Sharks, 3D, Heidi Montag, Boobs, and Delusions of Grandeur

Sharks, 3D, Heidi Montag, Boobs, and Delusions of GrandeurA 3D movie involving sharks and a big-breasted blonde’s boobs? Shouldn’t The Buz be writing this story? Is there even a story here? There will be if Heidi Montag has it her way. God help us.

With MTV canceling “The Hills” after six culture decaying seasons, Heidi Montag now has to come up with some other means by which to remain in the public spotlight and pay off what must be her astronomical plastic surgery bills. I believe Montag is composed of enough synthetics by this point to legally change her name to Cherry 2000.

Having already failed to launch a singing career, Montag (seen in the accompanying photo looking like an unplugged Stepford Wife) has set her sights on Hollywood, and not just acting. She’s written a screenplay for a movie she plans to star in about her DDD breast implants defeating a man-eating shark. You think I’m making this up? Here’s the money quote from People:

“I am making the first 3D beach comedy about a shark that attacks a small beach town, and I save the day with my 3D boobs,” Montag says. “I’ve even written a role for Dolly Parton to play the town mayor!”

And will Eddie Deezen play a grizzled sea captain named Squint? What about Dan Monahan? Surely Dan Monahan must be involved somewhere?

Montag’s role would be that of a lifeguard named Summer, presumably because the name BJ Cummings was already used by “Son of the Beach”.

“And while that project has yet to be greenlit, Montag is as confident as ever that she’ll make a splash in the film industry. Says Montag, “I’m now finally free to start my career and my new life as female mogul in Hollywood!”

Newsflash for the future female movie mogul: If and when your movie ever becomes a reality, the Piranha remake will have already beaten you to the killer fish and jiggling boobs in 3D market.

The Foywonder

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