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Happy Friday the 13th – An Amusing Look at Jason Between Friday 3D and The Final Chapter

Friday fans should know that an interview with Tom McLoughlin is on its way. McLoughlin will be discussing his latest projects, and what better day to chat with the director of Friday VI than on the 13th of all 13ths? We clearly love Tom McLoughlin ‘round here and are pleased to bring you this upcoming feature presentation.

A few months ago, while struggling to decide what film to retro-review, I delivered this observation of what Jason must’ve done to make it from Friday II to Friday 3D not only intact, but looking the way he looked.

Since today is a such special day, here we go again.

Yes, today’s discussion is solely focused on Jason’s ability to recover from wounds suffered in Friday 3D and his appearance in The Final Chapter. Though many cite The Final Chapter as their favorite entry in the series, others express confusion over Jason’s survival and appearance. Clearly, these viewers haven’t paid enough attention to the film’s more subtle nuances.

Let’s do a little inventory of The Final Chapter’s opening:

1. Jason has suffered a crushing axe wound to the noggin and is temporarily defeated.

2. Jason is escorted to the Essex County Hospital, where he is placed into one of the hospital’s “cold room” drawers to presumably await an autopsy.

3. Jason awakens and trashes a horny doctor watching naughty aerobics in the “cold room”, then murders an imbalanced nurse in a pharmacy while she’s taking inventory.

Now let’s discuss the trouble with that particular resurrection. In Friday 3D he takes a couple of deep stabs wounds and head traumas – including a whack to the forehead with an axe. By the way, I probably prefer “axe” over “ax” due to growing up looking at this in finer video stores near me:

Happy Friday the 13th - An Amusing Look at Jason Between Friday 3D and The Final Chapter

I’m tired of answering the following questions: HOW can Jason just get up and continue to kill, and WHY doesn’t he seem to feel any pain throughout The Final Chapter?

You people are so naive sometimes that it’s cute …

Happy Friday the 13th - An Amusing Look at Jason Between Friday 3D and The Final Chapter

Jason was obviously woken up from his axe-induced slumber by the cold of the hospital’s morgue drawer they shoved him in. Why does he continue to kill? I’ve dealt with pretty bitchy migraines before, and if I had woken up in a freezing dark shoebox like Voorhees did with that honey of a cut on my dome, I would’ve torn the first person I saw to pieces as well. And that’s exactly what Jason did to Fackler, I mean Axel.

Happy Friday the 13th - An Amusing Look at Jason Between Friday 3D and The Final Chapter

Happy Friday the 13th - An Amusing Look at Jason Between Friday 3D and The Final Chapter

Then I’d head towards the hospital’s pharmacy – wouldn’t you? And why kill the weird, hot nurse who was checking on the hospital’s druggy supplies? To GET to the supplies. As such, here’s your final answer from that two-parter I addressed earlier. Jason dealt half-pleasurably with the nurse before stocking up on Prednisone and Dilaudid. This combination of painkillers and steroids can explain the following:

A.) Jason could cope with the pain of that extravagant axe gash in his head.

B.) Jason could not give a shit about stitching up said gash due to an incorrigible yearn to once again maim.

C.) Jason could muster both the humor and wherewithal to perform such tricks as tampering with phones, hanging bodies near convenient escape routes, and tossing victims through windows to scare the hell out of survivors – not to mention nailing people with items they just asked out loud for (“Where the hell’s the corkscrew?!”). Shit … Red Skeleton would attest to that kind of comedic timing.

Oh, and as for Jason’s appearance? Yeah. He was tan and appeared much less deformed in Friday 3D, didn’t he?

Happy Friday the 13th - An Amusing Look at Jason Between Friday 3D and The Final Chapter

Happy Friday the 13th - An Amusing Look at Jason Between Friday 3D and The Final Chapter

Is he a tad paler? Of course he is, dammit! After losing that much blood and taking that many steroids, you’d be in sad shape too. Everyone knows what steroids can do to the muscular structure of the face, and I always look like Nosferatu after giving the teensiest bit of blood. Do your homework, people – steroids can do THAT to you.

So there are your answers, ya goofballs. Rest easy knowing the truth, and enjoy your Friday!

“Crystal” Chris Haberman

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Chris Haberman