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Foywonder’s Best Horror Films of 2017

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2017 is gonna go down as a banner year for horror cinema. There were a lot of great new horror films, a ton of really okay horror flicks, and hardly any bad ones at all. 2017 was such an amazing year for horror that two films of our beloved genre appear to be on their way to the Academy Awards. Of course I’m talking about Get Out, Jordan Peele’s racially charged melding of The Stepford Wives and The Thing with Two Heads, and Guillermo del Toro’s slash fin erotica 50 Shapes of Water.

Everyone has their own picks but this list is about my personal picks for the very best horror films of the year, and thanks to a last-minute amendment tacked onto the recently passed congressional tax bill, my list is now legally binding. Funny how that works out.

Without further ado, in no particular order, here are my top five horror movies of 2017…

Bye Bye ManThe Bye Bye Man

Imagine how much scarier Freddy Krueger would be if we were never given any indication as to who he is, where he came from, what he wants, or how to defeat him. Imagine how much scarier Freddy Krueger would be if rather than having to wait for you to fall asleep he could get you anytime, anywhere, any place, just so long as you speak a three-word combination (technically, two words twice) that any toddler saying goodbye to a stranger could unintentionally mutter conjuring forth murderous hell upon their day care center. Imagine no more! 2017 began with the year’s scariest movie and a new horror icon was born!

You know what truly makes Bye Bye Man awesome? He has his own train! How many well-respected horror icons have their own vehicle? None! Bye Bye Man has his own freakin’ train, folks! He doesn’t even ride on his train. He doesn’t take people captive on his train. He doesn’t even kill anyone with his train. Yeah, someone does get killed by a train in the movie but it’s not even his particular train that does it. That’s how awesome his train is. He doesn’t even need or use the damn thing. He just has a train. It’s always comin’. From where? To where? Who knows? Where are all the think pieces about Bye Bye Man’s choo-choo train?

The thing I love most about Bye Bye Man isn’t his train, or his never explained Franklin Mint commemorative coin, or even how easy it will be in the future for any lanky chemo patient with a hooded raincoat to dress up as him for Halloween. The thing that truly makes Bye Bye Man one of the year’s best is that he has his own pet: a skinless man-eating Hellraiser hound whose bark is worse than his Cenobite. No other movie slasher I can think of keeps a pet. You don’t see Leatherface running around with a dog wearing a muzzle sewn together from cat skins.

Jason’s been living in the woods for 40-years and he doesn’t even have so much as a snake or a squirrel to keep him company. Freddy exists in the realm of nightmares; he could dream up any creature he could ever want to keep as a pet and yet he chooses to live an afterlife of desperate isolation. All that has changed forever with the arrival of Bye Bye Man and Bark Bark Dog, and horrordom will never be the same!

Wish Upon

Yeah, I get that Get Out got all the praise as the social thriller of the year what with it being a movie so woke insomnia has accused it of culture appropriation. Meanwhile, Wish Upon got completely ignored despite being the most socially relevant horror movie about millennials to date. The young derp faced lead of Wish Upon hates her life because she’s not the richest, not the prettiest, not the most popular, doesn’t have the hottest boyfriend, and her daddy is so uncool: pretty much the ultimate millennial nightmare. Rather than actually work to change her situation (SPOILER ALERT), she’d rather rely on a magical music box to do it for her. Even though she knows in advance that after this box grants her five wishes it will then kill her, and even though she takes stock that every good wish that comes true for her causes very bad things to happen around her, she just keeps on wishing. She even tries wishing to undo other wishes gone wrong, only further exacerbating her problems. And in the end – surprise – she ends up dead. A sublime roasting of the we-can-do-anything-without-putting-in-any-effort-or-thinking-this-through attitude too many millennials exhibit. How is Get Out getting nominated for screenwriting awards while Wish Upon continues to get snubbed?

The Snowman

The year’s best horror comedy about a serial killer doused with gene-altering chemicals causing him to transform into a wise-cracking murderous snowman. Wait a minute. That was Jack Frost. That was made in 1997, not 2017. What the hell was The Snowman? Did I even see The Snowman? Eh, forget it. Never mind.

Friend RequestFriend Request

A surefire sign that a movie is succeeding is if it makes you want to do the thing you’re seeing on the screen. Like back in the 80’s when Top Gun and The Karate Kid made many moviegoers so stoked they immediately signed up for the Air Force and karate lessons. Now take a techno-thriller like Friend Request about a vengeful spirit stalking people through their various social media applications. As I sat alone in the theater on opening day, it wasn’t long before the movie had me wanting to take out my phone and check my email, text messages, see what’s going on my Twitter and Facebook, surf the web, etc. Not one motion picture I saw this year inspired me the way this film did to begin texting, tweeting, doing anything social media related on my tiny handheld screen, even as the movie continued to flicker on the larger screen before me. That’s saying something because I also saw Geostorm.

