The C.D.C. Teaches Us How to Prepare for the Zombie Apocalypse

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May 19, 2011

We live in strange times. The US has hit the debt ceiling. Certain Christian groups are prepping for the Rapture (not the Blondie song). Donald Trump nearly threw his comb-over into the Presidential race. People actually pay the cast of “The Jersey Shore” to be their normal douchebag selves. And now? The actual C.D.C. has issued a Zombie Apocalypse survival guide on its website in comic book form inspired by the hit TV show The Walking Dead.

We shit you not. It makes you wonder, doesn’t it? Either they know something we don’t, or this is quite simply one of the most brilliant pop culture stunts we’ll ever see. You can download your own copy here.

  • Water (1 gallon per person per day)
  • Food (stock up on non-perishable items that you eat regularly)
  • Medications (this includes prescription and non-prescription meds)
  • Tools and Supplies (utility knife, duct tape, battery-powered radio, etc.)
  • Sanitation and Hygiene (household bleach, soap, towels, etc.)
  • Clothing and Bedding (a change of clothes for each family member and blankets)
  • Important documents (copies of your driver’s license, passport, and birth certificate to name a few)
  • First Aid supplies (although you’re a goner if a zombie bites you, you can use these supplies to treat basic cuts and lacerations that you might get during a tornado or hurricane.)

    Once you’ve made your emergency kit, you should sit down with your family and come up with an emergency plan. This includes where you would go and who you would call if zombies started appearing outside your doorstep. You can also implement this plan if there is a flood, earthquake, or other emergency.

    1. Photo: Family members meeting by their mailbox. You should pick two meeting places, one close to your home and one farther away.

    2. Family members meeting by their mailbox. You should pick two meeting places, one close to your home and one farther away.

    3. Identify the types of emergencies that are possible in your area. Besides a zombie apocalypse, this may include floods, tornadoes, or earthquakes. If you are unsure contact your local Red Cross chapter for more information. Family members meeting by their mailbox. You should pick two meeting places, one close to your home and one farther away

    4. Pick a meeting place for your family to regroup in case zombies invade your home…or your town evacuates because of a hurricane. Pick one place right outside your home for sudden emergencies and one place outside of your neighborhood in case you are unable to return home right away.

    5. Identify your emergency contacts. Make a list of local contacts like the police, fire department, and your local zombie response team. Also identify an out-of-state contact that you can call during an emergency to let the rest of your family know you are ok.

    6. Plan your evacuation route. When zombies are hungry, they won’t stop until they get food (i.e., brains), which means you need to get out of town fast! Plan where you will go and the multiple routes you will take ahead of time so that the flesh eaters don’t have a chance! This is also helpful when natural disasters strike, and you must take shelter quickly. Check out the official Center for Disease Control Website for more.
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