Wasn’t there a “South Park” episode not that long ago about Goth kids getting pissed off that their style was getting ripped off by a bunch of poseurs inspired by Twilight to dress and act like soulful vampires? Real-life Goth kids might want to seriously consider following their animated counterparts in burning down Hot Topic because I Was a Teenage Werewolf has officially become a lifestyle fad, and we have the news video to prove it.
If you haven’t seen this video of a San Antonio TV news report that’s been making the rounds the last 24 hours, then you do not fathom the true horror that Twilight (sorry, reporter guy, but the only thing Van Helsing ever inspired was universal disdain) has unleashed upon the world. High school teens living the life of a teen wolf – at least that’s how they envision it in their still developing minds. Goth, emo, skater punk, furry, and a total lack of shame have finally collided to give us teenagers running around calling themselves “wolf packs” wearing dark clothes, inhuman contact lens, and fake fangs and stapling plush raccoon tails to the back of their pants. Suddenly the vampire lifestyle seems more dignified. Even the Michael Jackson “Thriller” jacket craze of 1983 was less embarrassing.
Newsflash: If you have a fake animal tail taped to your ass, insist that everyone call you by the name “Wolfie Blackheart”, and are not at that very moment playing a White Wolf live-action role-playing game, then you are not an “alpha dog”. You are just too stupid to even realize how stupid you are.
Watch the video below, and realize the amount of humiliation that is going to befall every teenager in it in the years to come when they grow up, look back upon this phase in their life, realize how fucking lame they come across, and know that this footage has been immortalized on the world wide web to haunt them for the rest of their lives.
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