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Something Whiskered This Way Comes: Movember Horror

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I’ll admit it: I used to think of the cutesy-named “Movember” as nothing more than a silly hipster holiday. It just gives vainglorious guys an excuse to wax their lip-strips and take scads of selfies, right? But those mustachioed Mo Bros are actually fostering follicles for a good cause, which means cynical snarks like me can’t make too much fun of it.

The whole thing started in 2003 with a group of about 30 guys in Melbourne, Australia who decided to grow facial fur for charity. The next year nearly 500 men took part and they raised thousands of dollars for prostate cancer research. The trend took off, growing into a global phenomenon. It is now a major annual event and makes millions for medical causes.

Every participant starts clean-shaven on October 31 with a “before” photo posted to prove it. Mo Bros then spend the next 30 days growing and grooming their upper lip combover. Extra kudos for whacky styles or recreating the look of a shaggy celeb. No beards are allowed! (Sorry, R.J. MacReady.)

On November 30, the hirsute hero snaps a selfie and shares it with friends and anyone else who sponsored them to show that they followed through with their piliferous pledge. And cha-ching! Mo money is made for cancer prevention study.

In the spirit of solidarity and with a nod to our nerdiness, we decided to inspire you to join the cause by listing the most memorable mustaches in old school horror flicks. Although the choice of crumb-catcher style can cross the line from classy to creepy, at least you can count on these guys to give the old flavor-saver some flair.

You can register for Movember at: https://us.movember.com/


The Man: Tom Selleck
The Mustache: 70s Porn Molestache
The Movie: Daughters of Satan (1973)

Before he became beloved as Magnum P.I. on TV, Selleck was in a couple of horror flicks. In Daughters of Satan, he’s James Robertson, a collector of eerie art sporting quite a mouth-mane. After he purchases an old painting of witches being burned at the stake, he unwittingly uncovers his family’s macabre secrets (but never his upper lip).


The Man: Ernie Hudson
The Mustache: Standard Issue
The Movie: Ghostbusters (1984)

Hudson and his hair had a much meatier role in this classic sci-fi shocker when the contracts were inked, but he wound up being a bit player. Still, he’s great as Winston Zeddemore, the fourth ghostbuster who makes only $11,500 a year. While most of his role may have been cut, Hudson’s mustache was not.


The Man: Danny Trejo
The Mustache: Wicked Whiskers
The Movie: From Dusk till Dawn (1996)

Although he’s called Razor Charlie, Trejo definitely didn’t shave for the role of the bartender-turned-bloodsucker in this gory across-the-border comedy. His bristle batons are in full force when it comes down to the supernatural throwdown.


The Man: Donald Sutherland
The Mustache: Upper Lip Grip
The Movie: Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)

Donald Sutherland is mustachioed Matthew in this masterful remake of the sci-fi horror classic. He’s a health inspector who’s sent to investigate the curious behavior of several San Francisco restaurateurs and learns it’s not ptomaine poison… it’s aliens!


The Man: Gene Wilder
The Mustache: Dandy Doctor
The Movie: Young Frankenstein (1974)

The amply whiskered Wilder is electrifying in black and white as the American grandson of the infamous scientist. He travels to Transylvania, where he discovers the process that reanimates a dead body and gets to smooch sexy Inga (Teri Garr) with his luscious lady-tickler.


The Man: Vincent Price
The Mustache: Snidely Whiplash
The Movie: Theater of Blood (1973)

Yes, Price had his lip-lurker in nearly every movie he made, but in Theater of Blood he’s an arrogant stage actor playing many roles… all of them featuring some sort of soup-strainer and all of them murderously mad!


The Man: Sam Elliott
The Mustache: Fuller Brush
The Movie: The Legacy (1978)

Elliott’s an actor who’s made an icon of his nose neighbor, and it all started in the swinging 70s. One of his few – and most awesome – horror roles was as Pete Danner in The Legacy. He’s one of six guests of a hidden host who lies wasting away upstairs in a marvelous mansion which turns out to be a deathtrap… for five of them. Oooh… will Pete and his push broom survive?


The Man: Gary Oldman
The Mustache: English Fop
The Movie: Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)

Oldman embodies centuries-old vampire Count Dracula who goes to England to bite necks and chew bubblegum… and he’s all out of bubblegum. The epic film covers the Count’s exploits from the time he was Vlad till he’s Nosferatu, and all through the eras his tea-steeped tendrils survive everything from garlic to fire.


The Man: Tom Atkins
The Mustache: The Thrill Me
The Movie: Night of the Creeps (1986)

Alien brain-parasites, entering humans through the mouth, turn their host into a killing zombie. But thanks to his dental drapes and whole lotta firepower, our man Atkins resists… until he can’t. But he goes out like a boss and his ’stache is splendid to the end.

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