shore” — it also stars Vinny Guadagnino.

Sirico is Captain Sallie, the wise veteran of boardwalk life and lore. Scalia is Moretti, former Guido beach bum and now police chief. Sorvino portrays the possibly corrupt Mayor, and Atherton is the greedy developer Dolan, who wants to tear down the boardwalk to build a luxury resort where the Guidos will not be welcome. Vinny Guadagnino plays the on-scene reporter Conte, and Joey Fatone appears as himself.

The movie also stars Jeremy Luke as The Complication, Melissa Molinaro as Nooki, Joey Russo as Donnie, Daniel Booko as Balzac, Audi Resendez as B.J., and Alex Mauriello as J-Moni. The director is John Shepphird (Chupacabra Terror). Jeffrey Schenck (Malibu Shark Attack), Barry Barnholtz, and Peter Sullivan are the producers.

God save us.

Jersey Shore Shark Attack unfolds during the July Fourth weekend at – where else? — the Jersey Shore, where rare swarms of sharks are converging due to illegal underwater drilling. Now the angry sharks are on a rampage, devouring residents and leaving it up to the locals to try to save the day.

First Cast Image From Jersey Shore Shark Attack

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Steve Barton

You're such an inspiration for the ways that I will never, ever choose to be.

  • Rob

    Muff Cabbage!!!

    • Uncle Creepy

      I don’t know what this means, but I approve.

      • Rob

        Go watch the “It’s a Jersey Thing” South Park episode and it will all make sense. Or just find that on youtube, it’s quicker.

  • theGoldenSimatar

    All I can think of is “Snooki want smush-smush”