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Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus vs. Mega Python vs. Gatoroid vs. L.A.liens vs. Almighty Thor

Yesterday’s story about The Asylum’s 2012: Moby Dick was only the beginning as the American Film Market is about to swing into high gear, and that means production companies are unveiling titles and production art for a slew of movies they intend to bring us in the coming year … companies like The Asylum and its film slate featuring giant animals, aliens invading Los Angeles, and Marvel superhero mockbusters.

December 21st is the release date for Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus, the super-sized sequel to The Asylum’s kitsch hit Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus. Directed by Chris Ray, son of b-movie kingpin Fred Olen Ray, this time the fate of the world trapped between the jaws of a megalodon shark and a prehistoric crocodile falls into the capable hands of Jaleel “Urkel” White and Robert Picardo of “Star Trek: Voyager” and The Howling fame.

The massive prehistoric shark has survived the last battle, and the world is again threatened when a new, more dangerous foe is discovered in the jungles of Africa.

Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus vs. Mega Python vs. Gatoroid vs. L.A.liens vs. Almighty Thor

More mega animals on the rampage where that came from as The Asylum partners with Syfy to bring us next year’s epic war of gargantuan reptiles and Eighties pop singers: Mega Python vs. Gatoroid, starring “Electric Youth” Debbie Gibson, “I Think We’re Alone Now” Tiffany, “Hey, Hey, It’s the Monkees” Mickey Dolenz, and one-time soap opera hunk A Martinez. Pet Sematary director Mary Lambert is behind the camera for this stupendous slithering smackdown for our times.

After a species of giant python invades the Everglades, park workers breed mutant gators to counter the threat. Soon the battle between giant pythons and mutant gators threatens all of Florida.

Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus vs. Mega Python vs. Gatoroid vs. L.A.liens vs. Almighty Thor

This isn’t the first time I’ve reported on those two “mega” Asylum movies, and I’m sure some of you might still be wondering what exactly a crocosaurus and a gatoroid are and how exactly they differ. Well, that’s why you have me here. I sent some emails, made some phone calls, even held a seance or two to get to the bottom of this enduring mystery. Here’s what I can tell you. Crocosaurus is a prehistoric crocodilian dinosaur with a long and narrow snout that gets unearthed. Gatoroid is a crazed swamp gator super-sized after getting all juiced up on steroids.

Now those of you concerned that The Asylum may have abandoned the mockbuster mentality that put them on the map in the first place, rest assured that 2011 will see a return to their mockbusting roots.

One of the big blockbuster movies due for release on March 11, 2011 is Battle: Los Angeles, a Cloverfield-esque alien invasion flick starring Aaron Eckhart and Michelle Rodriguez. The Asylum will be launching a preemptive strike on February 22, 2011 with the DVD release of Battle of Los Angeles. The “of” makes all the difference in the world. Their aliens-attack-LA mockbuster (how come no one has yet to make a movie called L.A.liens?) stars Kel Mitchel of “Keenan & Kel” fame and Nia Peeples. Yes, folks, Nia Peeples! Now there’s a name I haven’t heard in ages. Apollonia must not have returned their calls.

In February 1942 US forces engaged an unidentified flying object above Los Angeles. Now, almost 70 years later, the alien invaders have returned.

Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus vs. Mega Python vs. Gatoroid vs. L.A.liens vs. Almighty Thor

More than one ex-Asylum employee in the past has told me they were opposed to making superhero mockbusters. Looks like that is about to change. Sometime next year, presumably around the May 6th release date of Marvel’s Thor, The Asylum intend to counter with Almighty Thor. He’s not just mighty – he’s almighty! Just so you know, that is not the actor playing their Thor, just advance sales art for a film that is still in the pre-production stage.

When the demon god Loki destroys the fortress of Valhalla and steals the Hammer of Invincibility, only the young hero Thor can protect earth from Armageddon.

Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus vs. Mega Python vs. Gatoroid vs. L.A.liens vs. Almighty Thor

It would seem for the past couple of years that The Asylum has set about to release at least one disaster movie annually with the year 2012 somewhere in the title. It appears next year’s continuation of this trend will be 2012: Ice Age. Oh, Mayans, is there no 2012 cataclysm you didn’t foresee?

The eruption of Mt. Fuji–a “Supervolcano”–covers the earth in choking clouds. Humanity hurtles toward extinction as a group of scientists fights to break the grip of the new ice age.

Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus vs. Mega Python vs. Gatoroid vs. L.A.liens vs. Almighty Thor

One other movie The Asylum is trotting out in January is 1st Furry Valentine, but I doubt that would be of much interest to any of you since it’s just a family film about a young girl and her pet pony and not a raunchy comedy about furry fetishists in animal costumes dry humping one another as I hoped upon first seeing the title.

The Foywonder

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  • theGoldenSimatar

    Methinks Ice Age is a bit behind the times for The Day After Tomorrow. Mega Shark vs Crocosaurous and Mega Python vs Gateroid are definitely on my buy lists. Will be getting Almighty Thor for a friend of mine whose a diehard Marvel fan.