Here I was planning to do a story posting this past Friday night’s “Nightline” segment about Creature’s box office apocalypse when I find out the film’s director did an interview lashing out at every online critic that didn’t like his movie in a way not seen since Uwe Boll’s famous online tirade following the release of House of the Dead.
Creature opened last weekend on 1,507 screens and barely made more than $300,000. That earned it the distinction of being the worst opening ever for a movie released on 1,500 or more screens.
In an interview with Fangoria (they gave it a positive review, FYI), Creature director Fred Andrews doesn’t have much to say about the disastrous opening weekend, but he certainly has some choice words for people like myself that didn’t like the movie (read my Creature review here). The entire interview reads like the first two stages of the Kubler-Ross model for the Five Stages of Grief. Here’s the money paragraph:
Oh no, the negative reviews have been in no way disappointing; in fact, I am impressed with how many different and creative ways people have been able to express their distaste for the film [laughs]. But seriously, of course I anticipated a lot of negative reviews just given the very nature of the film. It’s not a film for critics; I mean, come on, it’s called CREATURE, for God’s sake! But on the other hand, I was happily surprised when the LA Times gave us a good, honest review; they got it. As have a number of other reputable critics and publications like FANGORIA, Nuke the Fridge, Killer Films and Unwinnable. Those lowbrow sites that have trashed it and bloggers who harshed on the film were no surprise to me, man. Come on, what kind of critic are you if you use the word “titties” in your review, or you’re still talking about my film when you’re reviewing another one. You can’t take those guys seriously, man; they’re bottom feeders.
Funny how none of those “lowbrow” sites were “bottom feeders” when they were practically doing all the promotional work for the film by reporting on Creature prior to its disastrous release. Rotten Tomatoes currently has 3 positive reviews and 20 negative so I guess the New York Times and the Boston Globe now also toil in the realm of lowbrow bottom feeders.
The ABC News “Nightline” episode in question concluded with a short but amusing segment about Creature’s box office boondoggle. Director Andrews is nowhere to be seen or heard from during it, probably because he wouldn’t have taken too kindly to the segment’s “Worst Movie Ever?” moniker and snarky tone. Actually, he probably shouldn’t complain at all since is the most mainstream publicity the film has gotten to date.
An ex-Navy seal, Niles (Mehcad Brooks), his girlfriend Emily (Serinda Swan) and their friends head out on a road trip to New Orleans. When the group decides to stop at a roadside convenience store owned by Chopper (Sid Haig) they are introduced to the legend of Lockjaw, a Creature who is part man, part alligator…The Legend has it that an inbred local man by the name of Grimley (Daniel Bernhardt), lost his family to a monstrous white alligator, and because of the devastating loss of his family was driven to madness and was transformed into the Creature. Their curiosity peaked, the group decides to head deeper into the swamps to check out the birthplace of this Creature legend. As they journey further into the backwoods the group arrives at an old dilapidated cabin and decide to camp there for the night and inadvertently unleash the Creature who terrorizes the group.
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