The other day I found myself thinking about the bowling alley slasher flick The 13th Alley that I and pretty much no one else on planet earth has seen or reviewed despite a one-week theatrical release last year. What got me thinking was how it has been over a year and there has yet to be any news of a DVD release. A quick web search revealed that the laughable fright flick can be purchased on DVD right now.
Slipping onto DVD well below the radar; much like its theatrical release.
You remember my The 13th Alley review, don’t you? The only film in the history of this site to receive a score of one billion knives. The review that prompted a thank you email from the filmmaker followed by a second email from the same person denouncing my review for slandering his film, which was then followed with another email from one of the film’s producers thanking me for my review? Between my review and discussion of those bizarre emails on subsequent podcasts, I think I have done more to promote this movie than anyone else.
Here’s an excerpt from my review that more or less summarizes why I gave it the infamous 1,000,000,000 out of 5 Knives score:
“Simply put, The 13th Alley may very well be one of the worst movies of all time. It’s simply awful, really awful, “Oh, my god, I cannot believe I saw this in a theater” awful; the kind of awful that actually transcends awfulness and becomes entertaining in spite of itself. This is one for the ages. I haven’t laughed out loud this much at a movie in a long time.”
The 13th Alley stars Lorenzo Lamas’ daughter, Shayne, as one of a group of teenagers trapped in a bowling alley after hours with an executioner’s axe-swinging psychopath in a black cloak wearing a medieval-style mask that looks more like a metal box with eyeholes and a slight point in the front that some teenager would have welded from scrap metal in his high school shop class.
Once I went Googling to see if there was any news on the film’s DVD release, to my surprise I happened upon an official The 13th Alley website that I don’t think existed when the film was getting its tiny theatrical release. You will even see quotes from my review on the website, albeit heavily taken out of context. The unintentional comedy keeps on coming from this one.
It appears they have taken to self-distributing The 13th Alley as the DVD is currently available for purchase directly through the website for $19.95. The poster is also available for $14.95, or you can get a package deal of the DVD and the poster for $29.95.
Will any of you dare view and review this epic piece of slasher schlock, or will I remain one of the only people in existence to have gone bad movie bowling on The 13th Alley?
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