At Least They’re Not Just Running Around in Their Underwear

Wasn’t there a “South Park” episode not that long ago about Goth kids getting pissed off that their style was getting ripped off by a bunch of poseurs inspired by Twilight to dress and act like soulful vampires? Real-life Goth kids might want to seriously consider following their animated counterparts in burning down Hot Topic because I Was a Teenage Werewolf has officially become a lifestyle fad, and we have the news video to prove it.

If you haven’t seen this video of a San Antonio TV news report that’s been making the rounds the last 24 hours, then you do not fathom the true horror that Twilight (sorry, reporter guy, but the only thing Van Helsing ever inspired was universal disdain) has unleashed upon the world. High school teens living the life of a teen wolf – at least that’s how they envision it in their still developing minds. Goth, emo, skater punk, furry, and a total lack of shame have finally collided to give us teenagers running around calling themselves “wolf packs” wearing dark clothes, inhuman contact lens, and fake fangs and stapling plush raccoon tails to the back of their pants. Suddenly the vampire lifestyle seems more dignified. Even the Michael Jackson “Thriller” jacket craze of 1983 was less embarrassing.

Newsflash: If you have a fake animal tail taped to your ass, insist that everyone call you by the name “Wolfie Blackheart”, and are not at that very moment playing a White Wolf live-action role-playing game, then you are not an “alpha dog”. You are just too stupid to even realize how stupid you are.

Watch the video below, and realize the amount of humiliation that is going to befall every teenager in it in the years to come when they grow up, look back upon this phase in their life, realize how fucking lame they come across, and know that this footage has been immortalized on the world wide web to haunt them for the rest of their lives.

The Foywonder

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  • Shambling_in_Bandages

    Why are some Metallers such irredeemable bell-ends?

  • Terminal

    People this stupid should not be allowed to live.
    “We are bad guys. That means we’ve got more to do other than bullying companies. It’s fun to lead a bad man’s life.”

    • FireRam


      My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius,and I approved this message.

      • Terminal

        Hey I’m all for allowing self expression, but this is just a cry for attention. I’d smack my kid over and over, little shit.
        “We are bad guys. That means we’ve got more to do other than bullying companies. It’s fun to lead a bad man’s life.”

  • frank_dracman

    “Dates back to the 30’s”? Unless he’s talking about Werewolf of London (which I seriously doubt) maybe they should try checking their facts. That stuff really gets under my skin.

    As far as the kids go, I agree with the mom who said if that’s the worst thing he does she’ll be happy. We all did stupid things growing up, followed fads and tried to be different (ironic, no?). They will grow out of it like everyone else, so let them pin tails on each other. Hell, the Japanese have been doing shit like that for years.

  • James Coker

    PLEASE! PLEASE! let this be the most damage Twilight has done to us