Breaking Dawn Breaks the Bank at the Box Office

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Box Office Mojo

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Thank goodness! At last! The horror slump is over at the box office. $30 million dollar midnight screenings! $139.5 million opening weekend! Woo hoo! Horror is ba… Ah, crap! It’s the new Twilight movie!

We know the very mention of the word Twilight around these parts make certain readers clench tighter than Bella Swan’s vagina prior to this latest sequel, but we wouldn’t be doing our jobs if we didn’t horrify you with the monstrous box office raked in this weekend by the next-to-last installment in the epic romantic love triangle between a vampire, a werewolf, and the soulless, cock-teasing, emo harpy they both long for.

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 proved to be an unstoppable juggernaut this weekend like few films have all year, according to the numbers on Box Office Mojo. Robert Pattinson’s Brillo Pad eyebrows brought in $30.2 million just in midnight screenings alone late night Thursday/Friday. Taylor Lautner’s impeccable abs then launched the film to the third best opening day ever with a whopping $42 million on Friday alone. Kristen Stewart’s open-mouthed vacant stare rounded out the weekend take to $140 million.

Has there ever been a time this many people turned out in such large numbers just to see a teenage girl get deflowered and knocked up?

If you’re an executive at Summit or author Stephenie Meyer, today you’re probably a very happy person knowing you still get to milk this golden cow one more time next November. And if you’re Oscar winning filmmaker Bill Condon, you’re probably also really happy knowing that this temporary selling of the soul should ensure you can get your next project funded without as big of a hassle.

To give you an idea just how colossal Twilight: Breaking Dawn’s opening is, the second place film for the weekend, Happy Feet 2, which you would assume would be a box office behemoth in its own right, only pulled in a very disappointing $22 million. Their feet are not so happy today.

For those insisting on some actual horror in this box office report other than the horror of how much money these terrible Twilight movies keep bringing in, Paranormal Activity 3 dropped out of the top ten with only a one million for the weekend, but that still brings its domestic box office total to just over $102 million. In other words, expect new Paranormal Activity movies every Halloween now until the day they finally burn themselves out a la Saw.

Breaking Dawn Breaks the Bank at the Box Office

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