Few things inspire true WTF-ness quite like Elves, the 1990 chiller starring a chain-smoking Dan Haggerty as an alcoholic ex-cop turned department store Santa trying to prevent Neo-Nazis from completing their diabolical plan to spawn a satanic elf that must mate with a purebred Aryan virgin by Christmas Eve in order to procreate Adolf Hitler’s half-human/half-elf master race that will conquer the world.
I’m not making any of this up.
Not a comedy or even a tongue-in-cheek horror flick, i>Elves takes itself awfully seriously for a motion picture involving the occult, the Antichrist, incest, Neo-Nazis with fake German accents, a Mommy Dearest that drowns pets in the toilet, a perverted kid brother who peeps on his sister as she dresses, a virgin girl wielding a magical elfstone, Dan Haggerty chain smoking so much he even brushes his teeth with a cigarette in his other hand, and a horny, knife-wielding, pistol-packin elf.
Watch the rare trailer for this obscure schlocker. Have your mind blown knowing this motion picture actually exists.
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