The Man Who Invented Christmas

Outstanding blend of psychological and Hammer-esque Gothic horror about a famous Victorian era author facing personal, professional, and financial woes, as well as being forever tormented by traumatic memories of his past childhood servitude, who suddenly finds himself haunted by unforgiving figments of his own imagination, including the specter of a decrepit old miser with an absolute disdain for all of humanity, completely overtaking every aspect of his life sending him spiraling into madness as they coerce him to write what will be the greatest ghost story of all time.

The Man Who Invented Christmas is this generation’s The Shining.

Amityville The AwakeningAmityville: The Awakening

It was free. After sitting on a shelf for years, this movie was finally released straight to Google Play for free. Sure, there were much better genre films this year like The Shape of Water, Split, Colossal, It, and Happy Death Day, but I had to pay to see those movies. I saw Amityville: The Awakening for free. Therefore, it is one of the best of 2017.

Honorable Mentions: Rings, Flatliners, Monster Trucks, The Mummy, The Dark Tower, The Emoji Movie, Boo! 2: A Madea Halloween

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Oats Studios Cancels FIREBASE Feature

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A few weeks back we let you guys know that director Neill Blomkamp and his indie production company Oats Studios kicked off a fan-funding campaign to bring us a feature-length version of their killer short film Firebase.

But we have some sad news today as it seems the campaign was unsuccessful and all contributors will be getting their money back. Damn.

Oats Studios broke the news on Twitter saying, “To all backers of Firebase. Oats will be refunding everyone who contributed completely. Unfortunately, we didn’t raise enough to do something truly awesome. We would rather over deliver than create an average film. We thank the thousands of people who did back us- hang in there.”

Are you bummed there won’t be a feature-length Firebase flick? Make sure to let us know what you think in the comments below or on Facebook, Twitter, and/or Instagram!

Read our full interview with Blomkamp HERE.

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Which Comes Next THE CONJURING 3 or THE CROOKED MAN?

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This September we will finally see the release of director Corin Hardy’s The Conjuring spin-off, The Nun. And if that wasn’t exciting enough, today we have word via Warner Bros. that another entry in The Conjuring Universe will hit July 3, 2019.

There’s no word on which film this might be, but it’s safe to assume it will be either the recently announced The Crooked Man spin-off, or the long-awaited third entry in the mothership franchise The Conjuring 3.

Last year, Wan spoke about both films saying, “We’ve been working hard on Conjuring 3. Of course, that is something that I am not neglecting. The Conjuring films are still the mothership and the mothership needs to be strong. The mothership needs to be strong for all these other jet fighters to shoot out of. So, we’re in the midst of working on the script, and still hashing [it] out. We want to make sure that the script is in a really good place. With how much people have loved the first two Conjuring, I don’t want to rush into the third one if possible.”

Speaking about The Crooked Man spin-off, Wan explains that the film is in, “…early stages, kind of like cooking away. But we think we have a really exciting story. What we want to do, with The Conjuring universe, is we want each of our little offshoots to have a very different flavor, right? So, for example, Annabelle is the classic sort-of haunted doll subgenre. And with The Crooked Man, I would love to push it more down somewhat of that dark fairytale, and more whimsical, subgenre. I love the idea that, within the Conjuring universe, each of our little movies all have their own flavor, so that way they don’t feel like they’re the same films.”

Which film do you HOPE is next up in The Conjuring Universe? Personally, I really want to see more of this crooked fellow before diving into the further adventures of the Warrens. But all the same, make sure to hit us up and let us know what YOU think in the comments below or on Facebook, Twitter, and/or Instagram!

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Will There Be STRANGER THINGS 4?

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Yesterday we brought you guys the news that Netflix’s Stranger Things 3 began filming and today we already have word on whether or not there will be a Stranger Things 4.

Producer Shawn Levy spoke with Collider about the upcoming third season and eventually, the conversation moved to a possible fourth season.

I mean I will say we have a good sense of stuff that happens in Season Four,” Levy replied. “Season Four is definitely happening. There’s very much the possibility of a season beyond that one, that’s currently undecided.”

Nice! Are you excited to hear there will be a fourth (and possibly fifth) season of the Netflix original series? Make sure to hit us up and let us know what you think in the comments below or on Facebook, Twitter, and/or Instagram!

Synopsis:

This thrilling Netflix original drama stars Golden Globe-winning actress Winona Ryder as Joyce Byers, who lives in a small Indiana town in 1983 — inspired by a time when tales of science fiction captivated audiences. When Joyce’s 12-year-old son, Will, goes missing, she launches a terrifying investigation into his disappearance with local authorities. As they search for answers, they unravel a series of extraordinary mysteries involving secret government experiments, unnerving supernatural forces, and a very unusual little girl.

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