Event Report: Clowns Invade the Alamo Drafthouse for IT

I’d never been a clown before. I’d been a haunter for several years in the long past, but I’d never done the clown thing.

Credit: Roderick Pullum/Dallas Observer

Photo Credit: Roderick Pullam/Dallas Observer

Yes, this past Saturday, the 9th of September, I donned a full-tilt creepy clown outfit and makeup to host the Dallas All-Clown screening of IT (review).  I was dubbed Salty the Clown, and that name stuck.

As always, the good folks at the Alamo went all out, bringing in a circus photo op and a number of clowns from the CarnEvil maze at the Screams Haunted Theme Park down in Waxahachie, TX.  I had a blast cavorting with those crazy characters before the show got seated, generally terrifying norms who came in to see other movies.

There was a sellout crowd with every kind of clown represented.  As you can see from the photos below, the audience got extremely creative with their costumes and makeup to bring every style of circus crawler there is.

There were a few fuddy-duddies who showed up in plain clothes, but the Alamo supplied clown noses so at least the basic requirement was met.  (I had an absolutely hysterical conversation about the rules with Alamo Creative Director James Wallace in the days leading up to the event regarding clown discrimination.  I really wish someone had tried to sue them over that, as I’d want to write the legal brief myself responding to the suit.  “Making a mockery of the court” and bringing on a “media circus” would absolutely be involved.)

During my introduction, a costume contest was held for the three best clowns, as chosen by the Screams professionals, with a massive Screams party pack as the first prize, an IT backpack and swag from the studio and Drafthouse passes as prizes for the second and third places.  You can see the entire introduction and the contest in the video below.

Following the screening, CLOWN FORCE (as I dubbed them) invaded the Vetted Well bar upstairs for an after party and karaoke.  The karaoke was hosted by Bitchy the Clown to excellent effect, despite his status as an extreme coulrophobe.

Bitchy in all his rainbow glory

There was clown twerking.  I may have been involved.

We shut the joint down, with the party only breaking up at closing time.  There was dancing, horn honking, and the singing of many extremely silly songs.

Throughout the evening, “norms” kept walking up the stairs to the bar, taking one look at the crowd, and turning right back around.  The last time this happened, I ran over and shouted after them.  “Come back!  We have booze!  We’re almost completely harmless, I promise!”  They kept walking.  I told them that was okay, I’d see them later once they got home.  I’d be waiting in the closet; just check for me and say hi before you go to sleep.

Credit: Eli Luna/Alamo

Credit: Eli Luna/Alamo

Credit: Eli Luna/Alamo

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Mr. Dark

A man of mystery. An enigma wrapped in a riddle wrapped in a low-carb whole grain tortilla. A guy who writes about spooky stuff.

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